


Wheels on Ice

by kalkoenvsneoklak



Series: Wheels on Ice Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Skating, Castiel and Jimmy Novak Are Twins, Competitive Castiel, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Demisexual Castiel, Figure Skater Castiel, Freestyle Inline skating, Homophobic Language, Inline Skater Dean, Mentions of Character Death, Multi, figure skating, mild violence, over-achiever Castiel, perfectionist!Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-09-12 10:35:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 77,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9067951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalkoenvsneoklak/pseuds/kalkoenvsneoklak
Summary: Come to think of it, it all started with Jimmy. One could really say that, no, it did not start with the younger Novak and that they would have met one way or another, as they are, so to say, ‘meant to be’, but isn’t there a nice sort of poetic side when the guy somehow matches up his twin brother with his best friend? Oh, we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. ---Dean is a twenty-four year old freestyle inline skater with enough skills but a lack of confidence. Castiel is a twenty-five year old figure ice skater who wishes for nothing more than to win an Olympic gold medal. Neither of them are comfortable stepping out of their comfort zones, but when the two meet each other they come to realize that there's more than just their type of skating out there.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this story about four years ago when I was all the way back into Inline Skating, but the after watching Yuri on Ice I got inspired again, so I picked it back up! I'm not sure yet where I'm going with this story, so I'll make it all up along the way.  
> I'm doing quite some research on the competitions, but don't kill me if I get anything wrong. I'm not an expert when it comes to these kind of things.

 

 

 

Come to think of it, it all started with Jimmy. 

One could really say that, no, it did _not_ start with the older Novak and that they would have met one way or another, as they are, so to say, ‘meant to be’, but isn’t there a nice sort of poetic side when the guy somehow matches up his twin brother with his best friend? 

Oh, we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. 

Let’s just say that it starts on a normal Friday evening, around eight, in the Pontiac sports center. Dean Winchester, a single man that only just turned twenty-one, walks in to the building. He’s done his research about the place, of course; every Wednesday evening, Friday evening and Saturday afternoon the whole room is cleared out for the inline-skating lessons that a certain James Novak teaches to children between eight and eighteen.  

Of course, Dean is not looking for lessons with the guy, and neither is he interested in the job opening for being an extra teacher, but he’s been told by multiple persons – including the site – that the hall can also be used for personal training, as long as it doesn’t disturb the lessons. 

So, yeah, Dean just goes, because inline-skating is what he likes doing in his free time. Dean drops down the bags, removes his shoes, and puts the skates on just as quickly, without even noticing that the class that is currently ‘listening’ to its instructor is instead watching as the newcomer gets on his feet to start skating towards the first corner of the room.  

Dean waits, though, because he feels like he should mention something to the instructor. Maybe the guy then could keep in mind that Dean is present and no accidents could happen due to an assignment done wrong. 

When the group clears out to whatever the guy – James Novak – told them to do, the instructor turns around to face Dean with a neutral expression. It’s as if this guy has the most peaceful mind in the world – not to forget a massive amount of wild hair that just goes everywhere – and when he skates it’s almost like he’s done it all his life. 

Yeah, okay, so for Dean it feels like second-nature as well, but still, it’s always nice to see other people enjoying skating that much. 

“So, you’re one of our independent skaters here? Dean, right?” the man asks even before he’s reached Dean, but he’s smiling so it’s clear that he’s not bothered by Dean’s presence. Dean takes in the man before him; as previously mentioned, wild hair, but also quite a sharp face, some stubble on his cheek, and dark blue and intense eyes.  

For a moment, Dean is taken aback from this man, because – even though Dean has never really thought this from another man – this guy is kind of beautiful somehow.  

Okay, so maybe Dean is a little too tired from the move, maybe Sam was right and he should have rested a little bit longer. 

Ah well, he’s here now anyway, and the only way for him to clear his mind is by taking his wheels for a spin as fast as he can. 

“Yeah, but if it bothers your class, I can come back another time,” Dean offers, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall as he eyes the instructor who just smiles at him with raised eyebrows. 

“No, no, that’s okay. You kind of got the attention from most of my female students, though, but you know how teenagers are, right?”  

It’s really easy talking to this guy. Somehow, the site said that his name is James, but on his shirt it’s written Jimmy, so Dean just goes for the latter option – because ‘James’ just sounds like he’s talking to some British spy or something.  

“Yeah, I’ve been told I’m kind of a heartbreaker,” Dean jokes while looking down to the floor, smirking when the words escape his mouth. “So how’s this going to go, I just do what I do, you do what you do, and afterwards we go hang out in that cafeteria so you can tell me all the secrets about this place?” 

Wait. 

Did he seriously just ask that? 

“Ah, well, I would love to reveal all those secrets to you, but my classes only stop around ten, so you’ll have to wait for a while,” Jimmy says with a troubled expression. “Also, I would have to let my girlfriend know that I would get back home a little later, but it’s always nice to make new friends!” 

Somehow, learning that Jimmy is in a relationship makes Dean relax a little. He smiles at the instructor, leans his hands on his hips, and lets out a long breath. “Girlfriend, huh? Together how long now?” 

“Jesse, you need to step over! I told you a million times!” Jimmy calls out to some kid, and Dean turns around to see one of the teenage boys groan in frustration as he is pulled up by some of his friends. It’s not that not stepping over could really lead to falling, but it’s smoother and a lot faster to get through a curve. 

“I refused to step over too when I was younger,” Dean suddenly says, not removing his eyes from the kids that are talking and joking around while skating in circles. “I thought it was silly and all that.” 

“Yeah, well, it makes those turns a lot easier if you ask me,” Jimmy says. “Also, yeah, she’s my high school sweetheart, been together for six years now.” 

“Wow,” Dean notes with a smirk. "Any engagement plans yet?” 

“Yeah, no, I don’t think we’re ready for that yet,” Jimmy laughs, and Dean finds it easy to go along.  

After that they keep quiet for a little while, and the teenagers continue skating around, doing the occasional eight-form when Jimmy tells them to. One girl approaches them to ask if she can go to the toilet, but somehow Dean knows that she just wanted to get close to him. The moment she gets through the door, Dean rolls his eyes and chuckles. 

“Not so subtle, are they?” he asks. 

“You have no idea,” Jimmy answers. 

And after that, they go their separate ways. Jimmy still has to teach his class, and Dean wants to get some workout done before the lessons are over.  

When the last student leaves the room, Jimmy and Dean continue skating around, though, talking about the silly things in life; work, family, hobbies. It feels like it’s completely normal to talk to Jimmy. Whatever calmness he has on him, it spreads over to Dean. He learns that the man has a twin brother who looks exactly like him – like, not even a single difference to be spotted. Both him and his brother are skaters – though this ‘Castiel’ does ice skating instead of roller skating.  

And Dean tells him about his brother, how Sam was ready to go to college, and that there was nothing more keeping him in Lawrence. He talks about how he’s taken in by friends of his parents and that he’s just accepted a job at their bar. The thing he keeps out, though, is his hopeless dream of entering competitions. Those are failed dreams to begin with, so better not bring those back up. 

It’s almost eleven thirty when both of them decide it’s time to go. Together they skate back to the side to change back into their shoes, and after Jimmy’s finished locking up, both men share a handshake before parting ways again.  

And that’s the start of their long friendship.  

 

* * *

 

 

 _Three years later_  

 

Loud gasps surround him when he touches the ground with his side. The breath gets pushed out of his lungs, and a short but strong feeling of pain passes through his body. He can feel the wheels of his skates still rolling helplessly into the air. 

With a loud sigh he rolls himself onto his back, eyes facing the ceiling and finding that there’s a lamp hanging right above him. There are muffled sounds around him, but all Dean can do is lie there for a moment while recovering from his bruised ego.  

It had been a simple turn. The students had all been in the middle of the track, listening to Jimmy’s instruction, so Dean thought to work a little bit on his speed. He should have chosen to train outside today, since it’s nice weather out, but he just couldn’t resist teasing Jimmy during his lessons. Of course, he hadn’t been paying attention, instead staring right at the teacher and hoping that he would look up. Because of that, he missed the cone that indicated the turn and found himself heading to the ground instead. 

“Hey man, are you dead? You’ve been lying there for a while now,” Jimmy suddenly says, voice getting louder the closer he gets. When Dean looks up at him, he finds Jimmy’s face appearing in front of the light, creating some sort of halo around him. A short laugh escapes his lips, and he rests the upper side of his lower arm on his forehead.  

Jimmy holds out his arm towards Dean and allows the fallen man to pull himself upright. With a grunt, Dean gets back on his feet, swaying only a little bit as his wheels decide to move him back forward again. 

“Yeah, no, I’m fine,” Dean tells him then, eyes traveling towards the students who have started skating again, this time moving backwards. They’re only taking half of the ring, probably having been instructed to do so until Dean is back up on his feet. A few of them are looking back at Dean with worry on their faces. Others seem to have a sly smirk on their faces. 

“Are they expecting us to kiss, again?” Dean jokes. Jimmy can only roll his eyes when the two of them start to skate back to the middle. One of the kids looks actually disappointed, and Dean is almost inclined to just fake-make out with Jimmy right here on the spot. It would rile up the kids, for sure, and it’s not like it would be the first time they would tease them like that, but even he has to wonder if this are they/are they not-thing is going too far. Some of the parents that didn’t even know Jimmy is already in a relationship one day even came to them to congratulate them. Jimmy had been drinking water at that moment, and it had taken a few minutes for him to stop coughing, so it was Dean who had to clear things up.  

“Don’t you dare,” Jimmy scolds with a finger up in the air, probably already knowing what Dean was thinking. “I don’t want to explain to my girlfriend _again_ that I’m not cheating on her! She almost threw me out of the house!” 

“Yeah, my bad,” Dean says with a smirk on his face, remembering the last fake-out they did. Amelia had just walked in to say hello to her boyfriend, and she actually thought they were kissing right in front of her. In the end, when everything was cleared up, both she and Dean could laugh about it. Jimmy, on the other hand, couldn’t stop feeling embarrassed the entire time.  

While the lesson continues, Dean takes a long look at the man he’s now come to call his best friend. If it’s even possible, the guy’s hair has gotten even messier than before. Dean doesn’t know if he’s just too tired to put it in model before getting here, or if his hair is just rebelling naturally, here.  

Jimmy’s a frequent wearer of sweaters, Dean has noticed. The holidays are his favorite time to wear them, since he has those awful Christmas-themed monsters in his closet. This time he’s not wearing one, though. But then again, with such a hot day, it would have been crazy to actually do that.  

“Hey, dude, I was wanting to tell you something,” Jimmy suddenly says. He doesn’t look awkward, so this is probably not something embarrassing. Dean nods, making a small turn and skating backwards to face the instructor. He keeps his hands behind his back and smirks down at him. 

“Yes?” Dean asks smugly. Jimmy just rolls his eyes again and shakes his head. 

“Showoff,” he mutters out, but then he scrapes his throat again. “I think I’m going to ask her tonight, but I need to practice my lines. Will you help me?” 

Dean stops skating so abruptly that Jimmy bumps in to him, causing for the two to fall down on the ground. The two of them groan out in discomfort, Dean from having such a weight resting on him, and Jimmy for having Dean’s skates poking him in his sides. 

“Dude, seriously? You’re gonna ask her?” Dean asks, remembering that he’s supposed to be happy about it. It’s been a few months ago since Jimmy first brought up the idea of proposing, and Dean couldn’t have been more thrilled to hear it. He’s been helping out on finding the right ring, and they even put together the most perfect date to propose on. Dean worked so hard on it, it almost feels as if he’s the one going to pop the question instead of his friend. 

“Yes,” Jimmy breathes out, receiving some help from his students to get up again. Dean, too, receives a hand pointed towards him, and he gladly accepts it as he lifts himself from the ground.  

“Jim, that’s great! Though, to be honest, I was almost thinking you were chickening out,” Dean jokes as he pokes him in the side. Jimmy pushes him away while rolling his eyes. The smile on his face is enough for Dean to know that he isn’t annoyed.  

“So will you help me?” Jimmy asks hopefully. The students have resumed their exercise, and despite being in conversation, Jimmy never takes his eyes off them.  

“Sure,” Dean agrees. “So what, I’ll be Amelia, you’ll be you, and you’ll propose to me right here?”  

Jimmy turns around so fast Dean almost thinks he broke his neck in the process. His eyes are wide, expression panicked. Immediately he lifts up his hands in a stopping gesture. 

“No way! Not with all the kids around, you idiot!” Jimmy lets out in a loud whisper. Dean snorts and then shakes his head in disagreement.  

“Well, tough, I have to work so I’ll have to leave in ten minutes. You’ve got exact that much time to do this,” Dean says. He knows he’s being a little shit here, but if Jimmy _really_ wants to practice, he’s going to have to do with this.  

“Fine,” Jimmy bites out, and then he calls his students together. Everybody heads their way rather quickly. Dean has counted them before he joined them on the ring, getting about twenty kids in the end. These are the older kids, he notices. He can recognize Jesse – who has now finally accepted to step over in his turns. A few other kids are Lucas, Tod, Audrey and Katie. They’ve grown quite a bit in these past three years. 

“Okay everybody,” the instructor calls out, and Dean is actually surprised. Is Jimmy really going to do this with an audience? “The cones are still in place, and you all know what that means. Ten go on the right, ten go on the left, and you’ll practice your slaloming.” 

The kids nod without any complaining. Some are already moving to start on it immediately, but Jimmy quickly stops them. 

“If you push aside a cone, you’ll put it back in place. Think about others. Now, with that in mind, I want to ask you _not_ to take the next thing I’m about to do seriously.” 

And with that, Jimmy goes down on one knee in a swift motion. A few of the kids gasp, and even Dean pretends to be surprised, though he can’t keep his smirk down. Only to think that, in a few hours, this guy in front of him is going to do it for his high school sweetheart.  

“Amelia, you must have known me from the time I was nothing more than a chubby little teen that enjoyed eating chocolate too much and always ended up screaming on the wrong time. Even from then, you’ve somehow decided that I was worth loving, because you disregarded my love of food and lack of movement, and agreed to be my prom date. 

“Now we’re nine years later, and we’re stronger than we’ve been before. I’ve never loved you more than I do now, and I can’t imagine spending a day without you by my side, so Amelia Hailey, would you complete my days for the rest of our lives by becoming my wife?” 

There’s a silence around them, and Dean is trying all he can to keep his laugh inside. But, upon looking at those big sad blue eyes of his best friend, he just can’t, and it all comes out as he doubles over forward. The instructor throws him an irritated look, and waits for Dean to regain himself. 

Dean then clears his throat, rubs away his tears, and takes a deep breath. “Oh James, of course my big love!” he shouts out in a high-pitched voice. The students start laughing when Jimmy crosses his arms and shakes his head. 

“You’re no use at all, you know?” he asks in annoyance. When he’s standing up again, Dean can only slap him on the shoulder and then end up laughing again. The students spread out again, finally starting on their assignment. The two men in the middle don’t move at all. 

“Hey, come on, you did fine. I’m sure Amelia will say yes if you bring up the chubby-times,” Dean says with a wink, earning him a punch in his side from his friend. Dean laughs again, but then skates forward towards the cones. There he cracks his knuckles, loosens his neck a bit, and takes a starting stance. 

“Now watch how this stuff is supposed to be done,” Dean says, almost saying ‘shit’ instead of ‘stuff’, but remembering in time that Jimmy doesn’t like him cursing around the kids. If the class had been with teenagers, it wouldn’t have mattered all that much since they do nothing more than cursing, themselves.  

Dean throws Jimmy a wink before moving forward at last, but before he reaches the first cone, he turns around, and lifts up one foot, keeping it in the air as he keeps his eyes on the cones behind him. Without any trouble at all, he passes it, making a perfect slalom to get to the next cone. Then he drops his other foot back on the ground, and crosses en uncrosses his legs so quickly that even he barely realizes he’s doing it. But it’s not like it’s hard work at all; he’s been doing this ever since he’s twelve. Skating is second nature to him, really. 

Before he gets to the end, Dean makes a few perfect circles around one of the cones. Then he crouches down, raises up his left leg, and he finishes off. Once he passes the last cone, he smirks and throws up his arms as he stands up again, preparing himself for a final stance.  

He vaguely hears a few of the kids shout out in enthusiasm, but all he really can think about is his dream. The dream that gets clearer every day, but so far hasn’t been pursued. It’s his own fault, really. He knows he can do it as an amateur, but to be considered a champion in the championships… now that would be _too_ optimistic, even for him. 

But he doesn’t let his train of thought show. Instead he turns around a few times just to show off some more, and then he gets back to the side where he put his stuff. The kids are waving him off, and Dean raises his hand at them shortly, but then he drops down on the ground and starts undoing his skates. 

“Was that show necessary?” Jimmy asks, but there’s a teasing tone in his voice. When Dean looks up, he sees his friend standing there with his arms crossed. The corners of Dean’s lips go up, and he lets out a short snort before freeing his foot from the skate 

“You know, with you I barely get any practice done, really,” Dean says, unintentionally speaking the truth. It’s not that Jimmy is keeping him from it, but he knows that if he’s going to pull out everything he has in front of the guy, there will be pushing from his side. It’s what happened back in Lawrence before he moved here. 

“Yeah, sure, no, with you around _I_ barely get any work done, really,” Jimmy counters. Then he holds out his hand, and Dean takes it in his own in a firm shake. “Wish me luck for tonight.” 

“You’re kidding, right? I’m sure Amelia would have been ready had you proposed to her two years ago,” Dean says. Then he stands up again, looking kind of small now compared to Jimmy, who is still standing proud in his skates. He doesn’t need any prompting to wrap his arms around the man, and hold him in a tight hug.  

It’s not something Dean does often, but he figures the guy’s nervous enough as it is. He can use some reassurance, really. 

“I’m sure tomorrow I’ll see you with good news,” Dean assures him. Then he pats him on the back twice before pulling away. “Bye bud.” 

And after that, Dean leaves the building, making his way towards his evening job.  

The moment he enters into the Roadhouse he receives a slap on his ass from Jo’s towel. The blonde girl is grinning at him when he turns to her with an angry glare, but he realizes quickly that he’s just too tired to play along with her tonight. Instead he passes his hand through her hair, getting it all tangled up, and then he moves to the bar where he’ll be serving drinks until the place closes down.  

His job at the Roadhouse started about the time he got here. Ellen and Bill were friends of Dean’s father, so it wasn’t too difficult to get hired since they simply had to hear his name before accepting. And it’s not like Dean is bad at it, neither. He works at a great tempo, always serves with a smile, and more often than not receives a phone number from another desperate lady trying to get laid that night.  

Dean never goes for it, though. Ellen strictly disapproves any sexual relationships with her customers, and it’s not like Dean really needs it. Sure, in his younger years back in high school, he jumped into bed with every willing girl, but the moment he arrived in Pontiac he decided to leave those days behind him. 

He’s better than that, he keeps on reminding himself every time he ends up frustrated with nobody to keep him company.   

“Ah Dean, glad you’re here, there’s a celebration happening this evening, and I need all hands on deck,” Ellen says when she sees him passing by. Dean nods and starts cleaning his hands before getting to work. 

At the Roadhouse, there are days where there are barely any visitors coming in, but then there are also days where it's so crowded there's no time for a break for any of them. It seems like today is one like the latter, Dean figures as he sees more and more people walking in, looking rose-cheeked despite the heat.  

Dean isn't listening to them, instead taking the glasses from the counter and starting to clean them. There's a towel hanging from his shoulder, and sweat is already rolling down from his face. Dean isn't really the biggest fan of hot weather. 

"Dude, what's the occasion for the party?" Dean asks Jo when she returns with her plate full of glasses. When she drops them in the water,  it splashes all over Dean's clothes, getting him soaked. It might be a bit refreshing with the heat, but it's still dirty water, and Dean's shirt sadly is white. 

"Ooh, that's almost hot," Jo jokes when Dean turns around to throw her his angry glare. Then she slaps him on the shoulder and pulls the towel from his shoulder. "Some guy won some competition, all the competitors are here to celebrate him." 

"Right," Dean mutters. He pulls the towel from Jo's hands and starts drying himself off. It might be better if he would just go get another shirt from the back, so Dean quickly escapes from behind the bar. 

The only thing that appears to be left from the lost and found is a shirt from the local ice skating group. Dean almost considers not taking it at all, but these wet clothes are really getting uncomfortable, so he grabs the shirt and puts it on where nobody can see him. It's abit on the small side, but since it's all he can find it should do. 

"Hey Dean!" he hears from the front. The man quickly throws his wet shirt to the side and runs back outside to where Jo is calling for him. When he gets there, she's leaning against the counter, head resting on her hands as she's staring at the door where somebody has just entered. 

"What's up?" Dean asks, almost worried that somebody bothered her. Instead she's frowning, pointing a finger towards the man standing at the door. 

"Isn't that your friend Jimmy?" she asks. She and Jimmy never really hung out, not because Dean doesn't want them together, but more because they've never really found a good moment for it. Still, they would recognize each other from the photo's and the few times that they actually got to talk to each other. Despite that, the two wouldn't really call themselves friends. 

Dean points his eyes towards the guy that has just walked in the room. Nobody from the celebrating group has noticed his entering, and the guy - who, Dean notes, is actually Jimmy - is contemplating on whether or not he wants to join them or not. Instead, Dean waves at him, motioning for him to come closer. When Jimmy notices him, he frowns. 

Shit, could that mean that Amelia actually said no? Or maybe he just bailed again? Dean hopes it's the latter, then, since Amelia rejecting him would surely break him. 

"Hey dude, what happened?" Dean asks as he leans forward on his elbows. Jimmy sighs and just sits down on one of the stools. "Don't tell me you chickened out?" 

Jimmy shakes his head and now leans forward on the counter as well. His hair looks neat for once, but he obviously has less stubble than before, Dean notes. He looks like he _did_ prepare himself for it. 

"No, I went through with it, I just didn't expect the result, really," Jimmy says, somehow with a low ans raspy voice. Dean wonders if he's about to catch a cold, but the guy sounded fine earlier? Dean only shakes his head as he prepares him shot. When he offers it to Jimmy, the guy drinks it up in one go. 

"So, she said no? I really thought she was ready to get married..." Dean lets out with a loud sigh. Jimmy looks up again, tilting his head to the side. 

"Excuse me?" he asks in confusion. Dean rolls his eyes. Jimmy doesn't need to act all surprised now. If he hadn't thought Amelia had been ready, Dean would surely have said it the moment Jimmy told him his plans. 

"Come on, man, whatever Amelia said, I'm sure she _wants_ to marry you. Maybe you just caught her at a bad time," Dean tries again, and now Jimmy is staring at him with enormous eyes, as if this is the first time he's ever heard of this. 

"Jimmy going to propose?" suddenly comes out, and that's when Dean understands. 

This isn't Jimmy at all. It's the twin brother he's never met before. 

Crap. 

"Uhm, what were you talking about, then?" Dean asks, unable to find how they got the conversation to this point. He's not too surprised to see the guy's scowl pointed at him, seeing as he's known about Jimmy's plans before he himself even does.  

"I was talking about the contest I just won despite the fact that I almost blew it entirely," Castiel answers bitterly. Then he reaches his hand to the side, searching for his phone in his jeans. Once the device is in his hands, he furiously starts ticking on the screen before pressing it against his ear. 

"Dude you're going to call him? You might ruin the moment!" Dean says, reaching forward to grab Castiel's phone and end the call, but the other guy is faster than him. He turns away, pulling back just far enough so Dean can't get to him anymore.  

Behind them, the group of skaters have finally noticed Castiel sitting there, and they're calling out to him in loud cheers. Dean raises an eyebrow, surprised when all Castiel does is raise his hand to them in a short wave and then motion towards his phone. 

"James Novak," Castiel suddenly starts. Dean hopes it's voicemail. "How is it that I have to hear from a random bartender that you're about to _propose_? You can't even tell your brother about it?"  

"Hey, I'm not a random bartender!" Dean protests loudly enough that Jimmy probably heard it as well.  

"Yeah, because it's so hard to pick up the phone and give me a call," Castiel returns, ignoring Dean who is now crossing his arms in annoyance. So far, his first impression with this Castiel Novak isn't really the best one. He's heard so much about him, but it turns out the guy is actually quite grumpy. 

Dean rolls his eyes at Jo when she throws him a questioning glance. As it turns out, Castiel isn't that all that happy with his brotherr, and Dean almost feels like he's intruding so he walks away from the bar to continue the dishes. And crap, he offered the guy a drink, and now he's probably going to have to pay for it himself since he didn't even ask for it. 

"He's crazy," Dean mouths at her while pulling out his tongue. Jo just gniffles and picks up a plate to bring a new order to the celebrating group. When he hears a sigh coming from the counter, Dean looks up to see Castiel hang up his phone. 

Dean almost considers just ignoring him. The guy doesn't seem like he wants to converse even more - but then again he looked quite sour the moment he walked in the building. So Dean just simply starts whistling a tune and starts drying off the dishes until a group of young girls come over to get themselves a drink. 

Dean passes them their order without any problem, but he's painfully aware of Castiel staring at him the entire time, eyes looking quite bored and head resting on his hand. It takes everything in Dean not to snap at him. Ellen doesn't like them making trouble with customers. It's best for Dean to shut up. 

"She said yes," Castiel suddenly says without any warning, still staring right at Dean. His voice remains extremely deep - as if he's been smoking for his entire life so far - and he somehow looks even more tired than before. 

"Oh, that's great!" Dean calls out happily, still a bit sad that he didn't get to hear this news from Jimmy himself. Then he gives Castiel a long look in turn, taking in the guy that is leaning on the counter with just as much enthusiasm as a kid that needs to return to school after a long break. "I've never seen you here before?" Dean finds himself asking. 

Castiel raises his eyebrows, looking actually surprised for a moment. 

"Jimmy didn't tell you?" he asks, sounding a bit hurt as well. Dean shakes his head, having no idea what Castiel is talking about.  

"Jimmy mentioned you were in some sort of competition, but he never really goes into detail," Dean says in a shrug. Castiel lifts up his empty glass in a gesture, and Dean nods as he fills it again.  

"I went to Russia," Castiel explains plainly before finishing his drink in one go again. "And before that London, and the year before _that_ Nice..." 

"Wow that's quite a trip you're planning," Dean mutters. Castiel snorts. 

"Well, there _have_ been more countries I've gone to, but after a while you lose track," he responds while lifting his glass again. Dean shakes his head but does as the guy asks, and fills it up again. Once again, Castiel drinks it up in one go. "After all these big contests, such a small one back at home doesn't really have much meaning." 

"Wait, contests, Russia... That's right! Jimmy said you actually participated in the Olympics!" Dean finds himself calling. Why does he even keep on talking with this guy? He's the one this whole celebration is for, and yet Dean keeps on distracting him. Still, Castiel doesn't seem all too keen to return to the group. 

"Yup, but I failed miserably," Castiel mutters. Dean shakes his head. He fills his glass once again, but wonders if he should stop doing that when one of the girls further away throws them a worried glance. 

"Dude, I didn't actually _see_ your program since I was working at the time, but I'm pretty sure you ended up pretty high on the ranking?"  

The blue eyes that stare back up at him look exactly the same as Jimmy's, but there's a major difference in them that Dean has trouble describing. It's almost as if Jimmy's eyes express the fun, while all Castiel seems to feel is focus. There are dark circles under his eyes. How long ago has it been since the guy actually went to sleep? 

"Well, at least I didn't end up last," Castiel says to himself in some sort of comfort. "Ranked ninth in total. Messed up during the free skating..." When he lifts up his glass one more time, Dean fishes it out of his hand and offers him some water instead. Castiel doesn't complain, but he does look at his new glass in an angry expression like it personally betrayed him.  

"Yeah, I have no idea what that all means. All I do is freestyle skating," Dean mutters out before turning towards two more customers to offer them their drinks. When he gets back, Castiel has his head pressed against the bar and looks about ready to fall asleep on the spot. Dean wonders if he should say something to him, but then somebody from the party comes to them instead. 

"He has kind of a low alcohol tolerance, so he's probably wasted," the girl says as she puts a hand on his shoulder. Dean notes the affection in her tone as she looks at the man, and he wonders if she might be his girlfriend. She looks cute enough; shoulder-length brown hair, light blue eyes, kind of a sharp face but in a sweet kind of way. She's wearing the same t-shirt as everybody does from the party, and Dean notes the name 'Hannah' on it.  

"Ah, I should have guessed, if he's anything like Jimmy. The guy can't hold his liquor, either," Dean jokes while drying off some glasses and putting them back on the shelf.  

"Right, yes," Hannah says. Then she looks at Dean's t-shirt and raises her eyebrows for a moment. "That's our old shirt-design? You skate as well? I've never seen you before?" 

Dean shakes his head, remembering that he's wearing something from the lost and found. 

"Yeah, no, my shirt got soaked by an annoying waitress," Dean explains, and in the back he hears Jo call out to him that she's _not_ a waitress. "I just grabbed it from the lost and found. I mean, I _do_ skate, but just the different kind." 

Hannah frowns. 

"You mean you skate in pairs? Or are you a hockey player?" she asks in confusion.  

"No, inline skating, I mean," Dean offers as answer, and Hannah opens her mouth in understanding. Then she nods, and gives Castiel a long look. The guy still looks miserable, probably even fallen asleep. If Ellen sees this she might have his head for getting a guy drunk during his shift. 

"I think I should bring Castiel back home," Hannah says, one again placing a hand on Castiel's back. "He doesn't like to party, after all. It's a surprise he actually _came_." 

"Stop talking about me as if I'm not here," Castiel mumbles, with his mouth pressed against his arm. "I'll party when I get gold at the Olympics in four years." 

Dean lets out a soft chuckle. Jimmy did mention that Castiel is very competitive, but at the same time also extremely unsure. . 

"You sure will, pal," Dean says, nodding at Hannah when she indicates that she's going to take him along. Dean notices more customers sitting at the bar, so he puts his attention to them and decides to forget about Castiel for now. He's sure he'll get another opportunity to get to know the guy, probably when he's not drunk. 

After preparing some cocktails for the girls that have just arrived, Dean finally has a moment of peace. He fishes out his cellphone and makes up a quick text towards Jimmy. 

 _'Sorry for telling on you. Man you look so alike I actually thought it was you.'_  

Dean snorts when he gets an answer immediately. 

 _'You're supposed to be my best friend, how did you NOT notice it was me?'_  

Dean simply shakes his head when he starts typing a response to that already. 

' _Aren't you supposed to be getting laid? You just got engaged, dude!'_  

After that, Dean puts the phone aside to tend to the next few customers. In the corner of his eyes he can see that Hannah apparently failed to take Castiel along. Dean almost lets out a sigh, especially when the guy starts playing with his water. He quickly takes a look at his watch, finding that he has one more hour to go before the place closes. This shift has passed by rather quickly, he notes.  

"Where's your girlfriend?" Dean asks after a few more minutes of watching Castiel drawing figures on the wood of the counter with the water he dips out of his glass. He looks literally miserable. 

"Girlfriend?" Castiel asks while raising his head, only slightly. His eyes are almost squinted closed as he observes Dean intently. 

"Yeah, that brown-haired girl who kept on feeling you up an hour ago?" Dean asks. He nods at Jo when she brings him some more glasses that need to be cleaned.  

"Oh, you mean Hannah," Castiel says when he understands. "She's not my girlfriend, no matter how much she wishes she was." 

That's quite a strange comment to make, Dean finds. Castiel, in turn, is slumped back against the counter, letting out a long and loud sigh. Who would have thought Jimmy - who is the literal representation of the term 'fun' - could have such a moody twin brother. Every moment Dean has spent with this guy, it almost feels like he's been talking to a negative version of his best friend. 

"How come, dude? She's kind of pretty?" Dean asks in genuine interest. All Castiel does is shake his head. 

"Not really my type," Castiel answers to that. When he dips his finger in the glass of water again, Dean pulls it back, throwing a napkin in his way. 

"Clean up your mess, dude," he tells him. Then he empties the glass into the sink and drops it in the water to clean if off. "So, what, you're more into blondes? Redheads? Exotic girls?" 

"Nahh," Castiel sighs out. He sits up a bit again now that his only source of entertainment has been taken away. Dean notices that the celebrating group is slowly getting out of the bar. As Dean accepts their payments, most of them still stop by to congratulate Castiel on his win. The guy, in turn, only lifts up a thumb to make clear that he got their message, and then he waves them off. 

Dean wonders if the others are insulted by it, but as it turns out they must have been used to it, instead. A few of them are laughing, and one of the guys even passes his hand through his hair, making one big mess of it. Great, now Castiel looks even more like Jimmy.  

In just a matter of minutes, the enormous crowd disappears out of the Roadhouse, making it look extremely empty all of the sudden. There are only three more customers inside other than Castiel, and Dean can finally let out a breath of relief. If he's lucky, Ellen will allow him to go home early. 

"So, what _is_ your type, then?" Dean asks after a few more minutes of silence. Castiel looks up to him with a confused look before making an understanding sound. Before he can answer, though, Jo appears behind the bar and slaps Dean on the ass again with her towel. Dean curses at her, grabbing his own towel to get his revenge.  

After a short moment of teasing, Dean throws down the towel and sighs loudly. Then Jo flips her hair back and grins down at him. 

"Mom said you can go home. The big party is over and you should go to bed early if you want to win this competition," she says as she leans back on the counter. When she notices Castiel, she nods at him. Castiel doesn't respond at all. 

"Competition? You know I don't do those?" Dean asks. Jo groans out in frustration, but she has no idea how little patience Dean has left on this matter. It's what they do most of the time. Each time they see something passing by about a freestyle-skating competition, they keep on signing him up (and with they, Dean means Ellen, Jo and Jimmy, who is somehow also in on this), and they only tell him the day beforehand where it's extremely difficult to get out of it. 

"Dude, come on, why not?" Jo cries out in exasperation. "You've got to get over your insecurities, and just _do_ it! Everybody knows you've got the skills for it!" 

"I don't know," Castiel mutters from where he's seated, but neither of them give him any mind. 

"You've got to stop doing this, Jo. I've tried competition before, and it didn't work out," Dean counters. He starts to grab his stuff and hopes to get out of there before he gets the details of where it's all happening. If he doesn't know, he won't have to show up there to explain everything, right? 

"Right, you failed _once_ , almost six years ago. Get over yourself! Everybody has to begin somewhere. This guy here, as well!" She points at Castiel, who raises his hand when he realizes he's mentioned. 

"Yup, I fell on my ass during my first conest," Castiel slurs out before yawning. "Placed last. Jimmy wouldn't let me hear the end of it." 

Dean throws him a glare, annoyed that he's helping Jo out here. They don't even know each other, it shouldn't be his business. With a shake of his head, Dean grabs his car keys and starts to move away from the bar. 

"Here are the details, just in case you change your mind," Jo when Dean gets to the other side. With a loud sigh, Dean takes over the papers. He doesn't even look at them, instead poking Castiel in the side. The guy jumps up and lets out a whine.  

"Get off your ass, I'm bringing you home or your brother won't let me hear the end of it," Dean mutters out. He grabs Castiel's arm and all but pulls him off his seat. Before Castiel is up, he pulls out some money and drops it towards Jo. It's clearly not enough, but Dean gestures to Jo that he'll take care of it tomorrow. The girl shrugs and then puts it away after noting how much he still owes them. 

"You're kind of a jerk," Castiel says when they're outside. Dean guides him to the car without saying anything to it, so Castiel apparently takes that as his queu to continue. "I mean, how is it that my brother tells you he's proposing, but he doesn't mention it to me? I'm his twin brother." 

Dean shakes his head and finds himself smirking a bit. After opening the car, he guides Castiel inside. The guy actually bumps his head on the roof before finally being seated. Dean then closes his door and moves to the driver's side. 

"What's your address?" Dean asks.  

"Maybe you should ask my brother, he tells you everything, anyway..." Castiel mutters out. Dean rolls his eyes, instead grabbing his cellphone and searching for Jimmy's number. He'd rather not disturb him, but if Castiel is going to be a child about it, he needs to improvise, and letting the guy stay at his place is out of the question. 

" _Oh my God, Dean, what?"_ Jimmy's annoyed voice says on the other side of the line, sounding like he's just woken up. Dean takes a quick look at the clock, noting that it's only midnight.  

"Yeah, your brother's being a little bitch-" Dean starts. 

" _You're_ a little bitch!" Castiel slurs out before slamming his face against the rear window. Dean takes a deep breath before continuing.  

"As I was trying to say, he's refusing to tell me where he lives." 

Dean can here a sigh on the other side. Then there's the sound of movement, and he can hear Amelia asking something in the background. 

" _Dean, did you get my brother drunk?"_ Jimmy asks, sounding amused but annoyed at the same time. 

"Maybe, I didn't know he was a lightweight!" Dean protests. Castiel mutters something next to him, but Dean can't make out what. It's probably not important anyway.  

" _You should have made some conclusions with me,"_ Jimmy counters, speaking the truth. Dean should have known that the bothers would have been alike on this matter as well.  

After a few seconds, Jimmy passes him the address Dean needs to go to, and then they hang up. Dean doesn't waste any time, instead starting up the car and moving out of the parking lot.  

The ride is quiet, and for a moment Dean wonders if Castiel has fallen asleep. When he hears the guy snoring, his suspicions are confirmed. Great, that's going to be fun to get him into his bed. 

As it turns out, Castiel doesn't live too far away from Dean's place, so he doesn't have to make too much of a detour. He stops his car in front of the gate, and gets out in one swift movement.  

"Come on, sleeping beauty," Dean grits out as he pulls Castiel out of the car. In turn, he's getting an arm wrapped over his shoulder and a head pressed against his shoulder as they walk forward. "You Novak's are all just ridiculous, you just had about four glasses or something..." 

With trouble they get the door open, and then Dean helps Castiel inside. He has no idea where the bedroom is, and Castiel isn't any help, either, so instead he drops him in the chair and turns on all the lights.  

"You're lucky that your brother is my best friend, pal," Dean mumbles as he goes through door after door, and eventually coming across the bedroom. Luckily there's no other floor, otherwise he would have to carry him upstairs. 

Getting Castiel in his bed takes longer than Dean would have wanted, but apparently there's still enough of compassion for the guy that Dean finds it necessary to get him out of his uncomfortabe clothes. Castiel, in turn, keeps on clinging to him. 

"Nooooooooohooo I'm not in the mood for sex," Castiel whines. Dean huffs out a breath. 

"Believe me, neither am I," he grits out. Eventually he manages to get him under the covers, and then he gets out of the room. He makes sure that all the lights are turned off before he makes sure that the key is somewhere in sight for Castiel to find.  

After that, he's off. There's no need for him here, anymore. 


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters are much shorter than they were in my previous stories. That's because I should actually study, and this is my quick release from my books!

Dean came to Pontiac in 2011. It had been discussed with Sam the moment he secured himself a spot in Stanford. The day that Sam left Lawrence to become a lawyer, Dean packed up the few stuff he had, and moved away to where Ellen and Jo lived.

It had been him and Sam for a little while, before that. After their dad died, Dean only just had reached an age that could be considered as an adult. He got a job at the local garage, and made sure his brother got food in his stomach and went to bed on a good hour. It hadn't been living, back then, but rather surviving.

In the three years since he moved here, much has changed already. First of all, he managed to find an affordable house not too far from anywhere and was allowed to move out of Ellen's spare room at the Roadhouse.

The Roadhouse isn't his only job, though. During the day, for five days a week, Dean finds himself repairing cars at the local garage. As it turns out, Bobby - the owner - used to be a good friend of his dad's, and was surprised that Dean actually moved all the way here. Where at first things had been a bit uncomfortable between the two - because let's face it, John Winchester wasn't really the best father in the world - eventually the two of them ended up being close enough to have some strange sort of father-son relationship between the two of them.

During his time here, Dean can honestly say he's never felt lonely. There's at least always somewhere he can go whenever he's not feeling like being alone. The best part about these people is that they also understand when they should give him his space.

It's safe to say that Dean loves all of his friends here, even though there aren't many of them.

But there are also days where he's ready to throttle them.

"I can't believe I'm actually here," Dean mutters out. Next to him, Jimmy is smiling widely at him.

"If you truly didn't want to come, you wouldn't have been here," Jimmy counters. Dean just rolls his eyes and walks forward towards the registration table. He shouldn't have been too surprised that Jimmy had been in on this along with Jo. Maybe Dean needs to question whether or not the two of them aren't secretly in league. He actually thought the two of them never spoke to each other.

"I don't _want_ to do this," Dean mumbles, knowing he's tumbling over the same obstacle again and again. He just needs to place _one_ good competition, and then maybe things will be better. But, that would be too optimistic. Dean never manages to finish whenever it's his turn. His nerves get the upper hand, and more often than not he skates away the moment his name is called out.

"Don't worry, I'm here," Jimmy comforts him, but it doesn't help at all. Still, Dean knows he's only trying.

If he would manage to pull this competition through, it would mean that Jimmy will finally see what Dean actually can do. He's kept most of his skills hidden whenever the other was around, mostly so the suggestions of contests didn't come up, but apparently his annoying non-sister seems to disagree on that.

And this is a contest for amateurs, really. He's clearly the oldest in the group, so this should be a piece of cake!

So why can't he just go through with it?

"Yeah, about that, you're with your best friend instead of your fiancé? You actually surprise me," Dean jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood. Jimmy throws him a short glare.

"Amelia is working today. It's not like I could have asked her to take the weekend off," Jimmy offers as an answer. Dean grins at him, but he still feels a heavy weight on his shoulders despite it.

When it's his turn to sign in, Dean offers the woman at the table his name. In turn, he gets a list of the competitors, the rules, and some tickets for food for him and Jimmy. Dean nods at her and thanks her before walking away again. He follows the signs where the contestants have to go, and then drops down on the ground to put on his skates.

"So, uh, I should thank you for getting Cassie home last night, by the way," Jimmy says. He's leaning against the wall while he watches Dean tying the laces together. The younger man looks up at his friend, honestly having forgotten that because of the nerves going through his body.

"Right," Dean says. "Well, your brother's kind of an ass, to be honest." It's meant as a joke, but Jimmy still winces. Should Dean apologize? He did kind of insult the guy's twin brother.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Jimmy says before Dean can scramble back. "Cassie's actually a nice guy, but he's been under a lot of stress lately and I haven't been making much time for him, I’m afraid."

"He's really ambitious, isn't he?" Dean asks. He wonders how much time the two have spent together lately, with all this traveling around Castiel does. "He was actually kind of insulted you didn't mention his international contests to me."

"Huh, usually he tells me he _doesn't_ want me spreading it all around. He really should make up his mind..."

After that, the two stay silent for a while. When Dean has finished putting on his second skate, Jimmy helps him up and Dean starts stretching his arms. His heart is already beating faster than it should right now. He wonders if he's actually going to be able to start, today.

"You need to practice?" Jimmy asks while nodding towards the track. Dean thinks it over for a moment, seeing all the young people already trying their best at slaloming around the cones that are already lying there. Practicing might be good for him, but he's not sure if his nerves are going to allow it.

Instead he shakes his head, trying to lose his shoulders a bit. He should really get over himself; his dream is to go for the bigger contests, isn't it? He has to start somewhere, right?

"Well, I'm getting a drink. You want something?" Jimmy holds up the tickets they just got from the lady at the front. Dean simply shakes his head. He doesn't think he can keep anything in, right now.

Right now, all he wishes is to be the first contestant. At least then he wouldn't have to see the others perform.

"Out of the way, grandpa," a teenager next to him calls out when he passes him by. When he looks back he throws Dean a glare before getting to the track. Dean just sighs. Right, most of these kids here are between seventeen and twenty-one. Dean feels extremely out of place right now, and no matter how much he tries to hide it, he just can't.

Anybody that would meet Dean outside of the skating world would think Dean is the most self-assured man anybody could meet. Dean knows he has a golden tongue and always knows exactly how to address the ladies. His looks surely are quite a help on that front as well.

And skating with Jimmy or alone gives him confidence. Skating in front of the kids inspires him to show them how it's done - and if he didn't already have two jobs, he could have accepted the position as an instructor. But, the moment he's being judged by people qualified for it, a flip is switched. The whole reason why didn't want others to know about his dream to compete is exactly this; this is where Dean is at his weakest.

Eventually Jimmy comes back with a beer in his hands, and he raises it towards Dean in some sort of toast. Dean just ignores it, already worked up enough. Then he moves his head to the side, noticing the papers he's gotten from the lady at the front. Right, the order is already made beforehand. Dean hurries to his stuff and grabs the white sheet from the ground, quickly searching for his name.

Well, he's not first, but he's also not last. There are about ten contestants, and Dean is the fifth. That means he has to watch four people before him perform. Crap, one he could have handled, but four are actually too much for him.

"Dean, are you okay?" Jimmy asks in confusion when Dean crumbles the paper. The skater looks up and wonders how desperate he looks. Maybe it's better they leave, pretend this never happened. They could say to Jo that he wasn't on the list after all, that she didn't succeed at checking him in.

But what would he prove with that? No, Dean has to at least try.

During the first three contestants, Dean has had enough self-control to keep his eyes on his phone instead of the teens that are currently performing. There's some applause from the crowd, but mostly it's the families that are the most enthusiastic. He tries not to listen when the points are being called out.

By the time they get to the contestant before Dean, he loses his patience and looks up at last.

It turns out being the one kid that called out on him earlier. Dean watches as he smirks up at the public, and then starts slaloming in the typical 'difficult' way. Dean has more skills than that, he notes, but still that's no comfort. The boy goes to the end with no trouble at all and then starts making some jumps to impress the crowd even more. Dean lets out a long breath, wondering if he's actually going to make it this time.

"It's weird, really. I've never even seen all these kids. Where did they learn it all?" Jimmy wonders out loud. Dean can't answer him, instead checking his phone again quickly. Maybe he should send a text to Sam, distract himself? But what can he possibly say? He's more the kind of person that calls his brother up rather than sending some short texts.

"And that was Dirk, eighteen years old," someone calls out, and Dean knows that means the guy finished. This probably means it's Dean's turn, right?

 _Don't call out my name, don't call out my name,_ Dean thinks to himself.

"The next contestant is Dean Winchester, twenty-four years old!"

Dean stands up reluctantly. Jimmy smiles at him in assurance, but it doesn't help one bit. Dean just gets to the front of the track, coming to stand at the first cone that indicates his starting point. The commentator is talking some more, but Dean isn't really listening.

His heart is racing, his ears are ringing, and his fingers feel like they've turned into stone. He's fine, he keeps on reminding himself. He can do this simple parcour, and prove that he's not a hopeless case. He'll prove that he's got the skills, and that he can do something with them.

The signal sounds that he can start, but he barely notices it. Instead of fixing his gaze on the cones in front of him, his eyes travel over the public around him. They're all looking at him, expecting to see someone great. Or maybe they're just waiting for him to fail.

"Dean?" comes from behind him, and he turns to find Jimmy nodding at him in assurance. "You can do it, just forget everybody here."

But Dean can't even nod. He's being watched, being judged, and he's already losing points right now. There's something heavy stuck in his throat, and his breathing is shaky. His eyes are planted on Jimmy, who seems actually worried.

Then, without saying anything, Dean starts skating. Only, not towards the cones, but instead heading for the exit.

 

* * *

 

 

The sports center is empty when Dean gets there the evening after the competition that wasn't meant to be. There's nothing here that indicates the event even happened. That stills his heart for a bit.

He pockets the key he got from Jimmy, which allows him to practice even when there's nobody here. Dean goes to sit down on the ground, makes quick work of putting his skates on, and then heads to the storage room where he picks up random cones and drops them on the ground.

Only half the lights are on, but he doesn't need more of them. Slaloming around cones could possibly be the easiest thing Dean can think of.

Before starting with his tricks, instead he decides to warm up a bit. He follows the track for a while, making speed and trying to break his own record - though he has no idea what his fastest time actually is. It leaves him breathless and panting towards the end, but he loosened his muscles enough that there's no more tension in his body.

He's glad that he got the evening off. After that humiliation at the competition, he's not sure if he can really face Jo or Ellen so soon. Sure, it's not the first time he bails before he manages to get one trick done. It shouldn't be a surprise for them anymore.

But it's embarrassing, and it gets worse with each competition they sign him up for.

Dean trains until the middle of the night. He's sweaty, exhausted and just about ready to fall over when he decides it's best to stop and call it a night. His feet are hurting. The muscles of his legs burning from the constant weight it has to push forward. When he drops down on the ground to remove his skates, he might just as well fall asleep right here on the spot.

"Hello?" comes from next to him, and Dean turns around to see Jimmy walking inside with hesitation. Dean remains lying on the ground, not willing to stand up at all.

"Hey pal," Dean breathes out. He drops a hand on his chest and closes his eyes for a moment.

"I'm trying to find my brother, did you see him?" then comes, and Dean then sits up a bit to look at the man walking towards him. Dean would automatically say that he couldn't have any idea where Castiel is, but then understanding passes through him.

Right, this isn't Jimmy.

"Oh, hey Cas. I'm alone, so he's not here I'm afraid," Dean says with a soft shrug. He should probably start to take off his skates so he just starts on that.

"Oh, okay," Castiel says in obvious disappointment. "It's just, he's not picking up his phone, and I saw the light on, so I just assumed..."

Dean throws him a short look, taking in the man in front of him and only seeing an exact copy of his best friend. If he's going to keep on running in to Castiel, he should really start to recognize the difference between the two.

It should probably start with the hair. Jimmy's hair is uncontrollable wild, going everywhere it shouldn't go and almost appearing as some sort of cartoon character. But, looking at Cas, Dean finds that his hair is neatly combed back. Somehow he managed to tame his hair where Jimmy isn't able to.

Secondly, there's the expression of his eyes. Cas looks like he's constantly reminded of something sad, while Jimmy often just radiates happiness by just looking at someone. It makes Dean wonder if anything ever happened with the guy that there would be such a difference between the two.

"Yeah, no it's just me, sorry," Dean says as he removes his last skate and drops both of them back in the bag. He quickly puts his boots back on before coming to stand on his feet again. His legs are still tired, and walking forward seems to be a bit difficult after being on wheels for so long.

He sees Castiel nod hesitantly, and then he frowns. This doesn't seem like the look of a guy that simply wanted to see his brother. Clearly, he came here to ask something.

"What's up?" Dean asks after a moment. He crosses his arms in front of him and raises his eyebrows as he gives Cas a long stare. The other man only sighs and then shrugs.

"It's nothing, I wanted to ask if he could drive me home, but I guess I'll just walk," Castiel says before starting to turn around. Dean immediately stops him by grabbing his arm.

"Dude, it's an hour walk, and it's past midnight!" he counters. Castiel stands still, eyes traveling over where Dean's hand is touching his skin. Dean immediately pulls back, suddenly realizing he's holding on for too long. "Come on, I'm driving you."

Before Castiel can protest on that, Dean walks him by with his skates hanging over his shoulder. He nods towards the exit, and just hopes that the guy is following him when he turns off the lights.

They don't speak while Dean locks the place down. Mostly, Dean is just trying to make sure he doesn't leave anything open. He doesn't need a scolding from the organization or from Jimmy himself. After all, he's officially not supposed to have the key, only having one because he asked Jimmy for a copy.

Castiel picks up his own bag from the hallway where he dropped it, and Dean is sure those are his own skates. So the guy probably went training as well. The ice rink is only ten minutes away from here, but so far Dean has never really been there before.

Dean allows Castiel to drop his stuff in the trunk right next to Dean's skates. When he offers Castiel a bottle of water - he keeps a stash of them inside for the training-days - Castiel refuses with a thanks. Dean does take one, feeling quite thirsty after a few hours on the track.

"I'm, uh... You still know where I live?" Castiel asks the moment he sits down on the passenger seat. Dean only snorts at him and then shakes his head.

"I don't think I'll easily forget that, it was quite memorable," Dean jokes with a smirk. Then he starts the car and gets them out of the parking lot.

Where a walk would have been about an hour, driving doesn't take longer than twenty minutes at most, especially when there aren't any other cars in the background. There's music playing in the background, but the volume is low.

"I recall the waitress saying something about a competition," Castiel suddenly brings up, surprising Dean. How the hell does the guy even remember anything from last night? "How did it go?" 

Dean simply grunts when he stops at a traffic light that just turned red. There are no other cars on the road, no people walking by. He does see some lights turned on in some houses, and at a local cafe a few people seem to be smoking outside.

"It didn't, I bailed," Dean mutters out bitterly. Castiel simply looks at him but doesn't speak up, for which Dean is thankful for. He doesn't want to have to explain it to him. They don't know each other, and it's not like they have good first impressions of each other.

"The first time I competed on World Figure Skating Championship, I was only sixteen years old," Castiel suddenly starts. When Dean throws him a short glance, he can see the guy looking out of the window as he jumps back in an old memory. "I was the youngest contestant to have made it so far, but I got nervous at the end and messed up my programs."

Dean doesn't say anything as he listens. he wonders for a moment why Castiel is telling him this. They're not friends, after all.

"So there I was, stuck in Moscow with my name written on the last place. Images of all my falls kept on being showed on the screens. I vowed then that I wouldn't be doing any more competitions."

"But you did," Dean remarks. Castiel simply shrugs.

"I didn't participate in 2006, but eventually Jimmy urged me on to start again. I built myself all the way back up to the championships in Tokyo, and got myself on the first place."

Dean whistles in admiration. "Wow, you went from last to first? That must have been quite a surprise?"

Castiel lets out a soft chuckle and then nods. He lets out a long breath and smiles.

"But I couldn't have made it if I didn't have Jimmy cheering me on. It doesn't matter if there are many people rooting for you. All you need is the _right_ one."

Dean turns into Castiel's street after that, but he notices he's driving way slower than the speed limit. The street is long, and there are many houses they still need to pass, but eventually Dean gets them there.

He thinks Castiel's words through, though. Could it be that he can't do this crap because Sam isn't by his side? He can recall well enough that Sam had been there the first time, and he still failed. Does Castiel mean that he should try again with his brother by his side? Sammy doesn't have the time for that!

"Well, Dean, thanks for the ride," Castiel says, holding out his hand for Dean to shake. It takes him a bit by surprise, but he can't help but smile, remembering the way Jimmy did the same thing when they first met. After all, this is probably the first sober conversation the two of them have had.

"You're welcome, Cas," Dean says, accepting the shake. "I guess it was about time we met."

Castiel just smiles, and then gets himself out of the car. Dean waits until he's inside with his skates before he drives away.

They don't see each other anymore for many weeks.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter! :-)

Dean has met Amelia almost immediately after getting to know Jimmy. She's quite a sweet lady with a lot of love for her job at the local public school. She has a bright and radiant smile, sweet blue eyes and golden hair that almost seems to shine in the sun. Dean isn't too surprised that they got along so well almost immediately.

He knows Amelia as an organizer. Whenever she and Jimmy are going on a holiday, it needs to be planned months in advance so everything can be in order; somebody's watching the house, watering the plans, keeping the mail and whatever else somebody needs to have taken care of.

That's probably why he's very much surprised to hear that the woman has agreed to get married before December ends.

"But, why so soon?" Dean asks Jimmy after he gets the dates. He knows most people rather enjoy a summer-wedding, or at least in spring. Amelia even hates the fall, so it just makes no sense, really.

"The Figure Skating Season has begun again, and Cassie’s first contest will be in January, and we really want to get married before then," Jimmy explains while handing Dean his coffee. They're at Jimmy's house currently, going over some details from the wedding. Dean sighs but then nods, seeing some logic in that, at least. 

"He'll be gone how long?" Dean asks. Jimmy simply shrugs before marking the chosen date in the calendar.

"Depends if he gets himself to the finals. He didn't win in the Olympics, so he has to catch up a little bit. Not much, though, only about two competitions before going to the championships, and those are in March as far as I know."

Dean sighs but then gives his friend a smile. Of course, he wouldn't even mind if Jimmy would suddenly announce that the wedding is next week; they're free to choose, after all.

"Well, I'm sure we'll make something work. It's only September, after all," Dean offers, and Jimmy grins happily before wrapping him in a tight hug.

And sure enough, they do manage to make something work. Whenever Jimmy gets too busy with organizing, Dean takes over one of his classes. He helps out with the location, and even lends a hand in sending out all the invitations.

When it comes to the bachelor party, Dean has offered to organize it, only to hear that it’s already been taken care of. All Dean knows is that he needs to go to the roadhouse, two evenings before the wedding. Dean can agree on that, really.

September turns into October. They celebrate Halloween by letting the students dress up and invent some sort of show for their parents. Dean even teaches the older kids how to perform some tricks he’s sure they can manage. It must have been one of the best lessons they’ve had that year, and many pictures have been taken from it.

The second of November, Sam drops everything at school and flies all the way back to Pontiac. Together, the two brothers remember their mother on the anniversary of her death, and they drink on her. Possibly, they got a bit drunk, and the two tried skating a bit in the sport’s center, but eventually Jimmy came to break up the party and brought them back home safely.

The day after that, Sam flew back to Stanford. It was as if the night before had never happened, and that’s okay for them. Life goes on, after all.

The evening of the bachelor party, Dean gets a message from Jimmy, who is asking if he can go and pick up Castiel, who appears to have lost his ride. Dean agrees to it, realizing that it means that he can’t drink this evening, unless anybody else will be their designated driver.

He doesn’t complain at all, instead picking up his best friend’s twin brother without any trouble of remembering which house it is. He parks his car in front of the gate, and then walks up to the door to ring the doorbell.

Dean and Castiel haven’t seen each other again since the beginning of the summer, but to be fair, Dean hadn’t been thinking much about him. Now, as the door opens, it reveals Castiel standing there, with his hair slicked back, wearing a suit but without the jacket. Immediately, Dean looks down at his own clothes, wondering if he’s seriously underdressed, or if Castiel is majorly _overdressed_.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greets him with a light smile, and Dean only nods at him before pointing to the car.

“Looks like you’ll be getting another ride. It’s almost like you end up in my car every time we see each other,” he jokes, and Castiel grins as well before closing the door behind him and locking it. Dean quickly goes down the steps to get back to his Baby, somehow finding himself opening the passenger door. Huh, where does this come from, he wonders?

“Thanks,” Castiel says without making too much of a deal about it, and then he sits himself down. Dean decides to follow his example, and closes the door before getting himself behind the wheel. This time he isn’t hesitating in keeping the volume of his radio high. Cas is staring out of the window, but Dean does notice him smiling a few times whenever he tries to catch a glimpse.

“You’re kind of happy,” Dean remarks, and Castiel simply shrugs.

“My brother is getting married,” Castiel explains. Dean lets out a laugh at the simple enthusiast he’s showing. He doesn’t say anything to it, though, instead turning in a street that leads them to the Roadhouse. The parking lot is filled enough, but Dean manages to find a little spot close enough. By the time he’s out of the car, Castiel is already waiting for him a little further away.

The evening is simple enough; they tell embarrassing stories about Jimmy, they drink on him, and eventually they convince Ellen to turn up the music. Dean sits himself down at the bar the moment two of Jimmy’s friends – Dean doesn’t really know them, but they’re called Don and Lucas – start dancing on the table.

“Dean, your friends are crazy,” Jo says from behind the bar. She’s been having it easy since Dean has been taking care of the orders mostly, walking back and forth whenever anybody wanted something to drink.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know half of them, but they’re quite hilarious I would say,” Dean answers with a smirk. Jo huffs and takes out a glass from the water to start drying it.

“One of them even tried to hit on me when I was bringing out some orders,” Jo says in clear disgust, as if she couldn’t even imagine it.

“Let me guess, you put the fear of God in him?” Dean asks, knowing Jo well enough. Jo only rolls her eyes and holds out a bottle of beer towards him. Dean only shakes his head. “Nah, I have to drive Jimmy and Cas home tonight.”

He doesn’t expect the questioning look coming from Jo, whose eyes then quickly turn to the celebrating group. Dean follows her gaze, seeing Castiel and Jimmy slumped forward on the table, laughing a bit too hard about something somebody said.

Seeing the two next to each other, Dean notes, almost breaks his brain. The two seem to have decided to be wearing the exact same thing, and Jimmy even managed to tame his hair for the occasion, so now it’s almost impossible to keep the two apart.

“Nicknaming him already? Man, you and those Novaks really get along well,” Jo remarks. Dean wonders what she means with that, but he decides not to call her out on it. She’s probably just teasing him, after all.

“Yeah, Cas is alright, I think. Kind of an ass when he’s drunk, though,” Dean instead says, remembering the first time they met. It’s such a contrast compared to the second time the two got to talk together. It’s obvious, though, that the brothers are now completely drunk off their ass. They had warned beforehand that they would be getting really drunk.

“Right, I remember,” Jo laughs, and then she’s off. Dean watches her go for a moment, seeing her go to the back, probably to stock up on the beer bottles. For a moment, Dean wonders if he should help her, but then he decides he’s not here to work, after all.

Instead he moves to his friend again. Jimmy is heavily leaning against Castiel, telling some sort of story about what must probably be Castiel’s first attempt at dating. It would surely have been funny, but he can’t understand a single word from it, really.

Things go on for a little while, but then Jimmy comes up with what he thinks is the most wonderful idea he can ever have. It’s then that Dean wonders if he should cut the party short and make sure everybody gets home alright.

If he would be a responsible adult, that option should have been the only right thing to do. But, Dean finds, this might end up being too funny, and he really doesn’t want to miss it. So, when Jimmy suggests they all go to the Ice Skating rink and race each other, he agrees to drive them all there.

As it turns out, Castiel has keys of the place, much like Jimmy has those of the sport’s center. Jimmy’s two other friends manage to push themselves in the backseat next to Castiel, and then the three of them are off. He quickly notices Don holding up a bottle of champagne, almost ready to open it.

“If you dare spilling anything on the leather, I’ll kick you out of this car!” Dean warns him, and Don wisely waits until they’ve arrived at their destination.

Castiel complains when he remembers that he didn’t bring his skates along, claiming that he can’t skate on those from the center. Everybody mostly ignores him, though. He helps the others with finding good skates of their own sizes, and even Dean gets a pair tossed his way.

Now, it’s safe to say that Dean has _never_ been ice skating before.

Sure, it’s not _that_ different from inline skating when it comes to the basics, but the idea of having two blades under his feet, cutting through the ice… no it never appealed to him.

But, since people are surely going to fall, it would be best if he would be wearing a pair, as well. So Dean tries them on, and finds that they fit perfectly. The closing mechanism is almost the same like his own skates in the trunk, but the laces are a bit too long, so he passes them around his ankle a few times before binding them.

When he looks up, he sees that everybody is already on the track. Castiel must have turned the light on, but he’s clearly limited it to the spots for shows. It’s still pretty dark around them, but everything on the ice is clear enough.

Dean lets out a snort when Jimmy and Lucas are already sitting on their ass on the ice, having fallen the moment they gotten on it. Don looks wobbly as well, but he’s hanging in there, keeping his hand tightly to the side to prevent himself from falling.

Castiel, though, is already skating to the middle of the rink. He looks a bit shaky on his legs, but it’s obvious to Dean that he’s pretty much used to this already. He compares it a bit with how he feels on his inline skates.

With a hand holding the sideboard, Dean puts his first foot on the ice. Much like he suspected, it’s extremely slippery. If he wasn’t holding himself up, he would surely have fallen on the ground.

“You know, _normal_ people go to a strip bar during their bachelor parties,” Dean notes loudly when Jimmy tries to get up, but instead falls on his ass again. He had been right, though. This shit is almost too funny to watch.

“Noooooo Dean! No stripperssssssss!” Jimmy slurs out. When Dean thinks he’s got enough balance on the ice for now, he slowly pushes himself towards his best friend. When he holds out his gloved hand – it’s winter, so everybody’s pretty much appropriately dressed for this – Jimmy allows him to pull him back up.

“Keep your hand on the board, you idiot,” Dean tells him. Jimmy makes an angry face, but he does listen to him. While Castiel is mostly doing nothing in the middle, the other four slowly get used to the feeling of ice underneath their feet by doing a few rounds around the track.

By the time Dean finishes his second round, he distances himself from the border. Instead of now working on his balance, Dean goes for his speed and agility. Stepping over in the corners seems to have the same effect, and before he knows it he’s made two more rounds before the other three have finished their third.

All the while, Castiel has only been standing there. Dean doesn’t know what he’s been doing the entire time, but now he feels his eyes resting on him as Dean gives skating backwards a try as well.

It all feels the same, he quickly comes to understand. Sure, it feels a lot more slippery with ice, but it’s just a matter of adjustment. If Jimmy hadn’t been so drunk, he surely wouldn’t have had such a hard time, either.

It’s when he tries for a jump that he miscalculates. Jumping with inline skates is definitely not the same as with ice skates. He quickly slips the moment he touches down, and he lands hard on his side, breath pushed out of his lungs the moment he makes impact.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been lying there. It’s not that it hurts, at all, but somehow he finds he doesn’t mind staying put for a little while. Not for too long, of course, since the cold starts to get through his layers of clothes.

“It was a brave attempt,” Castiel says to him. Dean opens his eyes to find the man standing right next to him, head bowed forward and hands resting on his hips. Dean simply rolls his eyes as he tries to get back up on his feet. “You did have a good technique there, where did you learn it?”

“Just… watched some video’s online,” Dean mutters out. He doesn’t really feel the need to explain his past to the guy he barely knows. Just to shake off the cold, he does a few turns around Castiel and then crouches down while skating forward some more.

Castiel stays silent, luckily. The only other sound around them is the grunting coming from Jimmy and his friends. It seems like they are _way_ more drunk than Castiel is. That, or the ice skater manages to keep it hidden with his experience on the rink.

“Why did you choose for inline skating?” suddenly comes from next to him. Dean realizes quickly that Castiel must have been skating next to him the entire time. Quickly he gets back up, and he drops his hands in his pockets.

“Well, I begged quite a lot, and then my father signed me up for some lessons. It was all quite new at the time in our town, so we weren’t with many,” Dean explains, recalling his first lessons. He had been about seven back then, and they were only in a group of eight kids. It’s good for individual coaching, though.

“You did competitions back then?” then comes.

“Yeah, just small ones, mostly about speed and technique,” Dean explains quietly. “My father always went to the first few competitions, but after a while he stayed away, figuring I would be fine.”

Castiel nods again.

“And you didn’t have trouble performing those?” he asks.

“Okay, what’s with the twenty questions?” Dean asks, finding himself a bit annoyed at the sudden interview he’s getting. Castiel seems a bit startled at the sudden reaction, and both men stop skating for a moment. Then Dean lets out a sigh. “Sorry, man, I just… don’t like talking about it.”

“It’s okay,” Castiel says in a shrug. Then he skates past Dean and leaves him standing there. Dean wonders if he should follow him, but instead he decides against it. He could maybe try the jump again? Castiel did say he had a good technique…

He gives it a shot, despite his mind warning him that it might not be the best idea. He ignores it while he tries to gain speed, passing Castiel by in just a flash of a second before turning around. Skating backwards feels almost exactly the same, but his skates feel just so much lighter than his inline skates. That’s probably what went wrong in his first jump.

He takes the thought in mind, letting the edge of the blade on his left side turn inwards as he keeps his right foot in the air, pushing himself off the ice and letting himself spin once before attempting to get back down.

He can’t find the stability once he lands on his right foot, and before he knows it, he’s back on his ass, head banging hard against the ice. A soft groan escapes from his mouth, and immediately he has to admit that it was indeed not such a good idea.

“Well, it was a bit better since you actually managed a rotation,” Castiel’s voice once again comes above him, and Dean snorts.

“Man ice skates are so light, I can’t get used to it,” Dean mumbles out. When he sees Castiel’s hand held out to him, Dean gratefully allows himself to be pushed back up.

“It’s just a matter of practice. If I wasn’t drunk, I would have showed you,” Cas says. Dean has to admire the responsibility he’s showing, refusing to do any tricks while he’s not sober. Of course, with so many competitions in front of him, Dean wouldn’t dare to try out shit like that either.

Before Dean can comment him on it, Jimmy finally joins them to the middle, grabbing Dean’s hands in his own and making them spin in a circle. Dean starts laughing when Jimmy starts to make weird noises. Next to them, Jimmy’s other two friends try it as well, but once again they fall on the ice. Jimmy and Dean have more experience with skating, so they manage to balance well enough.

“Dean?” Jimmy suddenly slurs out, leaning a bit against his best friend and wrapping his arms around him. Dean is surprised from the sudden clinginess, but then remembers that’s just the way Jimmy is whenever he’s drunk.

“Yes, pal?” he asks while gently tapping him on his back.

“When I get married, it’s your turn to settle down,” Jimmy mutters, pressing his face suddenly against Dean’s shoulder and letting all his weight rest on him so Dean has to adjust his footing. “I’ll find you somebody perrrfect and then you can get married and everything will be great!”

“Sure thing, Jimmy,” Dean laughs, but wondering where this is suddenly coming from. Dean has never showed any indication that he might be feeling lonely, he thinks? Has this been on Jimmy’s mind for a while?

“And you’ll take care of Cassie for me whenever I’m not there, right? He gets lonely, too…” Dean wants to make him stop talking, but he’s interrupted by Castiel who is looking at his brother with a clear annoyance on his face.

“Jimmy, that’s enough,” Castiel snaps a bit too loud. Jimmy quickly loosens his grip on Dean and almost falls down on the ice before Dean grabs him by the arms.

Nobody mentions any of it afterwards. They skate on for another hour before Dean admits that he’s pretty much exhausted. They agree to get off the ice, and make sure everything is in order for the next day. It wouldn’t do good to leave a mess behind.

Castiel gets the skates back in their places, and then the five of them are off.

When Dean drops Jimmy off at his house, Amelia helps him with bringing the guy back into the bedroom. She gives Dean a short kiss on his cheek and thanks him for bringing him back home safely. After that, only Cas remains, having dropped Don and Lucas earlier on their way to Jimmy’s.

Once again, Cas seems to have fallen asleep, only this time he doesn’t succeed in waking him up. Dean lets out a short sigh. That means he’ll have to do this the hard way.

He quickly fishes Cas’ keys out of the pocket of his jacket, keeping them in hand-distance. After that, he fishes Castiel out of the seat.

He’s not exactly light, as is indicated by the burn in his muscles the moment he lifts him up, but it’s not that he’s as heavy as any other man of their age would be. Cas makes a soft noise when his face is pressed against Dean’s shoulder, but he doesn’t wake.

“You know, whenever I imagined carrying somebody to a house in bridal style, this wasn’t what I had in mind,” Dean mostly mutters to himself. He lets Castiel’s weight rest on his leg when he opens the door of the house, and then he gets them inside.

Remembering the way to Castiel’s bedroom, he gets him inside quickly enough. After dropping him down on the mattress, gently, he starts taking of the guy’s shoes. Castiel is pretty much unresponsive the entire time, and sleeps on when Dean pulls off his coat and gloves.

“You’re really unbelievable,” Dean grits out bitterly, wondering how he keeps on getting in this position. So far, he’s seen Castiel only three times, and out of those he’s had to undress him twice already. That’s not really a great start, he notes.

When Cas is good enough to sleep on, Dean throws the covers over him, and turns to get out of the room.

He’s stopped when Cas grabs on to his arm.

“Don’t leave me alone,” he mutters out with his eyes still closed. Dean frowns, staying quiet for a moment. The hold on his arm loosens almost immediately, but the request is still fresh in his mind as he goes over again what just happened.

But Cas doesn’t say anything else again when Dean takes his hand away, and after a few seconds of just watching,  he decides he’s probably just talking in his sleep. This time, when Dean tries to get out of the room, Cas doesn’t stop him.

Two days later, Jimmy gets married, and while Cas' words are still going through Dean’s mind, it seems like the ice skater appears to have forgotten about it.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo much research on the competitions.  
> There's just so many!


	4. Four

 

Dean can remember the last competition he ever actively participated in very well. It had been a good one for a while, but it ended up a complete mess. Dean had vowed to himself after it that he would never compete again, mostly because of the furious look his father kept on giving him the following few days. 

Of course, he keeps on telling everybody that the reason _why_ he stopped participating is because he lost. In reality, though, that isn’t the exact truth.  

Memories of that last contest keep on going through Dean’s mind as he skates in the empty sport’s center. It’s past closing hour already, but Dean somehow hasn’t stopped practicing ever since the last lesson had finished. 

With Jimmy and Amelia currently on their honeymoon, Dean has received a few shifts off from his work to take over his friend’s lessons. And he finds he enjoys teaching the kids really much. They’re all respectful – in a way. They listen to him, most of them perform really well… If it had been a fulltime job, Dean would probably have taken it immediately, dropping his shifts at the Roadhouse. 

It’s not that he doesn’t like working there, but bartending has never really been what he planned to do the rest of his life. The hours are crap, most customers end up drunk and he even got a few punches in the face a few times when he tried to stop fights. 

Dean isn’t really aware of what he’s doing. His legs are working on automatic pilot as he goes through the entire hall, skating backwards, making jumps and turns. He skates with one leg in the air as he leans forward, holding out his arms as if he’s flying. Then, in just a matter of seconds, he makes another jump. 

It goes on and on, movements smoothly and almost too easy. The choreography is still so fresh in his mind, despite not having done it for eight years already.  

Still, that’s a long time, so towards the end of it, he starts to tire. He messes up his jump, and lands down on the ground. Dean closes his eyes for a moment, thinking back of the competition. 

 _It’s about this part when it all went wrong_ , Dean thinks to himself. But as the memories go back through his mind, he shakes his head. No, he shouldn’t be thinking about this anymore. They’re eight years further now, and Dean should get over it. 

Dean had hoped that his mind would have been clearer when he got out of the center, but instead, he’s more troubled than ever. There’s another ache in his chest that always comes up whenever Dean does this specific kind of training. It’s an uneasy feeling that makes him quite annoying to be around with. That’s mostly why he never pulls out all the stops whenever Jimmy is nearby. 

The Impala is parked next to the other building, due to lack of parking space earlier today. Of course, now it’s completely empty since everybody has gone home. With his hands stuck in his jacket, Dean walks towards the Ice arena. He hasn’t been there since the bachelor party, but he does remember how it looked when it was closed, since they had come there in the middle of the night. 

Now, with it only being eleven in the evening, it’s clear that the light is still on. When he thinks about the date, he quickly notes that it’s the 28th of December, which means that Castiel is still in town for now. It could be possible that it’s him practicing? 

After dropping his skates in his trunk, his mind brings him towards the entry of the rink. There’s nobody inside anymore, so he’s not stopped when he jumps over the barrier. It’s not like he can buy a ticket to skate, after all.  

He’s proven right when he gets to the hall. It’s cold as always, and only half of the lights are turned on. In the middle of the rink is Cas, spinning around on the ice with his head and arms leaning backwards. Dean doesn’t speak up, instead walking towards the tribune and sitting down on one of the seats.  

There’s no music, only the sound of Castiel’s breaths with every jump he makes and the blades of his skates touching down on the ice. Castiel is dressed completely in black, and his hair is now just as messy as Jimmy’s would have been.  

The way he moves, it’s almost mesmerizing. He comes over so graceful that it’s almost impossible to think that would be Jimmy’s twin brother, seeing as Jimmy has no grace whatsoever, instead ending up to be quite clumsy.  

That weird tugging in his chest comes back as he watches Castiel skate over the ice, but this time it doesn’t feel all that bad. The way he moves, it wouldn’t be a surprise to Dean if he were to come back with a gold medal. He doesn’t know if Castiel has already won the Championships before, but he’s assuming that he has. 

“Dean?” he suddenly hears, and Castiel immediately comes to a stop, skates dragging in the ice to slow down. Dean hadn’t even noticed he’d been seen. Immediately, he raises his hand in a short wave. 

“Hiya Cas!” he greets him. Should he go to him? Should he stay up here? Maybe Cas doesn’t like people watching him? This probably wasn’t such a good idea, he figures. Better to just head back home. 

But then, Cas skates to the side instead of staying right where he is. Dean takes that as a sign that maybe he’s not _that_ unwanted, after all. Dean jumps up from his seat, and carefully walks down the stairs to get back down. Once he gets to the bottom, Cas is already leaning against the border.  

“What are you doing here?” he asks in confusion. Dean just shrugs. 

“I don’t know, I was heading home but I saw the lights on…” Dean says. “It’s pretty late, so I figured it could only be you.” 

“How late is it?” Castiel suddenly asks with a worry clear on his tone. Dean looks down at his watch to check it out. 

“Almost midnight, I would say,” he answers. Castiel then sighs and shakes his head. 

“That means I missed my last bus home again… This keeps happening,” he mumbles out. He starts twitching with his gloves, not looking pleased at all. 

“Eh, that’s okay, you’ll just ride with me,” Dean offers as if it isn’t that big of a deal. Castiel looks up at him with his big blue eyes, so identical to Jimmy’s, but with such a different way of expressing emotions. 

“Oh Dean, I can’t keep on-“ he starts, but then Dean stops him with his hand in the air. 

“Nope, you ride with me, that’s final,” he counters, offering Cas a little smile before lowering his hand again. Cas smiles in return, and then lets go of the border. He makes a short spin before turning to look at Dean again. 

“You want to join?” he asks, much to Dean’s surprise. Dean almost automatically responds to that that he doesn’t have any skates, but then he remembers that there are skates for rent here. Surely, Cas can get his hands on another pair again.  

And to be honest, Dean _does_ want to nail that jump… 

“Sure,” he then says instead, and Cas moves to the opening in the sides. With big steps he walks to the changing room, gesturing for Dean to follow him. Walking on skates doesn’t seem that easy, but Cas seems to manage well enough after all those years.  

Cas jumps onto the counter and throws himself to the other side in one swift movement. He wonders if this is all even allowed. There must be cameras somewhere around, right? Or is he just allowed to do this?  

“Don’t worry, the owner is a friend of mine. She won’t mind,” Castiel reassures him, as if he’d just read his mind. Then he moves to the right, searching for skates about Dean’s size. He mumbles something to himself as his hands travel through the different shelves, until he finally pulls out a pair. 

Those seem like the skates he’d had before, Dean notes. They’re a black pair with green laces. The blade is still shiny, but not as much as Castiel’s, meaning that they must be quite older already. 

“Thanks,” Dean tells him, taking over the skates before Cas can get himself back to the other side.  

“I’ll be on the ice,” Cas quickly says before getting out of the changing room. Dean nods, and then sits himself down on the bench.  

 _Never been ice skating before, and now I’m doing it twice in one month?_ Dean shakes his head as he pushes his foot inside the skate. He hangs the coat on the hanger, but keeps his sweater and gloves on. It’s still cold out there, but if he’s moving the entire time, surely the coat will be too much after a while. 

After all, Cas is only there in his shirt and sweatpants. 

Dean meets him on the ice. Castiel is standing in the middle, waiting for him to join. But Dean isn’t feeling confident enough to head there immediately. He needs his round at the border before he can venture back to the center. Luckily, Castiel seems to understand, and instead skates towards Dean to keep him company.  

“So, where’s your first competition again?” Dean asks. Castiel clears his throat and looks straight ahead.  

“Greensboro, North Carolina” he answers. “I’ll be there from the eighteenth of January until the twenty-fifth of February.” Then he turns towards Dean, and speeds up a little, only to then turn backwards. This way he’s facing Dean while they skate.  

 _Showoff_ , he thinks to himself, but then remembering him doing the same thing with Jimmy all the time and getting that exact same word thrown at him. Oh, the irony.  

“Can I ask you questions, too?” Castiel asks, sounding a bit unsure about himself. It’s a bit surprising that he would remember Dean snapping at him for that exact same reason. Somehow, it looks like it had some effect on him. 

“Depends on which question,” Dean then says. Sure, Castiel can ask all he wants, but there’s some stuff that even Jimmy doesn’t know. No, stuff even _Sammy_ doesn’t know. It would be a miracle if Castiel would get those kind of answers out of him.  

“Do you have any siblings?” he gets instead. Huh, that’s quite a mild question. 

“Yeah, a brother, back at Stanford. Studies to become a lawyer,” Dean says proudly. Now it’s his turn again. “How many championships have you won so far?” 

“Well, in 2007 I won gold for the first time. The year after that I got into second place, but then from 2009 until 2013 I’ve got five gold medals in a row,” Castiel explains quickly. Dean’s eyes go wide from shock. _Five_ times gold in a row? This guy must be a genius on the ice! Dean makes a promise to himself to look up some videos of him.  

“Aren’t you, like, famous, then?” Dean asks, but Castiel shakes his head. 

“No, it’s my turn to ask a question,” he says with a smirk. Dean snorts but then gestures for him to go on. “Are you close with your brother?” 

Dean finds himself talking about his brother, explaining the tight bond the two have, despite the distance between them. In return, Dean learns about Castiel’s fame in the ice-skating world. People who actively watch sports surely know his name, and he does have quite a lot of followers on Instagram, he adds, making Dean snort since he doesn't know much about those kinds of things. 

They go on for a while, asking questions back and forth until eventually both of them are standing in the middle at last. Dean finds himself a bit out of breath, having talked about something that happened between him and Jimmy a year ago. Castiel had laughed during the story, which was actually not that bad of a sound in Dean’s ears.  

“Cas,” Dean then suddenly starts, standing still underneath the disco ball that is hanging in the exact center of the room. “Can I see your program? The one you’ll skate during the Championship?” 

Castiel holds his breath then for a few seconds while he inspects Dean. For a moment, Dean wonders if he said anything wrong, but then the other man nods. 

“Sure, but I have two programs, and I’m not sure if I can do both right now,” Castiel clarifies. Dean then shrugs. 

“Then do the one you’re most comfortable with,” he says, and Castiel nods. Quickly, he skates to the side. Dean follows him, receiving a remote control in his hands then.  

“When I’m in the middle, press the play button,” Castiel says. After that, he’s off again. Should Dean get off the ice, or is it okay for him to remain here?  

It's probably not a problem, he thinks. The moment Castiel is standing in position, Dean presses the play button, hearing the soft tune of an instrumental song playing. Dean can place it as a waltz, and it sounds vaguely familiar. 

Cas starts moving the moment the first note plays. While he stays standing on the spot, his arms start moving around in those same graceful movements Dean had seen before. He swings them to the left, to the right, and then he’s off, skating forward and then immediately spinning. 

Dean feels his opening wider with every second that passes. Each landing Cas makes after a jump is completely on point, balance perfect whenever he pushes himself off the ice. His arms move along with him. Dean is almost even sure that his eyes are closed during the entire performance. 

He has no idea how long it has been. The music goes from soft to hard, to then soft again before ending with that typical loud note. He can’t really describe what he’s seen happening in front of him, but there’s only one word that comes to mind. 

 _Beautiful_. 

Cas is completely out of breath when he stands back in the middle, hands raised up in the air and chest going up and down. Dean can’t help but put the remote in his pocket and quickly clap his hands, starting to applaud for the man who just performed something so wonderful before him. 

That’s when Cas drops his arms and hurries back to him. There’s a light smile on his face, and his cheeks are a bit red – though that could be from the cold in the arena. Even Dean knows his nose and ears are reddened.  

“That was amazing, Cas,” Dean says with a smirk, and Cas looks down in embarrassment.  

“I must say, that was probably the best performance I’ve done so far of this program,” he explains, seeming a bit surprised about it himself. He's still panting a little bit when he comes leaning against the sides, throwing his head and arms forward and practically hanging there like a drying towel.  

"Well, I'm sure it'll go just as well at the competition," Dean assures him. He comes standing next to Cas, pressing his back against the sides and resting his elbows on the edge. There's a smile stuck on his face while he looks over the entire arena. It's a big place, he quickly catches. To have such a rink all for yourself, it must be every skater's dream.  

Except, of course, there are bigger arena's, so maybe that thought doesn't really count. 

"I sure do hope so, too," Cas admits. "I just hope Jimmy's back by then, he usually comes with me whenever I have to perform in the States." 

"Huh, I don't really know when he'll be back, actually," Dean notes. For a few short seconds he inspects his skates. He really wanted to try out that jump again, but to be really honest, he's feeling extremely tired. Maybe it's better to drive Cas back home and head to bed, too? 

He suggests it to Cas, who agrees to it immediately. They get off the ice, change their skates back into their shoes, and then make sure that everything's in place for tomorrow. Cas turns off the lights, carries his bag over his shoulder, and then the two of them go upstairs. 

During the drive to Cas' house, they talk some more; Dean asks about the program he has planned for the championships. Cas asks some more about his interests in inline skating. Questions go back and forth, and before Dean knows it, something slips out of his mouth without meaning to. 

"So you got plans for new year?" he finds himself asking before thinking of it. He frowns immediately afterwards while wondering what exactly made him say that. Even _he_ didn't have plans for new year, so far. 

Cas stays quiet for a minute before shaking his head. 

"No, not really," he starts. "I used to spend it at Balthazar's place for a while, but that's not really an option anymore." 

"How come?" Dean asks curiously. Cas just looks down while nervously playing with his own fingers. 

"Well, we- uh, we broke up," he admits with hesitation. Dean doesn't say anything, instead waiting for more context. "We were friends for quite some time, and then we had a relationship for about a year before we ended things." 

Dean then nods in understanding. "So things are awkward now between you two?" he asks. Cas just shrugs. 

"He makes it awkward. But that's what happens with love if you don't work on it, right?"  

But Dean doesn't know. While he might have had a few flings in the past, he quickly comes to realize that, no, he's never actually been in love. He's mostly just avoided relationships like the plague, thinking back of his father's words. 

 _'Love only makes you weak. It grabs a hold of you, and when you're at your most vulnerable, it shatters you into pieces.'_  

It's safe to say that he's never really felt the need for it, either.  

Still, he finds himself agreeing. "Yeah, sure." 

Cas then sighs again while pressing his head against the window. "That first night we met? That was the night we'd broken up, which is probably why I was so annoying." 

Dean then snorts, causing for Cas to look up at him in confusion. 

"Yeah, no man, sorry, you weren't just annoying. You were a complete ass," he laughs out without any shame. He can see Cas' cheeks color red in embarrassment. "But it's fine, I figured it must have been the alcohol. If you are Jimmy's brother, surely you couldn't be that bad." 

Cas doesn't really say anything to that, anymore. He sits up a bit when they drive into his street, and the moment Dean stops in front of his house, Cas reaches for the door handle. 

"Dean, thank you for the ride. You've been too kind," Cas starts. Dean simply shakes his head in return.  

"There's no need to thank me. Maybe next time you need a ride, just call me, okay? See if I'm in the neighborhood?" 

Castiel then nods, making his way to get out of the car before Dean stops him again. He clears his throat and looks pointedly at Cas.  

"Aren't you forgetting something?" he asks. The pensive look on Castiel's face is golden. He seems a bit shocked, completey confused with everything that's happening around him. There's a slight chill getting inside the car since the door is still open. Castiel has one foot outside already. His body is turned towards Dean in a strange position that doesn't seem too comfortable. 

"What?" Cas asks when the answer fails to come. Dean just smirks and holds out his hand. 

"How are you supposed to call me without my number, wiseguy?" he asks playfully. Understanding immediately passes all over Castiel's face, who lets out a soft gasp before quickly reaching inside his jacket. When he fishes out his smartphone, he quickly unlocks it and opens up the phonepad right before dropping the phone in Dean's hand. 

Dean only shakes his head a bit while he starts to type down his number. He doesn't give it away all that much, so he has to think the numbers over for a few times before being completely convinced. Still, he starts up a call just to be sure.  

When the familiar sound of the guitar tune starts filling up the car, Dean knows it's the right one. He hangs up again, and hands the phone back to Cas, who then quickly pockets it away again. 

"Now I have yours as well," he says, though leaving his phone in his bag. He can save the number later, anyway. There's no hurry, really. 

"Good," Castiel says with a strange tone in his voice. Dean wonders if there's something else he's wanting to say, but the other man keeps his mouth shut after that. He gives Dean another long stare before nodding at last. "Thanks again, Dean. And a happy new year." 

"Happy new year to you, too," Dean says with a light smile. He waves at Castiel when the other finally gets out. The door is closed gently - good, since his baby needs to be handled with love - and then the trunk is opened. Once Cas has his stuff, he walks over to his front door. They wave at each other one last time, and then Dean drives away. 

On New Year's, they don't make plans together. Dean spends his evening taking a shift at the roadhouse to get some extra cash, and Cas spends his practicing on his programs. When they hit midnight, both of then send each other a quick text, and then they carry on. 

Neither of them know about the smile they brought to each other's face. 


	5. Five

Dean's January is mostly spent at Bobby's garage, fixing cars that have seen the wrong end of other cars or trees.

The road is slippery, with the snow, and most people can't seem to control their vehicle anymore, so each day he arrives in the garage, there's at least one more project waiting for him.

"Man, do people not know how breaks work?" Dean snaps right before the hood of a stupid pickup-truck falls onto his head. Dean jumps back in surprise, and then he bitterly throws his wrench down to the ground. "Son of a bitch! Stupid-ass shit car!"

"You watch your mouth, boy!" Bobby calls out from where he's seated at his desk. He told him earlier that he's going to do some paper work, but that has been about an hour ago, and he doesn't look any closer to being done.

"That piece of crap could have killed me!" Dean snaps back, but then he lets out a long breath and sweeps his wrench back up. The owner of the car had _claimed_ that his breaks weren't working anymore, causing for him to smash straight into a tree. Dean had been checking them out to see what the problem is, only finding that there's nothing wrong with them at all.

"I'm pretty sure the car isn't trying to kill you," Bobby mumbles out without looking up from his work. Dean throws him a light glare before rolling his eyes. he quickly checks on his phone to see how late it is, finding that it's already past noon. He finishes at four, and with the rate he's keeping at, it's clear that these three cars won't be finished by then.

"Better work into your papers that the breaks are working just fine," Dean says as he slams the hood shut again. It doesn't close completely with the massive bump it has received from kissing a tree, but it works off some of his anger.

"You don't know that unless you try it out for yourself," Bobby counters. Dean just sighs, wondering if Bobby's willing to believe every teenager that is entering his shop with a shitty excuse that explains why they crashed against something.

Dean just huffs out a breath. He needs something to drink, so he drops the wrench back down on the table before joining Bobby in his office. There's a small fridge in the left corner of the room, where there are some bottles of water and soda. There's no beer, since Bobby disapproves of drinking on the job.

Well, Bobby disapproves of drinking much everywhere, really. As far as Dean knows, he's had drinking problems in the past after his wife died, and had much effort keeping away from them. For ten years now, the man hasn't had any alcohol in his hands. Dean doesn't ever want that record to be broken.

Sure, Bobby still looks kind of miserable most of the time whenever he's thinking back of his wife, but somehow, he and Ellen seem to have found something together.

Ellen, who had previously been married with Bill Harvelle, has been a widower for a while now. As far as Dean knows, Jo had been about five when she lost her father. It's unclear how many years have passed since Bobby and Ellen started going out, but Dean is sure it couldn't have been easy for either of them.

The water does wonders on his dry throat. It's just a small bottle that he empties in one quick go before throwing it down in the trash. Then he sits down on the chair in front of Bobby's and swings his legs on the desk.

Bobby doesn't say anything, instead pushing his feet back off and continuing writing down some shit. Then he looks up at the young man in front of him and raises his eyebrows.

"You got something to ask?" Bobby asks him, not seeming in the mood for a chat. Dean contemplates for a moment, figuring if there _is_ something on his mind.

Sure, a lot of things have been on his mind. Mostly it has to do with skating, but he can't really explain that to Bobby now, can he? The guy doesn't understand anything about it. If Dean brings something up about it, he would just nod and say something like 'do whatever you want to do'. That's not really the advice Dean needs.

"Nope, I'm fine," Dean says in return. He then takes his phone as an indication that he's not in the mood for talking, anyway. When he sees he has a notification, he quickly opens up the app whatever it's from.

_Huh, Instagram? I had actually quite forgotten I still had that app,_ Dean thinks to himself when he sees the unfamiliar design open up again. Last year, Jimmy had made Dean sign up on the thing, but so far he only had one picture uploaded. And it's not like he has anybody other than Jimmy or Sam following him, so he doesn't really see the need to post anything else, either.

The notification, it seems, is from a new follower. _That's strange_ , Dean minds says to himself. Who would even want to follow him?

> **_Castiel_** _started following you_.

Ah, so Jimmy's brother? Dean wonders if he should follow him back. Is that the appropriate thing to do? It's not like he's a lot on it, anyway. Quickly, he taps on the man's name to check out if he's active on it, too.

As it turns out, Castiel has about more than two hundred thousand followers. Dean's eyes open wide in surprise from that sudden information. He'd never thought the guy would actually be so popular?

It's clear that he doesn't post pictures on a daily basis, but there's at least two updates per week. Mostly, is photographs of his competitions, pictures taken from him during his programs that he seems to like, but other than that there are also images from training, from when he's eating food, and there are a few pictures of him and a few friends. Dean even recognizes Hannah on one of them.

The latest update is clearly taken from a plane. Since it's the seventeenth of January, Dean figures he must be on his way to his first competition. Or maybe he's probably already arrived? Is there even Wi-Fi on the plane?

Dean doesn't hesitate anymore in following him back, but he wonders what use it has, since he's not that active on it anyway.

The moment he wants to close the app again, another notification pops up.

> **_Castiel_** _liked your photo_.

Now, the only picture Dean has on his profile is one of him jumping in the air with his skates. He didn't even have something written with it; it's just a simple picture, taken on a warm summer day. He's wearing nothing more than jeans and a shirt. The jump he had done had been a high one. It had been one of those days when Jimmy had suggested they'd go on the track outside. Dean had done some stunts, and Jimmy had been a sneaky little bitch with his phone.

"You're smiling," Bobby suddenly calls out, pulling Dean out his train of thoughts. "You texting with a girl I don't know about?"

Dean quickly pulls his phone back into his pocket, locking the screen in reflex. Then he clears his throat.

"No! There's nobody, just saw something funny is all," Dean almost squeaks out. Bobby only lifts an eyebrow, and Dean knows immediately he doesn't believe him.

"Don't bulshit me, Dean, you were looking like a love-struck teenager for ten minutes straight."

Dean just rolls his eyes and makes to stand up. Clearly, Bobby has no idea what he's talking about. He quickly grabs Bobby's mug and drinks up the last bit of coffee in it. It's not really warm anymore, but it's still welcome.

"I'm going back to work," he says. Bobby snorts, but doesn't say anything more.

 

* * *

 

 

"Mister Dean?"

Dean turns himself around to look at the eight year old girl, slowly making her way to him. Dean recognizes her as Judith, a tough kid who always wants to be the fastest of the group.

"Yes, Judith?" Dean asks while crouching down again until their eyes are on the same height.

"When is Jimmy coming back?" she asks, with her hands hidden behind her hands. Dean chuckles a bit and leans in to pat her on her head, only remembering that she's wearing a protective helmet, so instead he taps that.

"Why, are my classes so bad?" Dean asks, and Judith's face quickly straightens up, losing all color.

"No! They're not, they're amazing!" Judith calls out, a bit too enthusiastically. Dean snorts, almost feeling sorry for Jimmy.

"Well, Jimmy will return back to Pontiac tomorrow evening. Next week you'll have him back." Dean gives Judith a bright smile, trying not to feel sad about having to give up the classes. He does quite enjoy teaching the kids, finding much to his surprise that he's quite patient with them.

"I'll miss you, Dean," Judith then says, and she throws herself forward while wrapping her arms around him. Dean loses his balance, then, and falls down on his ass. He can't help the loud laugh escaping his lips when more kids start piling up on him. Before he knows it, he's buried underneath twenty kids who are all screaming and laughing while he pretends to die.

Eventually, they all pull away again, allowing Dean to get back to his feet. There's a small pain in his ribs from somebody's elbow, but he doesn't bring it up. The last thing he needs is for the kids to feel guilty about being enthusiastic.

"Now, who's up for a race?" Dean asks with a smirk. The kids start yelling happily again, getting themselves into starting positions before Dean even has to instruct them to do so. He gets himself on the sideline, watching how the kids figure out themselves how they're going to do this. Ten go now, ten go afterwards, and then the five first of each team will compete against each other in another team of ten. As they start their racing, the other kids start cheering each other on. Dean simply smirks, taking out his cellphone and starting his camera to film the whole thing.

Eventually, the class is over for them. While they go change back into their normal shoes, the teenagers already start preparing themselves for their lesson. Dean smirks as he thinks of what he's got prepared for them.

Now, the thing with this class is that they're good enough with the basic technique, and are mostly working on their speed now. Most of the time it's just skating rounds, until Jimmy takes up his stopwatch and starts measuring their time.

And the kids enjoy it, otherwise they wouldn't keep coming. But Dean figures they may be happy to try out something else. So while they are getting changed, Dean quickly sets together something that resembles like a parcour. He takes out the benches, the cones, fishes out a few chairs, and whatever else he finds. A few of the teens watch him curiously as he skates himself through the entire track with each time something else in his hands.

By time he's finished, the group is ready and standing in the middle of the track. A few of them are simply talking to each other, but others are eyeing the new parcour in wonder.

"Okay guys, so I know normally we work on your speed, and I'm sure Jimmy is going to kill me when he hears I did this instead, but I figures we could have some fun before he takes over his classes again, right?"

Enthusiastic shouts come out then, and two kids high-five each other in excitement. So Dean starts explaining each thing he has prepared. As it is, he gives everybody about ten minutes to each spot, where they have to try and get through it. After that, they all get to the next thing, until they've done a complete circle. Afterwards, they'll all have to try it in one go, and Dean will check who is the fastest.

Now, because this class is only one hour and a half, Dean doesn't have all that much time to explain things, which is why he's glad he secretly taught them jumps a little while ago.

He stays with the jumps when the teenagers begin; it's the part where they need assistance the most, since the rest of the course is actually easy enough.

They don't all have the talent with their jumping, but most of them still show promising results. Only two of them don't feel comfortable enough, in the end, to try it out without Dean's help. Dean tells them that it's okay, and that it will come in time.

After a lot of practice, they start the race. Dean has the stopwatch close to him, and he's still standing where the jumps are happening - just in case. The first five manage it fast enough. The second two do need his assistance during the jumps, and then the last four get to the ending as well. In the end, Krissy comes out as the winner, quickly followed by her friend Aiden.

"You should try out, too, Dean!" Krissy shouts out after being congratulated by everybody. The instructor opens his mouth in surprise, but he can't find anything to say in return. Why, he's not one to back away from a challenge now, is he?

So then he hands his phone to Krissy, opening the camera. To Aiden he hands the stopwatch.

"You, time, and you better don't shake during filming, okay?"

The two nod and then Dean is off to the starting point. After Aiden's shout of 'start' Dean storms into the parcour, getting over the chairs in just a matter of seconds without ever losing his balance. He slaloms around the cones with just one leg, the other one raised in the air, while keeping his hands up. After that, he needs to crouch down to get underneath the 'bridges' he has created. Skating like this isn't exactly the most comfortable, but it's bearable enough.

After that, it's more cones and one more jump before he gets to the finish, realizing that he's not really out of breath. Huh, that means he could have been faster, still.

"Under the minute, sir. Good job!" Aiden shouts out enthusiastically, and then, once again, he gets a whole group of kids jumping on him until he falls down on the ground. In the corner of his eyes, he can see Krissy still filming the entire thing with a wide smirk on her face.

"Ah, get off, you brats!" Dean shouts jokingly, pretending to fight away from them. The pile then slowly starts to get away again. The lessons are over, and some parents have already arrived to pick up their kid. Huh, that hour really passed quickly, but then again, teaching them to jump takes a lot of time.

"Thanks for the lessons, Dean. We all hope this wasn't the last time," one of the other teenagers says. It's Katie, a long blonde girl with short hair and a bright smile. Then she hands him something; a packet with a bow on top.

"What's this?" he asks in surprised, taking over the present from her with hesitation. He's aware of Krissy still using his phone as a camera, so he makes sure his back isn't pointed to it. Somehow, he wants to remember this moment.

As it turns out, it's a camera. A small thing he's able to attach to his helmet whenever he's skating. There's a stick that goes with it in case he wants to record himself performing a jump or whatever. He hears Katie explaining it all, but the words blur together as his heart makes a little jump.

"Jimmy told us it's your birthday tomorrow, so we all got some money together to get you this," Krissy explains before punching him in the arm. "You better not break it, doofus."

Dean smirks before pressing the box close against his chest.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he says happily, and then he opens up his arms, indicating a hug. They all jump in immediately, starting a tight group hug. A few of the parents let out a laugh then.

The hug doesn't last for too long, and before Dean really knows it, the teenagers are already back on their way to the benches to change back into their shoes. Krissy offers him his cellphone back, and the moment the device touches his hand, a call comes through.

_Castiel_.

Huh, would there be a problem? Dean tries to think of all the things that could be wrong, but to be honest, he doesn't really know anything of Cas' planning for this week. He doesn't even know when his first performance is.

Without much more hesitation, Dean picks up the phone. He probably won't know what is wrong unless he asks him himself.

"Yeah?" he asks, but then he pulls his phone aside again when he hears loud noise in the background. There are some voices, muffled, but Dean is certain he can recognize Castiel's voice in there. "Cas? Hello?"

_"Dean! Hi, sorry, my results just came in,"_ Castiel says, but his voice doesn't sound all that enthusiastic. Dean feels a slight chill pass over him. Surely, Cas would have done great, there's no way he messed up bad enough that he wouldn't be able to catch up again.

"Really, how are they?" he asks.

" _I got 93.63,"_ he answers, and Dean can't help but let out an impressed whistle. That's not really a low score at all!

"Jesus, Cas, and are you first place?"

" _For now, but there are nine more skaters behind me. I was the twelfth contestant."_

Dean nods in understanding, but then quickly realizes that Cas can't even see that. He waves shortly at the parents who are waiting for their kids, and then he skates further back into the hall. It's a slow pace, but he mostly wants to be secluded.

"And nine more? Jesus, tell me there was at least a break?" Dean jokes, and he hears Cas let out a short laugh before telling him that, yes, there was in fact a short break after the tenth contestant.

Dean is unknowingly skating in circles, finding that the light is dimmed back there. He watches the very last student making their way out of the hall, and after the door closes behind them, he's completely alone.

Oh, and it seems like he's the one stuck with cleaning all the mess up again. Great, he sould have asked the kids instead.

"But Cas, what's with the sad tone? Aren't you happy you're in first place right now?" Dean tries, finding himself somehow wondering what could bother Cas so much. Through the noise from the background - probably the crowd applauding for Cas' results - Dean can hear a soft sigh. When he hears clapping noises, he figures it must be the next contestant.

" _I don't know, the program didn't feel right somehow... I managed to do it without any mistakes, but my mind wasn't all that into it. Even Crowley noticed it!"_

Well, that's a new name. "Who's Crowley?"

" _Oh, he's my coach, son of the legendary ballet-dancer Rowena McLeod. He used to be the best skater of Scotland years ago, but eventually he got heart-trouble and now he's sticking to coaching, instead. He's an ass most of the time, but he's not a bad coach."_

Dean has absolutely no idea who this Rowena could possibly be, but he can easily figure the coach as an old guy, almost bald. Probably skinny, with lots of wrinkles around his eyes. Maybe even walking around with a cane? Or is Dean's imagination going too far, there?

"When's your next turn?" Dean asks when he can't really find anything to continue with regarding this Crowley. What else can he really say?

" _The day after tomorrow, but there's no place for us to practice so I'll probably be sightseeing, instead. Of course, I've probably seen everything here, already. I've arrived here the seventeenth, and we watched the ceremony, but after that, mostly the younger skaters and the pairs have had their turn. They kept us for last."_

Meaning that they had to wait there for almost a week until they got their turn. They could have spent that time practicing instead of wasting around in a city they've probably now seen entirely.

"And the hotel you're staying at, tell me you at least have a swimming pool?" Dean jokes, and once again Cas lets out a laugh.

" _Yes, I've been there yesterday with Hannah and Inias. It was relaxing_ ," he says from the other side of the line. He sounds a bit out of breath, as if he's started walking again. There are sudden voices in the back, quickly followed by a ' _Hold on_ ' coming from Cas. Only a few seconds later, he's back on the line.

"What was that?" Dean asks, finding himself smiling but not really knowing why.

" _Some of the younger skaters, they wanted a picture with me,"_ Cas answers, and somehow Dean finds that it warms his heart. His hand reaches for his chest without really thinking about it. The moment he realizes, he pulls it away again as quickly as he can.

"Wow, you're really kind of famous. I noticed on your Instagram. No idea so many people would know of you."

Cas huffs out a breath, not sounding all that impressed. " _Yeah, well, I think most of them just follow me because I'm 'that one gay skater'. Besides, I'm pretty sure a lot of spam-profiles are in there, too."_

"Just admit that you're a popular guy. I have now three followers in total, those three being you, your brother and _my_ brother. Pretty pathetic, right?"

" _You could upload pictures and videos of your skating. I'm pretty sure you'll gain followers that way."_

Dean then shakes his head and stops skating, snorting upon hearing Castiel's answer. "Dude, are we seriously talking about how I could get more followers on a stupid platform?"

" _Hey, I kind of like that platform, so be careful with what you're saying next, or I will ask Jimmy for an embarrassing picture of you, and post it on my profile with a tag leading to you."_

Dean simply rolls his eyes and then takes a look at his watch. It's almost ten now. Normally he would be practicing on his own at the moment, but he finds that, after teaching the kids for the entire evening, he doesn't have that much energy for it. He quickly skates back to the bench, and then he sits down while he clumsily starts to remove his skates with only one hand.

"You can't find embarrassing pictures of me, since those don't exist," Dean counters jokingly. This sudden banter between them two reminds him of Jimmy. Their friendship started off pretty much the same, though they didn't really blackmailed each other through _Instagram_ of all things.

" _Yeah sure, Dr. Handsome, you're just so bright that every camera is automatically enchanted by your powers."_

Dean once again laughs before managing to get his last skate off. He waits to put them back into his bag since that’s practically impossible to do with just one hand.

“Well, when’s your next turn?” he asks instead. Maybe he should get up, and start cleaning up his mess. The cones and chairs can’t be that difficult to do with just one hand.

“ _Sunday, we start at two pm. But I’m the eighteenth on the list so it’ll probably be around four when it’s my turn.”_ Dean pinches his forehead while he tries to think of his planning, but he quickly remembers that he’s gotten two days off. It’s a _birthday present_ , according to Ellen and Bobby. So far, Dean doesn’t have anything planned other than calling up his brother, and he doesn’t really know what he can do to fill the time.

“And you don’t have any plans for tomorrow?” he finds himself asking without thinking of it. He doesn’t know where his mind is trying to bring him, and maybe following it blindly like that isn’t that good of an idea.

“ _No, why? You want to do something? It’s only a three hour flight,”_ Cas offers, obviously trying to make light of it.

“No way am I getting onto one of those death traps, I’ll drive there,” he returns.

“ _Dean, that’s an eleven hour drive, even if you leave now, by the time you’ll get here you’ll be about ready to get back to sleep.”_

Right, Dean hadn’t thought of it this way.

“ _Really, a plane is not_ that _bad. And it’s only three hours.”_

Dean shakes his head before pressing the phone between his ear and shoulder. He grabs a hold of the first bench, and starts pulling it back to the side where he got it from. After that, he starts with the second.

“Cas, believe me, if there would ever be someone I would get onto a plane for, I would probably marry that person. And believe me when I say I don’t intend on getting married, in the very near future.”

“ _That’s sad, the swimming pool is really nice,”_ Cas continues to joke.

“I’m sure it is,” Dean answers, and after that the conversation falls quiet. The background noise from Castiel’s line has now turned into smooth music, and the screaming has completely stopped. Sometimes he hears someone saying something to the skater, but eventually, it seems like Cas has gotten himself in a quiet room.

“ _I should be going. It was good talking to you, Dean,”_ Castiel concludes after what must be a few minutes of silence. Dean finds himself nodding again while he takes the last bench into his hands, and starts pulling it right next to the previous one.

“Yeah, it was. I’ll watch your performance Sunday.”

“ _Good, it’s always nice to know who’s watching,”_ Cas says, sounding a bit strange there. Right when Dean wants to ask what he means with that, the other skater calls out another goodbye before hanging up, leaving Dean standing there with a phone against his ear and his mouth fallen open.

“That guy’s weird,” Dean then simply concludes with a shrug. He puts his phone away again before continuing on cleaning up. It takes about ten minutes before he’s completely satisfied and gets to pack up his skates again. It’s not as late as usual when he leaves, but he somehow finds that he’s lost quite a lot of energy. Maybe that’s why Jimmy usually leaves right after the lessons. Those kids suck it all out of you, really.

Before he gets out, he quickly checks on the videos Krissy took earlier. The parcour looks easy, but still kind of amazing, and Dean thinks back of what Cas said about posting pictures and videos. Sure, now he’s got one badass camera to get better quality for it, but it seems like he should start somewhere, right?

The video can only be about fifteen seconds, he quickly notices, so he skips the easy parts and goes for the jumps. While the kids had done a standard jump over the object in their way, Dean, of course, thought that would be too easy, so instead he did a flip. It’s pretty much the same jump like the one he wanted to do on the ice, so he’s glad to see that at least on his roller skates he’s still able to do it.

The video takes a while to post, he finds. While he waits, he puts on his coat and tightens the laces on his shoes, and by the time he’s finished the video is up.

_Made an obstacle course for the kids, and they dared me to try it out myself_. _I might have showed off a bit, though_.

Yes, surely that would be okay. Dean pockets the phone again, and then starts closing up the place. There are a few more people inside who make their way out as well. They wave at Dean before leaving, and Dean simply waves back at him. After making sure that every light is turned off and every door is locked, he makes his way back to his car.

The drive home is short and uneventful. Once he’s home, he puts his new camera on his desk, with the intention of checking it out tomorrow. By the time he’s showered, Dean drops himself onto the couch and starts zapping through the channels, right before stopping on the sport’s channel.

“ _-Novak is on first place so far with a score of 93.63. It is not the highest score he’s gotten so far, but it’s still a good one.”_

After that, they show some images of Cas. Dean notes that his uniform looks quite a lot like the thing he wore on the bachelor-party, only now he’s in a golden legging instead of a black suit pants. He’s wearing a white loose shirt and a sleeveless jacket on top of it. His hair is slicked back in that neat way of his, and he looks like he just shaved, since Dean often saw him with the fresh beginnings of a beard before now.

Cas moves the way Dean remembers; gracefully and elegant. But the few times they get a close-up of his face, Dean does notice what seems like a frown on his face. He doesn’t look happy, nor at peace. It’s mostly as if he’s fighting his way through it.

_“Yeah, his technical presentation was completely on point without any mistakes, but it looks somehow like he’s worried about something. We can only wait and see Sunday for his Free Skating program.”_

The commentator keeps on talking, but Dean just takes out his cellphone and starts composing a text.

‘ _Hey man, you should smile more. How else are you planning on winning those judges over?’_

He sends it without thinking much of it. Two minutes later, he gets a reply.

‘ ** _I was forming up a plan to seduce them with my free skating, Sunday, obviously,’_ ** Cas answers, and Dean lets out a laugh. He shakes his head before tapping his messages away, seeing that there’s a new notification from Instagram.

If his heart flutters a bit at the sight of it, nobody really needs to know about that.

He opens up the program, immediately seeing a picture of Cas the moment it fills up his screen. But, sure, there’s not many things that could show up since neither Sam nor Jimmy post regular updates. When he takes a look at the post, he can see a picture of Cas, clearly taken by somebody else. He’s standing on the sidelines from the rink, surrounded by people but with a phone pressed at his ear.

For a few seconds, Dean wonders who he’s been calling with, until it hits him. This is a picture, taken by somebody, while they were talking together.

> **castiel** _My sneaky coach caught me calling up my friend after my competition. Don’t worry Crowley, I’ll tell **@d_winchester** you said hi #USFSC2015 #FigureSkating_

Dean doesn’t know what to think of this. There’s an obvious smile on his face, despite the distance of the picture, but he seems to be curled into himself. His left arm is pressed tightly against his chest, and he’s hunching forward a bit, mostly as if he’s trying to shield himself away from the crowd.

He does notice there are quite some likes on the pictures, and even a few comments. Who knew that Cas would actually be kind of famous in the skating world? While letting out a breath, Dean starts typing up a comment.

> **d_winchester** _Cas, I’m shocked. That was supposed to be a private moment. Besides, I didn’t get the hi!_

He quickly sends it before going onto his own notification. It’s a simple like on his video, unsurprisingly from Castiel. Dean shakes his head and puts his phone aside again. He watches the ending of the competition, which is mostly an interview with the skaters that just performed, and eventually he figures it’s time to get to bed.

Before going to sleep, he checks his phone one last time.

> **castiel** _Don’t worry, **@d_winchester** , they’ll never know what we talked about. It’s our little secret._
> 
> **jimmyno** _What are you guys dating now? Is that the secret?_

Dean smirks again.

> **d_winchester** _buzz off **@jimmyno**_
> 
> **jimmyno** _Never **@d_winchester,** I need to know if you’re going to be my brother-in-law so I can mentally prepare for it._

He doesn’t answer after that, but he does notice that he’s gained a few followers after that little conversation. He doesn’t know any of these people, but there’s nothing on his profile that he doesn’t want the world to see, anyway.

After a long yawn, Dean turns off his phone, and then he goes to sleep.


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that Pontiac doesn't have a skating rink, so I'm just using a fictional one! I've never been to Pontiac and I don't know too much about it other than what I find online.  
> I also edited chapter four, where Cas said that he didn't feel in love with Balthazar when they were together. I think my mind did something wrong there when I wrote it. Anyway, Cas explains a bit about that old relationship this chapter, so beware

“So how are you planning on spending your second free day?”

Dean hums out with his cup of coffee pressed against his lips. He raises an eyebrow at his little brother, who is currently sitting in front of him. It’s morning, the twenty-fifth, a day after his birthday, and in a few hours, Sam will be back on a plane to return to Stanford.

“Honestly, I have no plans. Maybe I will just go skating for a bit,” Dean says while shrugging. Sam gives him a long look before eventually nodding. He sits down at the table, taking a seat in front of Dean. His hair is curly and messy, and honestly, it’s making him look like a damn teenager. But, on the other hand, that hairstyle is just so completely _Sam_ that Dean can’t imagine any other way his brother would wear his hair.

“Jessica’s still sleeping?” Dean asks. He gently starts to massage his stiff neck; a night on the couch isn’t really the most comfortable way of spending the night, but since he doesn’t have a spare bedroom he had to give up his bed to his little brother and his girlfriend. And not that Dean minds, really. There’s not much he wouldn’t do for Sammy.

“She’s in the shower, she’ll be here any minute,” Sam says while filling his own cup with coffee. Dean then nods and quickly checks on his phone again.

He knows Sam has noticed his sudden fixation on his mobile. The guy even dared to ask if Dean had a secret lover they didn’t know about, but Dean eventually laid that rumor to rest by admitting that he’s just messing around on Instagram.

Yes, Sam had laughed for an hour straight.

And yes, afterwards, the little shit started following Castiel as well, just for the fun of it.

“So, skating, huh?” Sam suddenly starts after a few seconds of silence. Dean looks up from his phone, seeing his little brother taking a bit from his sandwich and appearing as if he doesn’t have any single care in the world.

“What of it?” Dean asks bitterly. Then Sam just shrugs.

“Planned any competitions in the near future?” he asks. Dean hearts skips a beat upon hearing that word, and instantly he wishes he could just smash his brother’s face against the table. Not hard, but just enough to make him understand that he needs to mind his own business.

“What do you think?” Dean returns in a way of answering. He drops down the coffee and his cellphone, and then crosses his arms. He can see Sam’s eyes quickly catching his screen before looking away again.

“I don’t know, I thought your new pal might inspire you or something? You might not know it, but I’ve seen the way you skate when we were little. You practiced whenever you thought nobody was watching, and you were really good at it. It’s sad that you gave it up.”

“I didn’t give up jack shit,” Dean mutters back. Great, the previous day had been so great, and now his little brother has to come and fuck it up again. Really, this kind of pep-talk is the _last_ thing he needs.

“You don’t need to keep it from me, Dean,” Sam says, sounding a bit hurt. “Listen, I did some research, and believe it or not, but last year the WIFSA started their first championships. There weren’t many contestants, but it’s promising to become something big, still.”

At this, Sam starts pulling papers out of his pocket, and he drops it right in front of Dean. The other man doesn’t look at them, instead glaring at his little brother who is trying to meddle in businesses that aren’t his own.

“It might be a bit too late to join in now, since you’ll need to be part of a club and we’ll have to find you a coach, but I’m pretty sure that you can participate next year, if you really want to,” Sam continues as if nothing’s wrong. Dean just rolls his eyes and then gets up from his seat.

“Not interested,” he mutters out. He drops his cup of coffee in the sink and then grabs his phone from where it’s lying on the table. The papers, he leaves there.

“Dean, come on, I saw back then how much you loved it. Why did you ever stop?” Sam urges on, and it’s really taking a lot of Dean to keep himself from snapping back at his brother. He takes a deep breath, and balls his hands into fists for a few seconds before releasing them again.

“It just wasn’t for me. I’m not a competitive guy, okay?”

He wishes Sam would just leave it at that, but of course, that would be very optimistic of him.

“No, I don’t believe that! You did many contests before that last one, so it can’t be _that_!”

“Sam! Shut up about it!” Dean shouts back at him, and he immediately sees his brother take a step back, lowering his shoulders and offering him those sad puppy-eyes again. Dean just rolls his eyes and walks out of the room.

He really needs people to stay off his back about this. It’s _exactly_ the reason why nobody here knows anything about what it is he can actually do. Sure, he shows them the basics, and he’s often forced into those stupid-ass competitions that will mostly just win him a useless fake-golden medal and some cash. If they knew his true potential, surely they would never leave him alone again.

When he returns to Sam, the subject seems to have dropped, which is fine by him. Dean puts the papers away to the side, helps his brother pack his things, and around noon he drives Sam and Jessica back to the airport where they’ll catch their flight.

Sam and Dean share a long hug, and even Jessica feels the need to offer Dean an embrace, and after that, they’re gone again. Dean waves them off until he can’t see them anymore, and then he starts walking back towards the exit, with his phone in hand.

 _Just drove Sam and Jessica to the airport. I’ll be there in twenty,_ Dean quickly types into a message, sending it to Jimmy without really thinking much about it. Since he isn’t looking where he’s walking, Dean accidentally runs into an old couple, who then in turn drop all their bags. While continuingly apologizing to them, Dean helps them pick up their bags, and he sees them off again. They’re not angry, at least, but it looks like they also didn’t understand a word he was saying.

When his phone buzzes again, this time he makes sure that he’s standing still before looking at it.

**_What do you mean? Are you in Georgia? Tell me you didn’t actually make the drive…_ **

Okay, that’s a weird answer for Jimmy. Dean looks up at the sender of the message, finding that it’s not from him at all, but from Castiel. Which means, that he sent the thing to him instead of his brother. Ah, well, it’s not like he told him something embarrassing.

 _Sorry, that was for your brother. I accidentally ran over an elderly couple and sent it to you instead of him_.

By the time he’s out of the airport and back into his car, Cas has answered again.

**_Ah, and I almost felt like I was special. How was your birthday?_ **

Dean smiles at that. He’s sitting in his car, seeing his breath disappear from his mouth but making no movement in actually starting the thing up.

_It was good, I had fun. How are you holding up?_

After that, Dean finally turns on the engine. He drops the phone on the passenger seat and quickly warms his hands before beginning to drive. There are a lot of cars at the airport, and it takes a while before he’s out of the parking lot, but eventually he’s back on the road.

He can hear his cellphone ringing in indication of a new message, but he doesn’t look as long as he’s driving. He might be a lot of things, but an irresponsible driver isn’t one of them.

Jimmy is a sight he hasn’t seen since the honeymoon. He arrived late in the afternoon yesterday, and he’s been sleeping of his jetlag ever since. The moment they see each other again, the two wrap their arms around each other in what must be the third hug Dean is getting today.

“So, how was France?” Dean asks, noticing a tan on his friend’s face despite the winter, though the figure of sunglasses that remained pale is indication enough of going skiing. It’s a funny sight, really. Jimmy’s nose is red, too, probably burned from the sun in the mountains.

“It was good, though after a month it gets a bit old, really,” Jimmy simply shrugs, and then he punches Dean in the arm. “What’s going on between you and my brother? Since when are you friends?”

Dean chuckles and unconsciously reaches for his phone, which he put in his pocket the moment he got out of the car.

“Ah well, I missed you so much I just needed a Novak to fill the void,” Dean jokes, sounding so overdramatic that even Jimmy starts to laugh.

“Yeah, well, he does seem to like you. Better not hurt him, Dean-o, because you might be my friend, but he’s still my baby brother.”

“He’s five minutes older than you,” Dean deadpans.

“Shut up,” Jimmy counters. Then he nods towards the living room, inviting Dean inside. Dean takes a seat on the couch, and when Jimmy asks him what he wants to drink he just goes for a beer. After that, he takes the remote control in his hands, and starts going through the channels.

“Dude, which post is it?” Dean asks.

“I think it’s on the sports channel!” Jimmy answers, and Dean then rolls his eyes. Sure, he could have made out that it would be there, but there are many sports channels, really. Instead of asking a second time, Dean just zaps through most of them until he sees an ice rink getting into view.

“Found it!” he shouts, exactly at the moment that Jimmy gets back inside with two beers and a bag of chips in his hands. Dean gladly takes over the can from his friend, and he opens it immediately. Jimmy puts the bags on the table, and then opens his own can.

“Dude you didn’t even unpack?” Dean says the moment he notices the giant suitcase lying there against the wall. Jimmy snorts and holds up his arm.

“I slept the entire day, of course I didn’t unpack. We’ll do it after the competition,” Jimmy returns. Then the two stay quiet, and start watching on the screen where they can see a gigantic arena, filled with what must be over ten thousands of people. Dean can’t help but whistle in astonishment.

“That’s a lot of people,” Dean mutters out, wondering if he can catch Cas walking around downstairs next to the rink.

“Yeah, it has a seating capacity of 23.500 people,” Jimmy offers. As it turns out, he’s done his research about it.

“That’s a lot of people,” Dean repeats. There are a few skaters on the ice, getting warmed up. Dean has no idea what Cas would be wearing this time, so he wouldn’t know where to begin looking. He takes a deep breath while listening to the commentators talk on and on about the next few contestants.

“ _\- And so far, on first place, we have Castiel Novak, 25 years old, from Pontiac, Illinois. He’s gotten himself five gold medals in a row at the World’s Championship so far, but actually didn’t participate last year because he joined into the Olympics, where he ended up ninth. He had stated that he was a bit disappointed about that placement, but that he understood it wasn’t his best performance so far.”_

And then the next commentator joins in.

“ _Yes, as he stated two days ago, he’s going to keep on working into getting himself in the Olympics. His results for his short program was 93.63, which put him in first place, but now the question is whether his free skating program will keep him there.”_

As the men talk, Dean finally gets a view of Cas skating around on the ice. He’s wearing black leggings again, and a white shirt on top of it. On the back of it, two wings are drawn as a pattern, with pitch-black feathers that have just a little golden tint here and there. His shirt has a v-neck, and looks really tight against his body.

Dean finds himself clearing his throat and looking away for a moment. Nothing special, really, just a little itch, he tells himself as he takes a few gulps of his beer.

“ _Novak is the eighteenth on the list for today’s skaters, so he’ll have enough time to prepare himself. His performance yesterday was good, but looked a bit stiff for his doing. Let’s wonder if there are any changes this time.”_

Now the skaters are getting off the ice, but the camera is still following Cas as he skates to the side. Dean can see him approaching a guy in a black suit. He’s got brown hair and a beard on his chin, looking quite a bit older than Cas does. Dean can see him handing something to Cas while shaking his head, and that’s when he notices the disappointed look on the skater’s face.

Huh, what must that have been about?

When Dean catches the cellphone that is now resting in Castiel’s hand, his eyes widen again in sudden realization that he hasn’t answered him since his last text. Dean drops the beer back onto the table, and then reaches for his own phone inside his pocket, where he can indeed see that there’s a new message from Cas.

Instead of answering, Dean just presses the call-button, ignoring Jimmy’s confused expression. He holds the phone against his ear and keeps his eyes locked on the screen, watching how Cas puts on the protectors of his blades before being interrupted by his phone.

The smile on the skater’s face is subtle, but Dean still catches it.

“ _Dean, I was wondering if you crashed your car,”_ Cas says. The video seems to have a second’s delay.

“Nah, man, I’m at Jimmy’s now. We’re watching you on the screen,” Dean says, then motioning for Jimmy to lean over as well. Then he puts the phone on speaker, and Jimmy joins in.

“Hi little brother, what’s with you hanging out with my best friend? Do I need to worry about you two eloping behind my back?”

Dean punches him in the arm again and scowls at him. Jimmy just laughs.

“ _You’re an ass, Jimmy,”_ Cas laughs, and so does his image on the screen.

“ _Novak is currently having a phone call so it seems. Is it me, or does he suddenly look less worried?”_

_“No, you’re right, he does. I wonder who he must be talking to.”_

“Cas, these commentators are wondering if you have a secret lover,” Dean jokes, and once again the man laughs. “Look to your right.”

And Cas does, looking straight into the camera. Dean can’t help the smile on his face.

“That’s right,” Dean says, and then Cas waves. The commentators start talking some more, but Dean doesn’t listen to it. On the other side of the line, Dean can hear the crowd – those damn 23.500 people – react to his sudden wave. He _really_ wouldn’t have thought Cas would be _this_ popular.

“ _Well, I’m going off-screen now. I’m not in the first half, so I don’t have to be here,”_ Cas explains. Dean sees him standing up again, nodding towards his coach. Then the two get out of the screen, disappearing through a door.

“Right, Jimmy and I are just going to watch the others in the meantime. You better not make us wait all that time for a crappy performance, okay?”

Cas chuckles again, and after that he says his goodbye before hanging up. Dean just smirks before putting his phone aside again. When he notices Jimmy’s confused look, he frowns. The guy’s actually staring at him?

“What’s wrong?” he asks, and then Jimmy seems to pull himself away from whatever train of thought he was having. He shakes his head and clears his throat.

“No, nothing, I just hope Cassie’s gonna do well.” Jimmy says, but his tone sounds a bit weird. Dean just snorts in return; he’s got an annoying talk with Sam already today, he doesn’t feel like having another one with Jimmy. So instead of pointing it out, he just huffs out a breath.

“Thanks, by the way. For the present you got along with the kids. It was really nice,” Dean says, remembering the warm feeling he had when they pressed the package in his hands. Jimmy then just waves it off.

“Eh, you’re my friend, I wasn’t gonna ignore your birthday even if I wouldn’t be there,” Jimmy says in a shrug. “Besides, with you suddenly being more active on Instagram, it could be a perfect opportunity to share some of your moves?”

Dean rolls his eyes, wondering what it is with these Novaks and their fixation on Instagram.

Throughout the first half of the competition, Dean and Jimmy mostly discuss the things the other man did during his holiday. Dean, in turn, brings him up to date about the lessons he’s been giving the kids. They catch a bit from the competition, but mostly they’re just waiting for the second half to start.

The entire time, messages have been going back and forth between Dean and Cas. It seems like the skater is actually nervous if his texts are anything to go by. Mostly, they’re just sending jokes. Dean discusses the current contestant, while Cas is expressing his worry for his free skating program. After what feels like hours, at last it’s his turn. Jimmy, who went to the kitchen for a moment to get some hot snacks, starts hurrying back to his place when Dean calls out for him.

And then it begins. The camera is once more pointed towards Cas, who is still focusing on his phone. Crowley, next to him, seems to be scowling, holding out his hand until Cas puts his phone in it. Then the man gets on the ice, and applause follows him. Dean feels his phone vibrate next to him, and he subtly tries to check it out.

**_Wish me luck._ **

Dean then shakes his head and he types something in return without being too obvious about it. He’s gotten enough weird looks from Jimmy as it is.

Without much hesitation, he sends his message.

_Always._

* * *

 

Much to nobody’s surprise, Cas ended up in first place, scoring 181.62 in his free skate, and with a total score of 274.98. He made no mistake at all, brought out his best presentation so far according to the commentators, and in the end got awarded the golden medal and was interviewed by so many reporters that Dean couldn’t even count the microphones pushed in his face.

Afterwards, Cas had posted a picture of himself with his medal, thanking everybody who cheered for him. Dean of course liked the picture.

The day after that moves forward again. Dean gets back to work, Jimmy takes over his classes again, and Cas probably returns to Pontiac with his coach. The two haven’t texted each other again since the competition, but to be honest, it’s not like Dean has really thought about it much. He’s mostly spending his time underneath a car, repairing whatever the hell is wrong with it, before moving back to the roadhouse to get back to his evening job.

Today, the 27th of January, Dean finds himself working his ass off when another celebration seems to have started there. Once again, it’s those skating-friends of Cas, having a party for his victory at the competition. Dean recognizes Hannah, and the other few faces look familiar as well but he couldn’t put a name on them if he wanted to.

The orders go back and forth, and even Jo looks exhausted after only an hour. Who knew the figure skating club would be this active in their celebrations?

When Dean is in the back to fill the supplies, he hear applause coming from the room. He rolls his eyes, wondering how drunk they could really be in such a short time. He lifts up the crate he was looking for, and starts hauling it back to the bar where he then goes to put them in the fridge. His back is facing the bar, so when somebody calls out his name from behind him, Dean actually jumps up in surprise, smashing his head against the door of the fridge.

“Oh my God! Dean, I’m sorry!” he hears Cas’ familiar voice call out, and then there are some footsteps right before two hands help him get up again. Dean squeezes his eyes shut, aggressively rubbing over the sore spot while he’s being put back on his feet. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dean lies, trying to ignore the pulsing inside his skull. That was quite a hard blow. When he opens his eyes, he throws Castiel a long look. “You’re behind the bar? Planning on working here, as well?”

Cas looks down for a moment before he seems to understand. A surprised gasp escapes his mouth, and then he slowly walks away again. After that, he takes a seat on one of the stools, not minding the group of skaters that came here especially to celebrate him.

“Dude, come on, there’s a party for you,” Dean mutters, seeing Castiel shrug in return. Dean then goes to another fridge, and pulls out a coke. No way is he going to offer Cas another alcoholic drink. He doesn’t need the company of an asshole, tonight.

“There’s a party for me every time I win. It gets pretty old sometimes,” Cas says in a shrug. “Besides, Balthazar is there, and he’s throwing me his angry look.”

Dean observes the group, finding that there is indeed one individual – a tanned blonde man – giving Castiel the stinky eye. He scowls even more so when Dean leans forward a bit.

“My, I would say he’s jealous. He doesn’t like you talking to other men?” Dean jokes, receiving a loud sigh in return. Cas then takes over the bottle from Dean, unintentionally touching his fingers in the progress. Neither say anything of it, though.

“I think he still has the hope that I’ll go back to him, despite the fact that he dumped _me_ ,” Cas complains. Then he puts down the bottle and starts stretching on his seat. Dean wonders if he’s doing it on purpose to rile Balthazar up even more. The guy looks like a douche, already, but now he seems completely like he’s ready to murder Dean with his eyes.

“How come he dumped you?” Dean finds himself asking. It’s an honest question, though.

“I didn’t want sex with him,” Cas explains as if it wasn’t that big of a deal. Then he sighs again and moves his head around to stretch his neck. “I don’t feel sexual attraction, at least not easily. And I told him that when we started it, but when after a year I still didn’t feel anything, he got tired of waiting.”

Huh, Dean hasn’t heard much about these sorts of things, but he’s aware of asexuality, having heard about it from Sam a little while ago. According to him, there aren’t many people like this, but they are around.

“So, how does that work, you don’t like sex in general?”

Castiel shakes his head before drinking some more coke. Right before he can answer, a few girls come and ask for some orders. Dean prepares them their drink, and receives a wink from them when they offer him the money. After that, he rejoins Cas again.

“To answer your question, _no,_ it’s not that I don’t _like_ sex. I find it quite pleasurable sometimes, and it’s not that I’m _never_ in the mood. But I just wasn’t sexually _attracted_ to him, and he got tired of that, I suppose.”

Dean nods in understanding, wondering when he ever became mature enough to have a discussion about this without laughing like a teenager about it. It seems to be a big deal for Cas, though, and he really wants to understand the way his friend works.

“So, did you love him?” he then asks. Sure, he’s heard that it’s possible to be in a relationship without sex. At least, that’s what Sam told him about it, but it’s probably better to hear it from an actual reliable source now, right?

“I did,” Cas sighs. “And it hurt me when he ended the relationship. But it was his choice and I’m not one to come crawling back when I know that, in a few years, this will still bother him so much and I’ll end up getting dumped again.”

Huh, that’s actually pretty strong of him, Dean notes. He doesn’t say it out loud, though. Cas doesn’t need to know that at all. Instead, he picks up a glass of his own, fills it with water, and then holds it up in a toast.

“To being single,” Dean says, trying to be light about it. He knows he did the right thing when Cas offers him a light smile in return, and then raises his bottle as well. After that, they both take another drink. Dean startles when Jo suddenly slaps him on his ass, almost spitting out his water in Cas’ face but instead choking on it. He feels his face heat up as he coughs out everything that got into his airway. His throat starts hurting, and breathing gets hard, though still manageable.

“That’s what you get for drinking on the job,” Jo jokes at him, but she does slap him on the back a few times until his coughing stops. He catches Cas’ amused look, and he almost wants to throw an angry remark at him before thinking better of it. If they would have switched places, he probably would have done the same.

As the evening progresses, Cas does eventually join his friends at their party. Dean, in turn, stays behind the bar and prepares cocktails and shots for whoever comes to ask for them. During his few free moments, he mostly spends it on his phone.

So yeah, he might have been using Instagram a lot more than usual. There’s surely no crime in it, right? So far, since the video of his jump, Dean has only added a picture of him and Jimmy watching Cas’ performance – with the skater tagged in it, of course – and a part of the video Krissy took when Dean got his group hug. The few people that have started following Dean after Cas’ picture that one day all seem to like it, despite not knowing Dean one single bit

Right now, Dean raises his phone, pointing his camera towards the celebrating group. It’s dark, but still clear enough to see that there’s some sort of party going on. When a few people have their arms hanging over Cas’ shoulders, Dean takes a quick snapshot of it. After that, he edits the picture a little bit before posting it.

 

> **_d_winchester_ ** _Pontiac’s Figure Skating Club is celebrating **@castiel** ’s victory at the US Championships. It’s quite a party._

He doesn’t really realize how long he’s staring at the group until he catches Balthazar’s angry expression. The moment he sees it, he stands up again, putting his phone aside, and getting back to work.

 It’s around one when Ellen starts to send everybody home. The customers have been leaving slowly but surely after midnight, until just the loudest of them all remain. It’s clear that, once again, Cas ended up drunk. Dean sighs, and then smirks.

 _Guess it wouldn’t be good to break tradition now, would it?_ And so, Dean hangs up his apron, dries off his hands, and walks towards the group that is currently telling each other their goodbyes. Cas is receiving hugs from a lot of people, who seem equally drunk. When he gets to Balthazar, though, he seems to hesitate.

And that’s when the bastard smooches him right on the mouth.

Now it’s clear by the look on Cas’ face that he doesn’t seem happy about it. His face is scrunched up, and he tries to pull away but fails when Balthazar’s hand rests behind Cas’ head and holds him in place. The people around them gasp in surprise upon the sudden action.

But it’s the sound Cas makes that tips Dean over. It sounds angry, but also scared; as if he’s afraid he won’t be able to get him off him. In just a short few seconds, he grabs a hold of Balthazar, and pushes him to the side. Cas gasps for breath once he’s loose. Balthazar just seems surprised.

“What’s your problem, asshole?” Dean asks him angrily. Balthazar then raises his head, trying to appear taller than him.

“I don’t really think that’s your concern, _barman_ ,” Balthazar answers. Dean rolls his eyes and turns towards Cas, who is now literally standing behind Dean.

“You okay, man?” he asks him, and Cas nods. He somehow looks less drunk now, but that’s probably just the shock. Dean can hear Balthazar talking to him, throwing insults at his head, but Dean doesn’t listen to it. Instead, he throws one arm over Cas’ shoulder, nods towards the other two friends, and starts making his way out of the Roadhouse. Before getting through the door, he gives Ellen and Jo a short wave.

Cas doesn’t speak when Dean walks him to his car, but he doesn’t look happy at all. Dean can understand why; the guy had a hard time when he got dumped, and now that he was finally seeming to get over it, Balthazar just throws himself on him again. Dean wonders if he should say anything to him, but he can’t for the life of him figure out what.

Instead, he starts up the heater, making sure that Cas is warm enough, and then he drives them home.


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: homophobic behavior and violence towards the ending. Beware.

Dean's mind is elsewhere.

As he skates in circles around the track, with his hands tucked behind his back, he can't get himself to focus on the things in front of him. His concentration is extremely low, and even skating doesn't seem to clear his mind.

It's the second week of February, the eighth. The snow is starting to disappear again, and the weather is slowly but surely starting to get warmer again. Dean's had an early shift at the garage, and went straight here when he was finished at two. Just like any regular Sunday, there are only few other free skaters that have come in to practice. Dean doesn't know any of them, despite going here for three years already.

Jimmy isn't here, either, instead spending time with his wife, who also has free during the weekends. Jimmy told Dean that they're going to a restaurant this evening, so Dean can pretty much kiss the idea of hanging out goodbye.

A few younger skaters catch up to him in their attempt to be fast, but to be truthful, Dean isn't really trying to get a good tempo. He doesn't have any idea why he's still here, still.

If only nobody was there, then at least he could practice again.

After ten more minutes of just going forward without much reason, Dean grabs his cellphone again. It's about four now, and as far as he knows Cas' plane to Korea left an hour ago. It's been a while since they've hung out - actually, they haven't even seen each other since Dean drove him home after that Balthazar-fiasco. He never really brought it up again afterwards, figuring that Cas would talk about it if he needed to.

With another sigh leaving his mouth, Dean quickly opens up his messenger-app, since there's no way for Cas to text on a plane. He can see that Cas is online, so he starts up a new message.

_Dude, bored as hell._

Cas sees the message immediately, and just in a matter of second, the icon shows up that says that he's typing something in return.

**_Then you should go skate?_ **

Dean snorts, not surprised at the typical Cas-answer he gets here.

 _That's what I'm doing_...

A few more seconds. The two young boys pass him by again. He ignores them.

**_You shouldn't text and skate. Accidents might happen._ **

Dean rolls his eyes then, but complies and gets off the track. There he sits down on the bench, starting to get his skates off. It's not like he's going to get anything done today, anyway.

 _Fine, you win. I'm taking off my skates_.

Dean then puts the phone aside for a moment to get the skates back into his bag. After that, he puts on his boots, tying the laces tightly. He doesn't really feel like heading back home, either, so with his bag thrown over his shoulder, Dean moves to the cafeteria.

True, there aren't many people in here that he knows, but getting a drink and try to meet new people couldn't be that bad, right? Maybe he even gets to meet a nice girl.

But luck isn't on his side. The cafeteria is empty other than the barman, and Dean doesn't feel _that_ desperate to start a conversation with him. He knows what kind of people start talking with the barman; he is one, for crying out loud. There's no knowing how many stories he's already had to hear from desperate clients that just needed someone to listen.

His phone vibrates again.

**_Good. How are you?_ **

_Bored, which is what I said in the beginning, didn't I?_

**_Well, don't need to be all pissy about it, you're majesty._ **

Dean sighs again. Maybe he should just go home and watch a movie or something. He can always call up Sam, it's been a while since they've actually spoken outside of texting. Meeting up with Jimmy is out of the question, so there aren't really that many options left now, right?

_Entertain me, otherwise I'll die of boredom._

Dean gets into his car at last, throwing his coat in the back as he drives himself out of the parking lot.

**_I'm pretty sure you have more entertainment there than I have. I'm stuck in a plane, sitting next to an old lady who won't stop talking to me no matter how much I've told her I don't understand anything she's saying._ **

_You poor thing. I guess I'll watch some shows. If the Roadhouse wasn't closed I would have just begged them for an extra shift._

He feels like he's complaining a lot to the guy. Maybe he should just stop with the crap? Surely, Cas has more important things to think about.

**_What are you going to watch?_ **

_Ah, you know, Doctor stuff, hospitals, I kind of like that genre._

**_Don't tell me you're into Dr. Sexy, because I really wouldn't see that one coming._ **

_Shut up._

Once he’s at home, seated on his couch, Dean doesn’t turn on his TV, instead going for his laptop. He lies down, put the thing on his legs and then starts up his internet browser. Sure, he indeed has a few episodes of Dr. Sexy to watch, but right now that’s not really what he’s in the mood for.

As it turns out, he’s not really in the mood for anything. He goes through YouTube a bit watching some bloggers talk about whatever happened in their lives. After that he goes to some skaters to check out some of their tricks. In the end, he doesn’t see anything he can’t do.

When his eyes then pass over a video about a girl doing inline figure skating, Dean’s heart stops for a moment, and then inspiration goes through him. On the search bar, he quickly types in ‘Castiel Novak figure skating’, and then he presses enter.

The results varied; mostly it’s just short fragments of his programs. Those videos don’t last longer than five minutes, at most. Further in the results there are also interviews, and even fan-compilations of him. In the end, Dean even smirks when somebody appears to have made a video about his Instagram-uploads.

Dean goes for the first video, seeing that it’s from a competition Cas did in September last year. That’s weird? Dean didn’t know he was out of the country back then? Didn’t Jimmy say his first competition of the season was in January? But maybe Jimmy’s not all up to date with it, either?

As it turns out, the video he’s watching is from the Grand Prix Final, where he apparently earned gold in the end. With the way he moves, Dean can easily understand that. He bites his lip when he sees Cas move on his screen, watching those sensual and smooth movements, performing as if it isn’t really _that_ hard.

His phone then vibrates again. Distracted, he picks it up, finding that Cas has answered.

**_I must say that Dr. Sexy isn’t really my taste, but I suppose he’s not that bad looking, if that’s what you’re into ;-)_ **

**_I’m kidding, of course. Just teasing._ **

**_Dean?_ **

Oh, Dean must have been really distracted. There are at least ten minutes in between each message. The guy must have been thinking Dean was angry at him for his comment.

_Sorry, got distracted._

But what else can he really say? It’s not as if he can just tell him; ‘hey, I’ve been watching videos of you for the last half hour. I don’t mean this in any romantic way but damn you’re kind of hot’. No, first of all, that’s not really something Dean would say, and secondly, he’s sure Cas wouldn’t really appreciate that, either.

**_Do I want to know?_ **

_C’mon Cas, no! I was just wandering around on the internet, and saw that you were in a series of competitions back in the summer? I didn’t know about that?_

He can see Cas is preparing an answer, but it seems to be taking long. While he waits, he starts another video from the same competition. It’s the program he’s watched on the TV during the US Championships, but he can see there’s some difference in his performance then and the one he’s seen now.

**_Yeah, the Grand Prix. Each skater gets placed in two events before moving on to the finals. I had to perform in Illinois for Skate America, where I placed first. My second event was NHK Trophy in Japan. I placed second there, but I was still able to move on to the Grand Prix Final, which is in Barcelona. Jimmy’s wedding was the 23 rd, and I came back home the fifteenth. _ **

Wow, that’s quite a lot, Dean notes. He scrapes his throat, wondering why it has to be so complicated. For a moment, he’s glad that he’s not doing competitions after all, even if those things are completely different with inline skating.

_Man, you sure do travel a lot._

**_Indeed. I guess that must also be a reason why Balthazar dumped my ass :-p_ **

Oh, now he’s being funny about it. That probably means that he isn’t _that_ bothered about it anymore, right? Should he bring it up again? Or maybe not?

 _Yeah, well, Balthazar’s an ass_.

That’s all he has to answer. Sure, he doesn’t know the guy all that well, but so far his first impression of him isn’t really a good one.

**_Balthazar’s okay. He was a good friend before it all. He just always had this problem of wanting to be… desirable. Let me just say that he’s the kind of guy who would gladly participate in an orgy._ **

_Wow, wouldn’t really expect you to stay with a guy like that._

**_No, indeed. It’s for the better that we broke it off, really. Now we’re both free to do what we want._ **

The second video ends as well, and the browser automatically goes onto the next one. It’s one of Cas’ old performances, Dean notes. He looks a bit younger and skinnier then, with his hair quite a bit longer. When he sees that it’s from 2005, his mind immediately makes the connection.

That’s the first year Cas competed, and where he ended up on the last place.

He wonders if Cas would appreciate Dean watching a video from his past like that. Surely, now that he’s been champion for five times in a row, he shouldn’t mind all that much?

But no, he clicks away the video before the music can even start. It just feels wrong. If Cas wants him to see it, he would tell him.

_Haven’t caught anybody interested yet? Maybe another skater you met during a competition? ;-)_

Instead of the video of 2005, Dean opens up an interview. It’s from the Grand Prix Final of last year, he sees. Cas is seated at a table, between two other skaters that Dean doesn’t recognize. The one on his right looks happy, but the one on his left looks as if he’s ready to fall asleep, seeming extremely exhausted.

_“Tell us, Castiel, what are your plans now after the Grand Prix? Are you going back to the World Championships?”_

Dean studies Cas’ face. He doesn’t look displeased at all, but he can note that he doesn’t seem comfortable at all. Clearly, all those years in the spotlight still feel weird for him.

“ _After tomorrow I’ll go back to Pontiac for my brother’s wedding. Until January I will train there, and after that I’ll start again with the US Championships.”_

_“What do you think is the biggest reason that got you to win the World Championship title five years in a row?”_

Dean notices the thinking expression Cas brings out then. It’s quiet a weird question to be honest, and it would have taken Dean aback as well.

“ _Constant practice. There’s not a day when I’m not on the ice. I constantly keep on pushing myself to become better. But next to that, I would say my family. My parents and brother don’t really know much about figure skating, but they’re always there to cheer me on. Sometimes they join me for a competition, but mostly they watch on the screen.”_

Dean’s attention to the interview is taken away when his phone vibrates again. Quickly he opens the message, seeing Cas’ name show up again.

**_I haven’t been looking around. Why, you seen anybody interested during my performance? Though I’m not sure I want to go back into the dating-game again so soon._ **

_Nah, man, just messing around. Though if I do see somebody who turns out to be interested, I’ll let you know, okay? ;-)_

**_Shut up, Dean._ **

Dean laughs, and then pushes his laptop aside. It’s time to get something to eat now, after all. He goes to his fridge, pulling out some microwave lasagna since he’s not that much in the mood to cook. He puts the package on the counter and takes off the lid, only to have his eye falling on the papers Sam had given him the day after his birthday.

WIFSA. A young organization, Sam had called it. So far, Dean hadn’t heard anything about it. He lets go of the lasagna and picks up the papers.

It’s probably just some wannabe-inline skating competition that doesn’t want to focus on slaloming, only. It’s not that they have much different kinds of contests, really. At least, _real_ contests. It’s not the same as ice skating, after all.

But then he catches the official name of the organization, and his heart stops for a second. Because there’s _no way_ Sam could have known. Dean had always made so sure that nobody would see him practice, made sure that everything he and his coach worked on stayed between them two.

But as it turns out, Sam knew all along.

 _Shit_.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean doesn’t try to think about it much more the days afterwards. He doesn’t bring it up with Sam during their phone calls, and the papers are now lying forgotten on his desk, underneath his laptop.

The following days are mostly spent at the garage or the Roadhouse, where he works extra hard to distract himself from the idea that Sam might possibly know everything. Ellen and Bobby _have_ noticed that he seems more irritable lately, but whenever they bring it up he just shrugs it off.

It’s none of their business. It’s none of anybody’s business, anyway.

Cas’ short program is planned on the tenth, and his free skate is for the twelfth. Both of the competitions start at five in the afternoon, meaning that when the first one arrives, Dean has just arrived at his next shift at the Roadhouse. It’s not an evening shift this time, meaning that he’ll probably go back home around nine.

The moment he gets inside, he starts up the television that is almost never used, and quickly passes on to the sport’s channel. There he can see the images already from the arena, looking almost even bigger than the previous one.

“Hey Dean, what are you doing?” Jo asks when she sees him standing at the bar. As always, she smashes her towel against his ass, but this time Dean doesn’t react to it, instead turning up the volume higher.

“It’s the next competition,” Dean simply states as he searches for the remote to make sure nobody else would change the channel.

“Huh, no kidding,” Jo mumbles out with a strange tone on her voice, reminding Dean a bit of Jimmy. He just shrugs it off, there’s neither need nor time for him to care about any weird innuendo both are constantly trying to give.

Of course, Jimmy knows when he has to keep his mouth shut. Jo, sadly, doesn’t have that filter.

“So when you two get married, can I at least be the flower girl? I mean, I won’t be wearing any kind of girly dress, but it could be fun to throw out flowers when one of you two walks towards the aisle.”

Dean just rolls his eyes but he doesn’t comment on it. Honestly, with half of Jimmy’s skating-class constantly thinking that he’s in a secret relationship with Jimmy, it’s not as if this feels any different. Only, with Jimmy being married now, it’s actually funny to act on it. With Cas… no, that would just feel weird. He just doesn’t know the guy well enough for now.

When he’s got the channel secured, Dean pulls out his phone and starts up a new message.

_Okay, TV is up. Better give us a good performance or the customers are going to hate me. No pressure ;-)_

He’s intentionally being annoying here, but he knows that Cas doesn’t feel affected by stress that much. Sure, the guy _feels_ stressed, but he doesn’t seem to let it affect his performance. Maybe all this experience on the ice during competitions has made him immune for it.

**_Better keep your eyes on the screen then. You won’t be disappointed._ **

And Dean smirks, because the camera has once again fallen onto Cas, who is currently standing at the side, leaning over the boards with his phone in his hand. Crowley seems to be scowling once again because of his use of the phone.

_I’m counting on it. Better go practice, your coach looks like he might go into cardiac arrest._

And after a few seconds, Cas looks up to his coach before seemingly smirking. Then he hands him the phone, and gets back on the ice. Meanwhile, the commentators keep on talking. It’s originally in Korean, but the American commentators are speaking above it so Dean can actually understand what’s being said.

_“-America’s representative, Castiel Novak, age 25. Now he’s been a known name for quite a while now in the Figure Skating world, having won gold at the World Championships for five years in a row, until last year when he participated at the Olympics but didn’t come home with a medal.”_

The camera is still pointed at Cas, who is warming up a bit on the ice. He doesn’t do more than arm-movements and spinning around, skipping all his jumps probably per Crowley’s order. There’s a smirk on the man’s face though, and for a moment Dean wonders if he isn’t feeling a bit too confident here? He wasn’t this smug at the US championships, really.

“ _Yes, he did end up ninth on the board, and said himself that it hadn’t been his best performance. Now, after winning at the Grand Prix back in Barcelona, it seems like he’s going to get himself back on the top.”_

The two commentators keep on talking, but Dean stops listening after a while. He knows already that, sometimes, they speak openly about their opinion of things. During the last competition, they practically _destroyed_ one of the skaters career by only bringing up bad things, and publicly announcing that they don’t have much faith in the guy’s skating-career.

Quickly, Dean takes a snapshot of the TV, which still has Cas’ face planted on it, and then he adds a quick update to Instagram. It’s something he’s been doing a lot more, lately, but still not as much as Cas. There are maybe two photos once every two weeks, and it doesn’t get a lot of reaction other than from Cas or Jimmy – since Sam isn’t really active on the platform, either.

 

 

> **_d_winchester_ ** _Watching **@castiel** on the not-so-big-screen back at the Roadhouse. Better make us proud, bud. _

He does add some hash tags to it, since Cas has constantly been hammering him about it, but he keeps them limited to the name of the contest and Castiel’s name in general.

When it seems like the warm-up is over, the skaters move off the ice and the board comes up, indicating which skater goes when. As it turns out, Cas is up third, having 23 others behind him. At least, if he’s that much in the beginning, Dean wouldn’t have to watch all the others too intently.

Then his phone buzzes; a notification.

 

 

> **_castiel_ ** _if I bring home a medal, will I get something in return?_

_Oh, that sneaky bastard_ , Dean thinks with a smirk. Before he can answer, a few men come to ask for some beers. Dean just puts his phone to the side, and gives them all they ask for before continuing.

 

 

> **_d_winchester   @castiel_ ** _sure, a beer sounds good?_
> 
> **_castiel_ ** _A beer, Dean? I plan to bring back a medal and you offer me a beer? I am shocked._
> 
> **_jimmyno_ ** _oh my God, are you guys at it again? Quit flirting you two and go do what you’re supposed to do._
> 
> **_castiel   @jimmyno_ ** _you’re such a buzz kill. But you’re right; I have a competition to win._

Dean just shakes his head again and puts his phone aside. Jimmy at his best, killing the fun. For a moment Dean wonders if he maybe has a problem with Dean becoming friends with his brother. Maybe that’s the reason why he never introduced them, before? But, that wouldn’t really sound like Jimmy, at all, right?

It’s a slow night at the Roadhouse. There aren’t many customers, and those who are here don’t come hanging at the bar too often to get a refill. It’s a bit weird on a Saturday, but seeing as it’s only five twenty in the afternoon, most people still have to get back home from working.

Dean leans a bit against the bar, eyes pointed towards the TV screen. It’s not the best quality there is, seeing as it’s a thing still from the time when Bill Harvelle lived here, but it works well enough, still. He’s got a bottle of water in his hands – because of the ‘no alcohol during working hours’ rule Ellen has put up – and the remote control safely tucked in his pocket.

When it’s Cas’ turn at last, Dean makes sure that he has a good view on the screen. He’s almost feeling nervous in his place.

As the commentators announce him again, the show Cas talking with his coach at the side of the rink. Cas has a bottle of water next to his mouth, taking a few gulps of them after saying something. Nobody can really hear what they’re talking about, but it seems like Cas hasn’t lost any of his confidence.

Eventually, Cas drops the bottle and starts skating towards the center. Applause comes up from the audience in the arena, and Dean’s heart beats even faster now. How can Cas stay so calm right here?

Dean knows the program a bit now, having seen it twice; once in real life and once on YouTube. There’s by now at least enough knowledge to see that this time, it isn’t going the way it’s supposed to be going. Cas seems _too_ overconfident, nailing his jumps pretty well in the beginning, but trying too hard to make it even better than last time.

It doesn’t take long for Dean to realize that Cas seems to be getting tired, which is proven when he messes up one of his jumps and falls down on the ice. Luckily, he gets back on his feet immediately and continues as if nothing happened.

 _You idiot, you shouldn’t push yourself like that_ , Dean thinks to himself.

“Hey, turn off that faggy-shit and give us some _real_ sport!” someone suddenly shouts from behind him, and Dean turns around immediately to find somebody he’s never seen before. It’s an ugly-ass guy with a round and bearded face, wearing an ugly-ass cap on his head from whatever baseball-club he’s supporting.

He seems muscular, but it can also be mistaken as fat, since Dean can’t see him too well. The only reason why he doesn’t just go and punch him in the face is because of the two buddies he has with him, each looking at him with an unimpressed stare.

“I better not hear that word again in this place or I’m going to have to ask you three to leave,” Dean speaks up quietly, knowing that he’s missing a part of Cas’ performance now. He has no idea if the guy’s doing better than before.

“What? _Fag_? Let me guess, you’re one of them, too, aren’t ya?” The guy smirks and the other two snort along with him. He can see a few other customers looking at them angrily, but they don’t seem keen on starting a fight with them.

“I don’t think that’s really any of your business, sir,” Dean answers calmly. The man don’t seem to hear him, though. It’s clear enough for him now that they’re obviously drunk, stinking of alcohol. Dean doesn’t even remember having given them anything yet, which probably means that they’ve arrived here in this state.

“Just look at that little fag on the screen, doing such a girl’s sport, and then earning money from it in the end. He’s probably just a little bitch…” They keep on talking to each other, loud enough that Dean can’t focus on the screen anymore. Eventually, just when he’s about to smash down his glass of water and start chewing them off, Ellen comes to his rescue.

“I’m sorry, gentlemen, I only allow a certain kind of people in my bar. I’m afraid homophobes don’t really fit in that selection. I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

Yes, Ellen is really just such a blessing. It’s impossible how she manages to stay calm like that when it’s obvious that she’s pissed off as Hell.

The guys just look at each other for a moment before they all snort, getting up at last.

“This whole place is just stinking gay, let’s find someplace else,” the man with the cap says, and then the three of them are heading out of the bar. Dean’s heart, which has started to beat faster without his knowledge now finally starts slowing down. He takes a few deep breaths before facing Ellen with a smile.

“Thank you, Ellen,” he says. The woman just shrugs before putting a hand on his shoulder in comfort. Dean smiles at her shortly. He’s so glad to have her in his life. She knows just how she needs to approach him, and doesn’t ask too many questions. She knows when she’s needed and when she has to keep her distance.

When Dean’s phone rings, his eyes firstly go for the screen of the TV, where he can see Cas sitting at the kiss and cry – at least, that’s what Jimmy called it the last time. The points are written down on a board, indicating that he’s at 75.86. That looks kind of low for him, and the expression on his face seems indication enough.

Dean can see that Cas has his phone pressed against his ear, meaning that the call he’s receiving is probably from him. When he throws Ellen a short look, she just waves him off.

“Take your call outside, it’s not as if we’re undermanned,” she tells him, and Dean nods at her thankfully before walking away from the bar and pressing the call-button to pick up.

“Cas? Hey, I’ve seen the results, man,” Dean says. On the other side there’s loud noise, probably still from the crowd. “Are you alright? You took quite a fall.”

 _“I’m fine, I just can’t believe I messed up those jumps_ ,” Cas says on the other side of the line. He sounds extremely disappointed, but Dean can remember the way he sounded when he got 93.63. In comparison to then, this score must be extremely low for him.

“It’s alright, Cas, I’m sure you can catch up again tomorrow. Just do your best,” Dean assures him. He comes to lean against the wall and puts his hand in his pocket to keep it warm. It’s dark outside, and he can see a few cars arriving on the parking lot.

“ _I don’t know, Dean, I really messed up today. I got overconfident and messed everything up_ ,” Cas answers bitterly.

“Yes, you did, Cas. But it’s not hopeless. Just stay grounded during your free skate, keep your head out of the clouds, and perform like when you did for me back in Pontiac, okay?”

Cas is quiet for a moment, and Dean wonders if he said something wrong. He’s not good at comforting people, he’s aware of that, but he didn’t think he’d be _so_ bad at it that he would instantly insult Cas.

“ _Alright, Dean, I will,”_ Cas then answers. The noise goes away, and Dean figures he must be walking away from the crowd, getting back to the changing rooms. “ _I wish you were here, you seem to know exactly what to say.”_

Dean’s breath catches, and he unintentionally puts his lips together in a thin line. It’s weird to hear Cas say something like that. He didn’t know they were _such_ good friends, already. But now that he comes to think about it, being friends with Cas is extremely easy. He’s fun, sometimes a bit awkward, and he can end up as a real ass when something’s bothering him.

“I wish I was there too, just so I could have brought some sense into your head before you started,” Dean mutters back. Behind him, he hears some footsteps approaching him. It’s probably Ellen or Jo, fetching him to continue his work.

But as he turns around, he can’t be more wrong.

His phone falls out of his hand when he’s harshly pushed against the brick wall of the Roadhouse. His head stings from the hard blow, and he accidentally bites his tongue. His hands are quickly grabbed to keep him from pulling away.

“So, what, you get kicked out and just randomly start beating up random guys?” Dean mutters out, though he finds himself extremely out of breath. The guy with the cap just smirks, and now Dean can see that it wasn’t fat, but very much muscles that make him so buff.

“Nah, not random guys. Just the fags,” he says with a grin, and then his hand connects with Dean’s stomach.

It hurts, and not just a little; the second blow even more so than the first. If he was out of breath at first, now he just feels like he’s drowning. A painful groan escapes from his mouth, but he can’t find the strength to pull out of the hold.

He doesn’t know how long they’re going for, but after a while they seem to tire from his stomach and instead go for his face. His nose immediately starts bleeding, and he’s sure his eye is swollen, but the other two guys seem to have lost their guard, there. He might be hurting everywhere in his body, but he’s not one to just give up like that.

His father told him years ago that Dean would just have to hide his true strength, appear weak to deceive his attackers. With the way his father lived, mostly drunk off his ass and actively searching for bar brawls to get some action, it’s only normal that the guy would teach his techniques to Dean, as well. But probably, the guy just did it to make sure that his son would be a skilled fighter.

Yes, Dean has practically been trained his whole life by the man, constantly sparring with him and ending up with sore muscles more often than not. Where normal kids went swimming or followed music classes, Dean got taught how to get himself out of a fight as the winner. It had been a wonder, really, that he was even allowed to keep on skating.

So when their hold on him is finally gone, Dean acts on his reflexes. In just a matter of seconds, he punches the two men that held him right on their faces, surely bringing them unconscious in just one blow. The third man, with the cap, then seems extremely surprised at the sudden turn of events.

“Too bad for you, my old man trained me for these sort of things,” Dean mumbles out through the blood in his mouth, and then he lands the last punch with all the strength he has. The guy falls on his back, landing with a loud thump.

His whole body hurts; each breath ends in a sting – bruised ribs, probably – and his nose keeps on bleeding all over his face. It’s been a while since he’s last been in this kind of situation, so he’s already aware of the damage he’s taken. Really, the other guys got off easy, mostly just waking up with a headache afterwards.

By the time Ellen rushes outside – how did she even know? – Dean is already kneeling down on the ground, unable to keep himself standing. He watches at the horrified woman in front of him, offers her a light smile, and then shrugs.

“I think I need some patching up,” he mumbles out, and then he collapses, feeling too weak to stay up anymore. It’s cold, and his whole body hurts, and he just needs some sleep, now.


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, a very short chapter. I'm in the middle of my exams and now I've ended up sick as shit as well, so while there was inspiration, I fear that the quality has gone away a bit. Apologies for that.

As it turns out, Ellen’s quite good at patching up.

Sure, she’s been trying to convince Dean to ‘go to the damn hospital or I’ll drive you there myself’, but in the end he managed to convince her well enough that he would be fine, and that he would just need the blood washed away before he drives himself home.

She doesn’t ask any questions, which is probably Dean’s favorite thing about her. As he’s sitting on a chair next to a table, with his eyes closed and Ellen’s cotton drenched in antiseptic, Dean can’t help but smile at the idea that, right now, Jo is talking to the cops outside. He’s sure they’ll come in later to get a statement out of him, but Dean doesn’t want to spend too much time on it; they were drunk, trying to be cool. In the end it’s Dean who knocked them out, so he’s not sure whose story they’ll listen to.

‘Those bruised ribs I won’t be able to help you with. You should better just go for a doctor, get your head checked out while you’re at it,” Ellen mumbles out as she finishes up with cleaning away the last bit of blood on his face.

“Nah, I’ll be fine. Just bed rest for a few days,” Dean shrugs, but Ellen shakes her head.

“Still, I would feel better if there would be somebody staying with you overnight. Give me your cell,” Ellen counters. Dean frowns for a moment, but figures that crossing Ellen wouldn’t be the best of his ideas so far. Instead he grabs for his pocket, taking out his cellphone – which now has a freshly cracked screen thanks to those jackasses – and hands it to Ellen.

He did notice he had some new messages, but he can check those out afterwards, right?

“Who are you calling?” Dean asks when he sees her going through his contacts, and when she holds up her hand for him to shut up, he frowns.

“Hello, Jimmy? I’m sorry to bother you, but I think Dean might have a concussion, and he’s refusing to get himself checked out. Do you mind staying with him for the night to make sure he doesn’t get himself in a coma or anything?”

Dean rolls his eyes and almost wants to pull the phone out of his hands.

“Yes, no, he got beat up by some jerks at the Roadhouse, but he knocked them out. He was on the phone with your brother at the time, so he called to warn us about what was happening.”

Ah, so _that’s_ how Ellen figured out he needed help outside. Cas, that sneaky bastard. Dean just grins and shakes his head with a smirk. He _had_ wondered what his friend would have been doing after he lost him on the line. Obviously it would be calling out for help.

“Yes, I’m sending him home now, thank you Jimmy.” After that, Ellen hangs up the phone and lets out a long breath before turning to Dean with a stern face. “Jimmy is going to your place and you’ll let him take care of you, okay?”

“Fine, whatever. You’ll manage without me tonight?” Dean asks, taking his phone back when Ellen holds it out to him. The woman snorts and shakes her head.

“Of course, we’ll be fine,” she says. Then she puts a hand on his shoulder before getting up. “Now call that boyfriend of yours, I’m sure he’s worried.”

Dean frowns as he sees Ellen walk out of the room, back towards the bar where it’s surely getting too crowded for Jo to handle alone. What would she mean by that, though? She didn’t sound as if she was joking, so is it possible that she _actually_ thinks that Cas is his boyfriend? Maybe he should really clear that out the next time he’ll see her.

He does search for Cas’ name, though. It’s easily found in his recent calls, and before he knows it he hears the waiting tone on the other side of the line. He should probably get up and go back home, but Ellen’s probably right about that; Cas might be worried.

“ _Dean, I was afraid something terrible happened!”_ is the first thing Dean hears when Cas picks up. It’s quiet now around him, which probably means that he’s gotten himself in a secluded spot.

“Nah, I’m fine, just some guys Ellen kicked out earlier that ended up pretty pissed about it,” Dean explains as if it’s not that big of a deal. He starts to massage his shoulder when it starts to hurt a bit, but doesn’t make any plans on getting up soon.

“ _Did they hurt you?”_   Cas asks. Dean wants to say that he’s fine, and that there’s no pain at all, but his head _does_ ache and every breath he takes feels like his whole body is on fire. But can he really explain that to him?

“They threw a few punches, but I’m mostly fine,” Dean then says. It wouldn’t help Cas at all to tell him everything that happened here. “Listen, man, Ellen’s sending me home, and calling to you in Korea is probably going to be a bitch for my bill, so I’ll hang up now, okay?”

 _“Okay Dean, I’ll talk to you later,”_ Cas says. Is it Dean, or does he sound a bit disappointed there?

“Bye, Cas,” Dean mutters, and after Cas says his goodbye as well, Dean hangs up. He feels a bit bad for shaking him off like that, but he wasn’t kidding about calling to somebody in Korea. His first phone call is probably already going to cost him much. He’s barely got enough money as it is, better not waste more of it. If Cas wants to call, there are other, cheaper ways for it.

After putting his phone to the side, Dean grabs his coat and decides it’s better to just head home now. Surely Jimmy will be there soon.

He doesn’t manage to keep his chat with the police short. The guys made homophobic remarks, Ellen kicked them out, and afterwards they expressed their anger on Dean who was having an innocent chat outside; that’s what he wanted to tell them before getting out of here, but it seems like they’re needing more details than that.

“So was it an act of hatred?” one of the officers suddenly asks with her eyes still pointed to her notation block. She’s a young woman with short brown hair and big brown eyes. She looks friendly enough, Dean figures.

“What do you mean?” Dean asks,  unsure of what she’s inquiring for here.

“Well, you said they made homophobic remarks, then got kicked out. Did they then attack you because of the homophobia?” the officer then looks up at him, and Dean notices some concern in her expression. He also notices the wedding ring on her finger, and decides not to look too much into it.

“Uhm, well, yeah it was an act of homophobia, but I think it’s mostly because I defended my friend. I’m not gay…”

The woman nods and writes something more down. After that she starts throwing him questions about how he defended Cas, and who he was talking to before they got to him. Dean just answers truthfully, and then eventually lets out a long breath when the woman seems to wrap it up. The woman nods to him shortly, and then gets back to the car, where Dean can see three annoyed men stuck in the backseat, clearly cursing the lack of space.

Huh, assholes.

Dean eventually gets back home. Jimmy, who surely has used Dean’s spare key to get inside, is already making something to eat for the two of them. He does look up when Dean gets in the room, but he doesn’t react to his appearance, for which Dean is thankful for.

“Sit down,” Jimmy calls out in a simple order, and Dean rolls his eyes but listens. The moment he’s seated, a plate filled with what looks like spaghetti is dropped down in front of him. Dean doesn’t question it, but instead starts eating.

Jimmy is mostly quiet, simply staring at Dean with those big blue eyes of his. Dean wonders what the guy is thinking of. He does seem awfully more quiet than usual.

“You’re not setting a foot on your skates for at least a week,” Jimmy then says sternly, and Dean snorts. Not that he’s going to complain here. Even if his head would have been fine, with the way his ribs feel, it’s clear that he won’t be good enough for it.

“Okay, mom,” Dean mutters out, but he doesn’t manage to get a smile out of Jimmy. When the light catches in Jimmy’s gold wedding ring, Dean swallows a mouthful of pasta before opening his mouth again.

“How’s Amelia?” Dean asks. Jimmy raises his eyebrows and snorts.

“She’s fine. She wanted to come here, too, but there’s a big meeting at school tomorrow for which she needs to be fully rested for,” Jimmy says in a shrug. “She also told me to hit you on the head, but I figure that wouldn’t be the best idea for now.”

Dean lets out a laugh but then nods. Meanwhile, his cellphone starts vibrating again in an indication that he’s got a new message. Jimmy hears it, though, and he throws him a knowing look without saying anything. Dean notices it, of course.

He can’t help but sigh. “Just tell me what’s on your mind, Jim,” Dean mutters. Jimmy just shakes is head.

“Nah, it’s fine, just answer him,” Jimmy says without explaining anything. Dean throws him a glare, but just to spite him he doesn’t take out his phone. Cas surely can wait. “Seriously, Dean. Answer him.”

And that tone in his voice… Dean can’t place it. Everybody just starts to act strange whenever Cas is mentioned, Dean notes. It annoys him a bit, making him wonder if they all know something he doesn’t.

He wants to bring it up, make things clear about his friendship with Cas being nothing more than that, but he wonders if they’ll even listen. To be honest, Dean would be doing the same thing had he been in Jimmy’s shoes, just to be an annoying little shit.

So he takes his phone, opens the message and reads it out loud.

**_I’m in ninth place so far. Again… I’ll have a lot of catching up to do tomorrow to catch up on Ten_ ** _._

Jimmy nods, but he does appear a bit sad about it. It must be weird for both of them; Cas is usually on the top of the list, always balancing between first and second place. To suddenly end up ninth would surely suck extremely hard.

“He really wanted to impress someone, today,” Jimmy notes, not speaking out a name. Dean looks up from his screen, taking in Jimmy’s form in front of him. Jimmy doesn’t look tired, but he seems worried about something. It’s probably because of the skating classes he had to cancel to babysit Dean like this. Dean takes a quick look at his watch, and notes that it’s eight already.

“I figured. And he told me none of the skaters out there caught his eye. The liar,” Dean jokes. He pulls up his phone and starts typing back a message.

_Better keep your head out of the clouds next time. Whoever you wanted to impress surely will prefer if you would actually win something ;-)_

Jimmy doesn’t answer. He stares at Dean, with his head resting on his hand, keeping his mouth shut. It starts to feel uncomfortable after a while, being looked at so intensively. These Novaks and those eyes of theirs… Impossible.

“Look, Jimmy, is there something you want to say to me? You’ve been acting extremely weird for the last few weeks,” Dean then finally gets out. He’s just tired of it; tired of those knowing looks, those questioning eyes. Jimmy doesn’t smile as often, instead just watches Dean as if he’s something interesting that needs to be studied.

“Dean,” Jimmy then finally starts, but then he shuts his mouth again. He takes a few breaths while he seems to think things over. “What are your intentions towards my brother?”

Finally, some progress. Though Dean doesn’t really understand why his heart suddenly seems to skip a beat. He shouldn’t be all _that_ surprised, what with all the teasing that has been happening around him ever since he met the guy’s twin brother.

“He’s a friend, why?”

Jimmy squints his eyes then, suddenly reminding Dean of Cas. Weird, normally it’s the other way around, since he’s known Jimmy far longer than Cas.

“ _Just_ a friend?” Jimmy asks in suspicion. Dean then rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He can’t believe this; sure, Jimmy would be joking the whole damn time, but Dean can’t believe the guy actually _thinks_ that there’s more going on!

“Holy shit, Jim, _yes_ , just a friend. You know I’m not-“ but Dean can’t continue when his head suddenly starts pounding. He drops his fork, and holds his hands up to press above his eyebrows, trying to create a pressure greater than the pain souring through him.

“Dean, are you alright?” Jimmy asks, and then he’s up and hovering around Dean like a worried mother. Dean waves him off, but Jimmy doesn’t back off. “I’m getting you some painkillers now, and then you’ll go to bed.”

“But I’m not tired,” Dean mumbles out. Jimmy just snorts.

“You will be when I’ll wake you up every hour,” he answers. After that he helps Dean get up, and he prepares him for bed. Neither of them notices that Cas never answered Dean’s last message.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean stays at home for the entire week, having received time off from Ellen and Bobby to get back on his feet. Not that he would need so much time. His head got better the day after the beating, and his ribs don’t seem to be taking their time in healing, instead giving him the freedom to walk around again after the fourth day with minimal pain.

He watched Cas’ last performance live on TV at two in the night – since the time difference between the two countries is fifteen damn hours – and he wasn’t too surprised to see Cas pick up his act. He didn’t manage to score himself first again, but got a stable third place and a guarantee to the World Championships. Cas didn’t sound all too happy about this result last time Dean spoke to him on the phone. Dean just told him to suck it up and be glad that he got to go forward.

It’s the seventeenth of February when somebody knocks on Dean’s door. He’s been at home for five days already, extremely bored out of his mind. Jimmy does come over every day to make sure that he’s alright, but mostly it’s just Dean and his TV-shows to entertain him.

Now, the fact that somebody actually _knocked_ is indication for Dean that, firstly, his bell is broken again. He needs to check that damn thing out once more, apparently. Now, secondly, it also means that it couldn’t be Jimmy since the guy lets himself in without invitation most of the time. So Dean gets off the couch, puts on his slippers, and walks himself to the front door.

The person he gets to greet once he opens up really isn’t somebody he’d expected.

“Cas?” Dean asks the man standing in front of him. Cas looks horrible; there are dark circles around his eyes, and his hair is pointed to everywhere. He seems to be dressed in a warm sweater, and there’s a scarf around his neck. But, mostly, he seems like he’s about to fall over any moment.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says, sounding hoarse as well. Man, he just looks pathetic right now. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I just needed to see if you were okay.”

“What the hell are you doing here, Cas? You must have the biggest jetlag ever!” Dean almost shouts out. He pulls Cas inside, out of the rain, and pushes him towards the living room. After that, he drops him down on the couch, and throws a blanket over him.

“I’m fine, Dean,” Cas mumbles out, but Dean shakes his head.

“Yeah, as if. You get some sleep first, and then I’ll believe you,” Dean answers sternly. He offers Cas a few pillows, helps him with removing his sweater and scarfs, and then he literally pushes Cas down.

“But, my suitcase is still outside,” Cas whispers sleepily.

“No way, you came here _immediately?_ Are you an idiot?!” And Dean is up again, going for the front door and finding that, indeed, Cas’ suitcase is still waiting outside in the pouring rain. Dean can’t help but shake his head as he pulls it inside as well, making sure that it stays dry. It wouldn’t do to have all of Cas’ clothes wet when he goes back home.

He isn’t too surprised when Cas is sleeping the moment he gets back. He finds himself standing in the doorway, looking down at the guy whose first idea when he got back from Korea turned out to be making sure that Dean was okay. Maybe Dean should have mentioned in his messages that he was actually feeling great again. Then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

Dean gets out of the room and pulls out his cellphone. It’s only noon, and Tuesday, which probably means Jimmy is working at the office.

“ _Hello?”_ Jimmy’s familiar voice asks after only two beeps on the line.

“Jimmy, your brother is insane!” Dean whispers loudly, hoping that Cas won’t hear him.

“ _What did he do now?”_ Jimmy asks, but not sounding too concerned about it.

“He drove himself all the way to my place after landing in Illinois! That guy has a major jetlag, he should be in bed!”

 _“Well did you put him to bed, then?”_ Jimmy asks jokingly, letting out a laugh. Dean groans in frustration, wondering why Jimmy isn’t freaking out about this, as well! It’s his damn twin brother, for crying out loud. He should be a lot more concerned about this.

“No, he’s sleeping on the sofa,” Dean clarifies. It wouldn’t really be the best thing if word got around that Cas slept in his bed. People are talking enough about them as it is.

“ _Ah, you’re a crappy host. The guy’s been on a plane for sixteen and half hours. He deserves a bed at least.”_

“Can’t you take this serious?” Dean snaps, which seems to pull Jimmy out of his teasing mood.

“ _Listen, Dean, the guy’s been worried about you ever since the beating. He just wanted to see with his own two eyes that you were alright,”_ Jimmy finally says, calming Dean down a little bit. “ _Just let him sleep there, I think he just didn’t want to be alone.”_

Dean can understand that, really. He just lets out a sigh, and then shakes his head.

“Alright, fine. You still coming over this evening?” Dean asks then.

“ _Nah, I was actually thinking of giving you two some alone time,”_ Jimmy then starts joking again, and Dean groans in frustration. What is it with Jimmy today that makes him so annoying?

“You’re an annoying piece of shit today, Jim,” Dean mutters, and Jimmy lets out another laugh.

“ _Fine, I’ll come over. I haven’t seen my brother for a while, anyway.”_

After that, Jimmy hangs up, and Dean is left in his own house with a sleeping ice skater on his couch.

Well, he _had_ been watching some videos before Cas came knocking on his door. If he would take out his headphones, he could keep on watching for sure, but Cas is taking the entire couch, as it turns out.

Then Dean shrugs. If this would have been Jimmy, he wouldn’t have let that stop him, either. So he takes his laptop back in his hands, lifts up Cas’ legs and gets himself down on the other side of the couch before dropping them again. Then he puts his laptop on top of them, and continues watching his videos.

By the time Jimmy arrives at his house, Dean appears to have fallen asleep. The laptop is now lying on a pillow on the ground, having fallen off Cas’ legs after a little while. Dean, in the meantime, is leaning to his right, his head resting on Cas’ hip.

That’s the way he wakes up, and the moment he opens his eyes, there stands Jimmy, smirking down at the two with a massive grin on his face.

“Well, well, look at the lovebirds here,” Jimmy jokes, resting his hands on his hips. Dean jumps up in surprise and almost pushes Cas away from him. With that, the other guy wakes up as well, making a confused noise as he opens his sleepy eyes.

“What’s going on?” Cas asks. Dean is now out of the couch, almost having dragged Cas out of it as well. He quickly clears his throat, looking everywhere but the brothers that are now in his living room.

“Nothing, everything’s fine,” Dean mumbles. Then he heads for the kitchen. “I’m sure you must be hungry, I’ll get you something to eat.” And then Dean is out, getting himself to put a meal together.

He can hear Cas and Jimmy talking back in the living room, but he doesn’t join. He shouldn’t have fallen asleep, because now he won’t hear the end of it anymore. He’s pretty sure Jimmy is going to keep on using this opportunity to make fun of him for at least the next two years. He’s never been one to let things like that go, easily.

Eventually, after finishing preparing the burgers and putting them in the pan, Dean figures he should rejoin the two brothers. He isn’t too surprised when he finds Cas still lying on the same spot, and with Jimmy now sitting where Dean had been before. Cas still looks extremely tired, but Jimmy is smiling at him.

“Ah, Dean, I was just talking to Cas about the first day we met,” Jimmy says, smiling too brightly for that to be just an innocent conversation.

“Yeah? There can’t be anything too embarrassing from that, right?” Dean asks.

“No, of course not. Except for the fact that you got all my students falling head over heels for you,” Jimmy laughs, and Cas, too, lets out a chuckle. Dean just shrugs but can’t help the grin that creeps up on his face.

“I just got that effect on the ladies,” Dean says as if it isn’t that surprising to him. He leans down on the armrest of the couch and throws his feet above Cas’ over Jimmy’s legs.

“Not just the ladies,” Jimmy snickers, and Dean gives him a light swat on the head for that remark before taking his cellphone again.

“Huh, you tagged me in a picture?” Dean mumbles when he sees the Instagram notification appear on his screen. Jimmy just looks away guiltily, but his grin is enough for Dean to know that he’s done something stupid again.

As it turns out, Dean’s right. The picture he’s looking at is a clear image of Dean practically lying on top of Cas, the two of them sleeping and unaware that the camera had taken a shot. His eyes widen and his mouth drops open.

> **_jimmyno_ ** _look at these two lovebirds being all cozy together. **@d_winchester @castiel**_

Cas seems to have realized that it mustn’t be too good. When he leans forward and grabs Dean’s cell out of his hands, Dean doesn’t protest, instead just punching Jimmy hard in the arm.

“I was even going to prepare burgers for you, man! I was going to be a good friend and then you stab me in the back!” Dean bites out while poking him in the side. Jimmy tries to push him away, but when Cas joins in on torturing his brother, Jimmy starts screaming out!

“Aah! Stop it you two! It was just a joke!” he laughs out. He pushes himself out of the couch and goes to the other side of the room. “Besides, Dean, weren’t you preparing a meal for us?”

Dean growls at him, and gets up after that.

“You’re lucky you’re right, asshole,” Dean mutters before disappearing back into the kitchen. He can hear Jimmy still laughing. The idiot.

After finishing the burgers, Dean calls out to the twins. The three of them sit themselves down at the kitchen table, and start eating. Just like Dean suspected, Jimmy ends up practically making out with his food. Much to his surprise, so does Cas.

“Hmm, this is so good!” Cas mumbles with his mouth full as he pushes the burger almost completely in his mouth. Dean raises an eyebrow in confusion, but he doesn’t intent to comment on it. Instead he shakes his head.

“You two are ridiculous,” Dean says to himself, wondering why he’s even friends with them in the first place. “Besides, Jimmy, my week’s almost over so I’ll get back on my skates soon enough.”

Jimmy just nods, unable to say anything to it as he enjoys his burger probably way too much. Should Dean comment on it? Maybe not, right?

Cas and Jimmy end up staying for a few more hours, but when Cas starts to show his exhaustion again, the two announce that they’ll make their leave. Jimmy takes Cas’ suitcase with him, and the brothers head to his car before Dean can even suggest driving Cas home. It seems like breaking tradition, somehow, but he doesn’t say anything about it. Instead he waves at them until they’re out of sight, and then he closes the door.

When he checks the source of the sudden income of notifications right before going to bed, Dean notes that a new picture has been uploaded by him. When he opens it, he sees an image of Cas smiling brightly at the camera, but still looking extremely tired.

> **_d_winchester_ ** _Looks like I hijacked your phone. I’m such a bad guy, really. Thanks for letting me crash on the couch_

Dean just shakes his head and smirks.

> **_d_winchester   @castiel_ ** _you’re almost as bad as your brother, I would say._

Cas doesn’t answer, probably already fast asleep. But that’s okay, really. It’s just fine. He needs his rest, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had by the way completely forgotten about the fact that there's a 15 hour difference between Korea and Illinois, meaning that Cas' competition would already have been over when Dean was watching. I'm not going to change it now, but I'll keep it in mind for the next few ones that will come!


	9. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update. Still sick as fuck, and I have an exam tomorrow. Wish me luck!!

Dean literally falls to the ground when he arrives.

It’s been a calm day, the lessons are finished and Jimmy has gone home already to be with his wife. Dean is all alone, using the place to get some slow practice done – nothing too much since his ribs don’t really agree on it just yet. He’s been doing quite well, too, when all from nothing _he_ just appeared, scaring Dean so hard he almost thinks he’ll get a heart attack.

“Hello Dean.”

Yes, Dean might have made an involuntary jump, and ended up landing on the ground when gravity decided to be against him. If a sound also left his mouth, he does sure hope Jimmy won’t ever hear of it.

“Cas, damn it wear a bell or something,” Dean mutters when he’s on his ass, looking up at the ice skater who seems a bit confused at what just happened. Dean wants to glare at him for making him fall, but Cas couldn’t have predicted this now, really. Instead of doing so, he accepts Cas’ hand when it’s reached out to him, and he allows him to pull him back up.

“Are you okay?” Cas asks, and Dean shrugs while shaking his limbs a bit. It’s his first time on the skates again since Jimmy forbade him, but falling just feels the same as ever. It sucks, but as long as he doesn’t have any major injuries he can just skate it off.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dean shrugs, and then he skates forward a bit. He figures here that their roles are somewhat reversed; this time, Cas is in _his_ territory, and Dean actually knows what he’s doing. “You here for a reason?”

Dean doesn’t mean to sound blunt, but to be honest, the two of them haven’t really spoken again since Cas came barging in to his house with a jetlag from here ‘till Korea. Literally.

“Yes, I wanted to see if I could get a ride again. I finished practicing earlier today and figured you would still be here.”

“How did you know I was back to skating?” Dean asks in confusion. Cas then holds up his phone and points the screen at Dean, who squints to see what’s on there.

Oh, it’s a picture. On Instagram, of course. The guy’s obsessed.

But, oh, right, it’s _his_ picture.

> **_d_winchester_ ** _back to my skates again. Man I’ve missed this_

“If you were trying to be subtle, it didn’t work I’m afraid,” Cas says in amusement. Dean snorts but then shakes his head, especially after seeing that Cas has already liked the picture.

“You’re a bit of a stalker, aren’t you?” Dean asks with a smirk, and Cas just smiles back at him. The height difference between them is suddenly that much bigger, and Dean actually has to look down when he talks to him.

“Just be glad you aren’t famous, or this place would have been full of fans,” Cas answers. He walks away from him, and then nods towards Dean. It’s an indication that Dean needs to follow him, and so he does.

“What, like you? Dude, I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen you swarmed by paparazzi,” Dean notes. Cas then just shrugs.

“I’m not famous, either,” Cas answers. “To another ice-skater, sure, I’m known. But outside of that world, nobody really cares about me.”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure some people care about you,” Dean assures him. Cas gives him a long sideway look, but then doesn’t say anything more to it. This friendship they have between them is weird; one moment they can’t ever stop talking, but then there can be a week where he doesn’t hear a damn thing from him. Sure, the guy is probably working on his programs, practicing until the big final competition, but that can’t be the entire reason now, right?

“Say, how come you don’t have a car? I’m pretty sure you’ve earned enough money as a top skater?” Dean finds himself asking instead. Cas clears his throat then and turns his face away. Dean is sure he isn’t imagining the blush on his face.

“I- uh, I don’t have my driver’s license,” Cas whispers out, and Dean almost didn’t catch that. He stops in his tracks, grabbing Cas by the arm and making him halt as well.

“Excuse me, did I hear that wrong? You don’t have a driver’s license?” Dean can’t help the horrified sound in his voice. This just can’t be!

“I never found the time,” Cas mutters. It’s clear that it’s some sort of sore spot for him, so he figures he shouldn’t mention it again for now. He lets go of Cas’ arm, and then skates to the middle of the track.

“Say, you want to join? I’m sure I can get into the renting skates in here,” Dean says, pointing towards a door behind him. He’s got the key to damn everywhere in here, so it wouldn’t be _too_ hard to find something.

“I don’t know, I’ve never tried this before,” Cas answers in hesitation. His eyes wander to Dean’s skates. They’re his favorite pair; black ones with some green lines on them. The two outer wheels are green, while the inner ones are blue. They fit perfectly, and if it was possible he probably could spend all day in them.

“Well, I never tried ice skating before, and I managed that just fine. C’mon, I’ll help you,” Dean assures him, and then he grabs the key from his pocket and gets to the door. It’s easy finding a pair that might fit Cas, but they’re not the best skates in the world. For Cas, figure inline skates would have been perfect, but they don’t have that in here as it turns out.

“These are quite heavy,” Cas complains once he’s got one skate on. Dean is standing next to him, making sure that he’s doing it right. When Cas goes to the next skate, Dean shakes his head and kneels down.

“No, no, you need to hear it click,” Dean corrects him, and with a hard push the click comes. Cas raises an eyebrow, but then nods.

“I guess that’s fair, the rental skates at the rink have a bit of the same system. I’ve just never used them before,” Cas defends himself. Dean just rolls his eyes and starts with tying off the next skate before Cas can even do it. After making sure that they’re put on securely, Dean gets back up with a smile.

“Now you’re ready,” he says, and he holds out his arm. Cas takes a few minutes to accept the help. When he’s standing up, his balance seems to be off, and he ends up leaning onto Dean when his skate starts rolling away without his consent. Dean just snorts. “Yeah, it’s different, isn’t it?”

Cas doesn’t answer, but instead keeps his hold on Dean’s arm when he tries to skate forward. He frowns the entire time, eyes pointed at the two things stuck on his feet.

“These are big and a bit clumsy to work with. Is it even possible to do figure skating with them?” Cas asks.

“Yeah, it’s possible, but for the _actual_ inline figure skaters there are skates just for them. Those look more like your figure skates, but only with wheels instead of a blade.” Dean helps Cas do a round on the track, but the other man doesn’t seem willing to let go of him just yet. The hand on his arm has now lowered to his wrist, though. Dean tries not to think about it too much.

“Are there many figure inline skaters?” Cas asks. Dean just shrugs again.

“Here in Pontiac? None. I know that there are more and more competitions going up, but it’s still not very known.”

Cas gives him a look, and finally does he release Dean’s wrist. He doesn’t seem comfortable enough to get up some speed, but at least he’s not going on like a grandpa on wheels.

“Have you ever tried it?” Cas asks, sounding a bit strange there. Dean just snorts and shakes his head.

“It’s not for me,” is all Dean says. He couldn’t care less about inline figure skating. It’s such an unknown thing that it’s not even worth going for all the trouble. No, figure skating isn’t the thing he’s supposed to be doing.

“Yet you were able to perform the right technique for a Salchow jump on your first time on ice,” Cas adds, and Dean stops skating then. He knows he’s glaring, but he just can’t help it.

“What are you implying here, Cas?” Dean asks bitterly, but then Cas shakes his head and sighs.

“Nothing, never mind. I’m just… probably making things up,” Cas answers. He starts to pick up his speed after that, but still seems a bit clumsy on his wheels. That’s probably going to stay for the first few times.

It takes a while for the two of them to start talking again. Cas is now mostly just trying to get used to the difference, but Dean notes that he’s not doing too poorly here. Sure, he could be faster, but his technique is certainly still there. Now, how different would it have been with figure skates instead of general inline skates?

After what must be twenty minutes or so Cas rejoins Dean again. His hands are now hidden in the pockets of his sweater, but his eyes are still pointed downwards. He might be a bit more used to it, but he clearly doesn’t trust the ground just yet.

“Will you show me?” Cas asks then. “The jump you wanted to do on the ice, can I see it, here?”

Dean hesitates then, almost fearing the result of showing that jump to him. He might just jump to conclusions again like he did earlier, right? Sure, it’s not _that_ hard to do the jump, he’s done it plenty of times before – it’s not even the hardest one he knows – but now that he _actually_ has an audience, hesitation comes quickly.

Those big Novak-eyes should be forbidden, though. Dean rolls his eyes when he finds that he can’t resist those gigantic blue oceans staring at him with all the pleading in the world, making him look like a damn puppy that just wants to get his cookie. Dean groans, but then lets out an agreeing sigh.

Without much hesitation, Dean turns around, continuing skating backwards for a moment. Cas is standing still where Dean left him, studying him intently the same way Jimmy often does whenever Dean used to show him tricks.

Right, he can do this. He continues skating backwards, makes sure his left foot is turned inwards, and then he pushes himself off the ground, ending up making three flips instead of the two he’s planned. He touches down without a problem, and then skates on for a few more seconds before joining Cas once more.

The other skater looks perplexed; having his mouth fallen open in such surprise that Dean almost wonders he broke him.

“Cas, are you alright?” while shaking his hand in front of Cas’ eyes to get his attention back. The other skater simply nods, but he doesn’t close his mouth until Dean does it for him by pressing his finger underneath his chin. “Careful or the flies might get in.”

“You were so… I didn’t know you could move like that, Dean?” Cas asks in awe. Dean sighs, knowing he shouldn’t have showed him this at all. Why did he do it, really? To show off? To impress him? Dean should really rethink his life choices.

“Yeah, whatever,” Dean mumbles. He gets himself to the side to take off his skates. It’s been long enough now, and that jump didn’t really help with his ribs – sure, they were healing quickly at first, but now they seem stuck to that same phase; ‘let’s hurt Dean whenever he least expects it’.

Cas eventually joins him, and after taking off the skates again, Dean puts them back where he found them. His mood has turned sour in just a few seconds, but he knows he can’t blame Cas for it. It’s not the guy’s fault, really.

When they’re heading back to the car, Dean allows Cas to put his skates in the trunk. It’s only ten in the evening, quite early for them to head out again. Cas probably even still has a bus that he can catch, but Dean doesn’t really mind the company right now.

“Say, I was planning on getting some pizza, since I haven’t actually eaten yet. You want to join?” Dean asks after a few minutes of driving. He doesn’t want to be a complete ass who is going to ignore Cas the entire time.

“Ah, that sounds good. I haven’t eaten yet, either,” Cas says with a shrug. Dean nods and takes a different turn than normal, getting himself to the center of town instead of heading home. Much to his luck, the pizza-place is almost empty. He finds a good parking spot, locks his car, and then the two of them get inside.

When they make their orders, they have to wait fifteen minutes for it to be ready, so the two of them get something to drink and then take a seat at one of the empty tables. Dean took a coke, while Cas is drinking water.

“So, when do you head out again?” Dean asks.

“I leave the twenty-third of March. It’s in China this time,” Cas explains before drinking from his water. Then he clears his throat and frowns for a moment. “Why did you move to Pontiac?”

Oh, Dean understands, they’re doing that thing again where they ask questions in turns. Fine, Dean can live with that.

“Uhm, my old man died from liver failure about five years ago. The following year I’ve spent taking care of my little brother, and after that we agreed that he would go to college, and I would go to some family we have left here. I moved in with Ellen and Jo for the first year, and after that I got my own place.”

Cas nods, and it’s clear that he wants to ask more, but it’s not his turn. Dean smirks.

“Why did you choose Figure Skating?”

Cas drops his glass again and clears his throat once more. His eyes go to the waiter who passes them by, but then he nods.

“I was watching a competition on television. It was a program with pair-skating, and I found it so beautiful that I wanted to do nothing else. After a while, my mother signed me in for classes. I must have been about five at the time.”

“But have you ever done pair-skating then?” Dean asks before he knows it, and Cas just smirks.

“For that, I’ll get to ask two questions in a row as well,” he says. “But yes, I’ve tried it. It was good, but you need to have a good partner for it. Balthazar and I have done it once or twice, but we couldn’t go in competition with it since the pairs need to be male-female.”

“That sucks,” Dean mutters, sagging his shoulders a bit. He indicates for Cas that he can ask his two questions, and the other man seems to be thinking then. He leans back in his seat, puts a hand on his chin, and makes a pensive sound.

“Will you tell me about your last competition? About what happened?” Cas tries, and it’s clear that he’s trying to be careful here. Dean wants to be angry, he really does, but he can see how unsure Cas is being here.

In the end, he can say a little bit about it, right? He just doesn’t have to tell him everything. The details don’t really matter.

“I was making such good progress that my teachers invited my dad again. My trainer and I had been practicing almost daily, and I was advancing really quickly. I was proud to show my father what I was able to do, but it turned out he had another idea. He was so incredibly drunk, and in the middle of my program he started shouting and screaming, ordering that I needed to come back home. I was disqualified from the competition, and was taken home against my will.”

“I’m sorry that happened,” Cas says truthfully, and for a moment Dean swears he can see his hand twitch, as if it’s hesitating to rest on Dean’s for comfort. Dean just shakes his head.

“Nah, it’s okay. He allowed me to continue training, just not as intensive as before. After that, I knew I could kiss the greater competitions goodbye.”

Cas just nods, but he keeps his mouth shut as he thinks about his next question. Dean just clears his throat while he waits, sitting back in his chair and pulling his arms behind his head.

“How about previous lovers? I mean, you know about me and Balthazar, but I don’t know anything about you?” Cas then asks, leaning forward on the table a bit, and resting his head in his hands. There’s a light smile on his face that almost looks like a grin.

Dean rolls his eyes. That question is really just such a cliché, really.

“I’ve had high-school sweethearts I would say, but I can’t say I’ve really been in love with them. I mean, Lisa and Cassie were nice and cute, but I guess they just never were _it_ for me. The sex was great, though.”

Cas raises his eyebrow at the mention of sex, and Dean remembers the way the guy thinks about that. He then just shrugs; just because Cas thinks of it his way doesn’t mean that Dean agrees with it. He can understand it, sure, but it’s just not for him.

“I was a horny teenager, okay? Might even have had quite a few one-night stands. But after dad died, things changed. I stopped picking up chicks from bars, quit flirting with every girl I come across. Not that I’ve been a saint for the past five years, I mean I still have needs, but it just doesn’t happen all that much anymore. And to get an actual girlfriend… no, I don’t think that’s really for me.”

“Why not?”

“No, it’s my turn again,” Dean says, holding out his finger to stop him from talking. Cas snorts, but then shrugs.

Dean doesn’t get to ask his question, though, when their order is called out. Dean gets up, pays for both pizzas (“I’m serious Cas, it’s on me!”), and then the two head back to the car. But even as he starts driving again, another question doesn’t come to mind. What’s the next thing he can ask Cas?

“When did you realize you were attracted to men?” Dean asks without thinking of it. That’s not really the question he wanted to ask, but he’s got a lack of inspiration right now.

Cas just looks at him for a few seconds before turning his head away.

“Uhm, I’m not attracted to men,” Cas mumbles with a shrug. Dean then frowns.

“But what about Balthazar then?” he asks in confusion.

“No, I mean, I get what you’re trying to ask me. You’re right; I do have a preference for men. I’m just not _attracted_ to them,” he clarifies. “Romance and attraction are two completely different things. I was never attracted to Balthazar, yet I still fell in love with him.”

Dean nods, thinking he understands it for now. It’s actually something very complicated, really. He’s not sure he’ll ever completely understand it, but he thinks he gets it a little bit.

“But you _can_ be attracted to somebody? Last time you said it just didn’t come easily to you?”

“True, it only happened once in my life so far. People like me, we only start to feel attraction when we form a certain bond with someone. I was with Michael for two years, maybe, but we broke it off when he moved to college and I started to take figure skating more seriously. We’re still on friendly terms, now.

“But to answer your actual question, I guess I was about fifteen, fell in love with a boy from my class. Never worked out, though, but that’s when I figured it out.”

Dean nods again, and turns in a street that will lead to Cas’ house. His original plan had been to go to his own house, but then he would have to drive Cas back. This way is only logical.

No more questions are asked after that. Cas invites Dean inside, and they take place on the couch where Cas starts up a movie for them to watch. He offers Dean something to drink – not beer, since he still needs to drive – and after that, they watch the screen.

It’s a comedy, Dean finds, and there are a few moments where he almost chokes on a piece of pizza whenever something hilarious just happened. He doesn’t know which movie it is, but Cas has certainly chosen it well.

The movie is over after midnight. Dean starts working again tomorrow – or today now, officially – so it might be best for him to just head to bed. He helps Cas with cleaning up a bit, and after that announces that he’ll make his leave.

He doesn’t expect the sudden hug when he’s standing at the door, but he’s not that much of an asshole to push Cas away. Instead, he returns the gesture, and softly pats Cas on the back.

“I’ll see you, Cas,” Dean says with a smirk, and after that they pull away.

Even in bed, the hug still lingers on Dean’s mind, but he doesn’t really have an idea why it does.

 

* * *

 

 

The next time Dean goes to the ice skating rink must be about a few days after he they ate pizza. Both of them had been practicing for the past few hours, and Cas had sent him a message to ask if he could get a ride – maybe they should just make up a schedule, since Dean ends up driving Cas home almost all the time.

The Championships are still a few weeks away, but Dean knows Cas is extremely nervous about his performance ever since he got himself to third place, since he seems to be practicing even harder than before.

By the time Dean gets inside the cold space that holds the ice rink, Dean can see Cas do a few spins on the ice, body bent backwards in that typical way of his, and his arms going along gracefully. Dean just never manages to describe what he sees when he sees him move like that. It almost looks like magic to him, and it’s almost as if looking at him for too long would put somebody in a spell. But, at the same time, it’s also impossible to take his eyes away.

He doesn’t greet Cas, instead looks to the side where he can see Cas’ stuff ready. The pair of skates that Dean usually uses is already lying there, ready to be put on. Dean snorts, wondering why Cas would just assume that Dean would get on the ice like that? Dean didn’t say that he was planning on it, so preparing the skates seems a bit far-fetched, right?

Or maybe Cas just knows him better than Dean thinks, and that might actually be a bit scary.

Dean grabs the skates before Cas notices him, and then he moves to the warm space of the changing room. It smells like sweat and stinking feet, just like it always does, but the benches are free and the floor isn’t wet from skates passing over them all the time. He quickly takes off his shoes, grabs his gloves from his coat, and prepares himself to get on the ice.

It’s strange as always when Dean steps inside the rink. He keeps his hands to the side, and tests the slipperiness of the ice underneath his blades. By now, Cas seems to have noticed his presence, but he keeps on standing in the middle instead of joining him.

“Hello Dean, I’ll just wait here for you!”

The asshole.

After one round, Dean’s pretty much used to it again, though, so he gets away from the sides and approaches Cas with slow movements and hands ready just in case he would fall anyway. Cas is just staring at him with a smirk on his face. The bastard looks way too smug here, but Dean takes comfort in the memory of Cas’ hesitation when he was put in inline skates a few days ago.

“How was your day?” Cas asks the moment Dean is at his side. Instead of standing still, now he starts moving again, twisting and turning his arms in those smooth ways of his as he practices some more without really moving forward.

“It was fine, got to see Jo being stalked by two men and then putting the fear of God in them,” Dean says with a chuckle. It had been quite a sight, too; Jo had been waiting for a while, bringing drinks back and forth. When one of the two men had grabbed her by the ass, she literally pushed his face against the table and told him some creepy stuff in whispering words. Dean has often asked what she exactly tells them during these situations, but Jo mostly shrugs and says that she just puts the fear of God in them. That’s why they now usually use that description whenever something like this happens again.

“Before that, it was a calm day at the garage. Bobby seemed grumpy as ever, and a car came in where I don’t even know where to _begin_ with the reparations! There’s almost nothing left to use!”

Cas is quiet while he listens to Dean, and hums at the appropriate times. The frown on his face is obvious, though. His eyes are staring deeply into the ice, continuously doing the movements he wants to practice, and his breathing is starting to get hard and loud.

He seems nervous, Dean quickly notes.

“Cas, are you alright?” Dean asks then while putting a hand on Cas’ shoulder, making him stop in his tracks. His arms stay up in the air, but his big blue eyes seem shocked, as if he’s surprised Dean would even notice his distress.

“I’m fine,” Cas says. It’s obviously a lie.

“C’mon Cas, what’s wrong?” Dean then urges on. He crosses his arms and tries to appear stern, but he’s not sure he’s managing there. Cas still does let out a sigh in defeat and lowers his arms while shaking his head.

“After the last competition… I fear for my result at the championships,” Cas mumbles out in clear embarrassment. It seems like his position on third place has left quite a mark on him, somehow. Others would have been pleased to even be allowed on the podium, but it turns out that, being on the first place for five years in a row… yeah, suddenly ending up third might burn indeed.

Dean gives Cas a long look, wondering if there’s any way for him to help him find a release for all this stress. Without warning him, Dean takes a hold of Cas’ hands, holding one in each of his own. Cas frowns at him in confusion, opening his mouth to ask what he’s doing but interrupted by Dean.

“Before my competitions back in the day, my coach made me do these exercises with her or with the other skaters. They’re not scientifically proven to work or anyting, but they did help me to calm my mind whenever I was worried.”

Cas doesn’t say anything, but he does nod. When Dean starts moving them into a spin, Cas just follows him with it. Together they turn around silently. Cas has his eyes pointed to the floor. Dean is just looking at Cas.

“Now, tell me something about yourself,” Dean says gently. He notices the light squeeze Cas’ hands give him, and he squeezes them back in assurance.

“What do you want to know?” Cas asks quietly. Dean just shrugs during the spin.

“I don’t know, what did you study in college?”

Cas finally looks up, his eyes meeting Dean’s and not letting go. He does still appear nervous, but the frown on his face is now at least gone.

“English literature,” Cas answers shortly. “But I took additional ballet-courses with it as well.”

“And did you like college?” Dean asks on. He offers Cas a short smile when he looks unsure to answer for a moment.

“It was fine, but my trajectory was a bit longer since I was a professional ice skater at the time, as well,” Cas explains. Dean then nods again and lets go of one hand before guiding Cas along on the ice. It’s a bit awkward since Cas is more used to this type of skating than Dean is, but it doesn’t look like Dean seems to mind.

It goes on like this for a while. Dean asks Cas random questions that get short answers in return. Sometimes they spin on the ice again, sometimes they just travel over it. After what must be ten minutes of doing this, Dean finally lets go of his hands and gently skates backwards to the side. He had spotted the remote control for the radio there, so that’s where he’s headed.

“Now I want you to perform your program for me. The one you messed up. Show it to me, the way it’s supposed to be done.”

And Cas nods, visibly relaxed. He gets in position, and Dean just randomly presses play until he finds the right song.

This, the way he moves this time; there’s an obvious difference with what Dean had seen on the TV screen back at the bar. There’s a lack of grin on Cas’ face, a looseness in his muscles that Dean doesn’t think he has seen before. Cas moves with much more confidence than before, as if the music is his own. He looks stronger, happier.

More like a winner.

His jumps are perfect, his performance is impeccable. Dean can’t count all the times he gasps in awe upon seeing him move the way he does. The two and half minutes go by before Dean can really grasp it, and in the end he’s met with the image of Cas in the middle of the rink, gasping for breath at the sudden exhaustion of his perfect performance.

Dean turns off the radio to make sure that the next song won’t play before joining Cas back in the middle. There he’s met with what looks like an emotional Cas. His eyes are red, but there’s a bright smile on his face. He appears proud.

“That must have been the best performance of you I’ve seen so far,” Dean tells him happily. Cas’ hands are now resting on his mouth, as if he can’t really believe it, himself. Then he shakes his head, and throws his arms around Dean in a strong embrace.

“Thank you, Dean, for me grounded when I need to be,” Cas whispers against his ear. Dean’s eyes widen in surprise, but his lips go up as well. This isn’t an all too unpleasant feeling, really. Cas feels strong and warm against him, despite the cold atmosphere they’re currently in.

“You’re welcome, Cas,” Dean answers calmly. He wraps his own arms around Cas quietly, and rests his own head against Cas’. He doesn’t know how long they’re standing there like this, but this instance, letting go seems like the last thing he wants to do.

And if that scares him a little bit, nobody needs to know, really.


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before this chapter begins, I want to thank everybody who has left a comment on this story. You're all big sweethearts, and knowing that the story is appreciated really helps with writing! Thank you all <3
> 
> No specific warnings for this chapter, though maybe drunk Cas, again?

It’s been an uneventful day so far.

Extremely uneventful, up until a point of course.

Dean started his shift at the garage at nine, and mostly spent his time trying to repair some idiot’s silver BMW in urgent need of a tune-up. It’s the first car he took on this morning, having planned for it to be a quick job. Much to his surprise, he was completely wrong.

Other than dirtying up his fingers underneath a broken vehicle, Dean found himself seated at Bobby’s desk, filling in paperwork for his days of absence and his request to get a few weeks off in March. Usually around that period, Dean drives over to Sam’s place back in Stanford, and he stays there for a while. Until now, they haven’t made any plans for it yet, but Dean prefers to be sure that the weeks are available if they would end up agreeing to do it again.

Bobby’s been quiet this whole week, but he seems even more so today, Dean notes when he finishes off his last document and puts them in the folder they need to be in. He already knows Bobby is going to give him the time off; they’ve got enough people working in this place to manage being one man short, and March isn’t exactly the time where lots of people ask for time off. The papers are mostly just for assurance and proof in case it would be necessary.

So, his silent staring can’t possibly be about Dean taking his traditional leave in March, right? Surely, something else must be bothering the old man enough that he wouldn’t even start chewing Dean off for slacking off with the documents.

“You okay, Bobby?” Dean asks when he returns from the fridge to find the man still staring. It’s starting to make him feel uneasy, and right now he wonders if he should just get out of there, go back to work until his shift is over.

“I had a little conversation with Ellen a little while back. She mentioned something about you,” Bobby starts after a few long silent seconds of staring. His head is resting on his hands, and he’s leaning forward on his desk, eyes squinted so tightly they’re almost closed.

“Yeah? What did the missus say?” Dean asks. Whatever it is, it mustn’t have been all that good. Otherwise Bobby wouldn’t be regarding him with such a long intensity. Dean feels a chill pass through his body, but he shakes his head. Surely, it can’t be that bad. What on Earth did Dean even do that would be so horrifyingly wrong?

“She mentioned something about a boyfriend? Who was an international figure skating champion?” Bobby tries, and Dean feels his face heat up instantly. What the hell is he even on about? Didn’t Dean even correct her last time he saw her? He really thinks he did? The woman had even rolled her eyes, shrugged and then nodded before saying ‘sure, of course, Dean’.

“What?” Dean hears himself peep out when the words seem to fail him. Bobby ignores him.

“I just wonder why you didn’t tell me? Don’t tell me you would be afraid I would get angry about something like that? I ain’t like yer daddy, boy. I’m not gonna be an asshole about it like him.” Bobby keeps on ranting on, sounding extremely disappointed in him. It stings, extremely. Especially when Dean didn’t even do anything wrong. Letting Bobby down is just something he doesn’t wish to do, ever.

“Bobby, seriously, Cas is not my boyfriend. I told Ellen this last time I saw her,” Dean quickly splutters out before Bobby can rant on, express all the disappointment he feels in Dean. His hands are held up in the air as he starts to explain. “Cas is Jimmy’s twin brother. We’ve just been hanging out a lot since Jimmy got married, but that doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship. Seriously, I’m not…”

But he can’t finish that sentence when he sees Bobby’s unimpressed look appear on his face. His arms are crossed, chin up, and his eyes are pointed directly to him.

“C’mon boy, just tell the truth,” Bobby says, and Dean sighs before rolling his eyes as well. He sits down on the desk, making sure that he doesn’t screw up the documents lying on it, and then he takes a deep breath.

“I promise you, Bobby, that Cas is not my boyfriend, nor has he ever _been_ my boyfriend. He’s just a good pal, and nothing more.”

Bobby looks at him for what almost feels like an eternity. His eyes are studying every inch of his face, trying to detect any glimpse of a lie that could be hidden in there. But Dean isn’t lying, so he’s not afraid here. Surely, Bobby would believe him.

Eventually, Bobby just huffs and shakes his head before getting back up. He walks back to his door, and points towards the garage where the others are already working.

“Fine I believe you. Now get back to work while I make sure you’ll get yer time off,” Bobby says. Dean can’t help but smile, and gently slaps him on the shoulder on his way out. He knew Bobby would see reason here.

He’s got a long day ahead of him, still. After his shift at the garage finally ends, he still has the late shift at the Roadhouse that he needs to take care of. That one starts around nine, meaning that he has five hours to fill.

Normally, Dean would go to the training center, get some skating done. Today, that’s not a possibility since the club has organized an actual competition for the groups. It’s nothing big, and the medals aren’t even real gold, but it’s fun and entertaining enough. Jimmy is there, so Dean could maybe just stop by and have a look, but he doesn’t know how long he could stand being there before ending up bored out of his mind.

Once Dean is outside again, leaving the garage behind him, he quickly checks his phone to see the time. It’s only five minutes past four, and he’s got three messages so far. All three of them are from Cas.

**_The clubs are practicing today, I wanted to get more training done but now I can’t._ **

**_I dared going inside to try, still. I might have interrupted their classes when the kids all wanted pictures with me._ **

**_When you’re finished working, you should come over. The clubs are planning on playing hockey and maybe you’d like to join._ **

Dean snorts and shakes his head before silently agreeing to Cas’ request. The ice rink sounds fun enough to pass his time. Besides, it would be hilarious to see how starstruck the kids can be when they’ll see Cas there.

There’s no hesitation on his way to the skating rink. There’s no more snow lying on the ground, more cars on the road, and the sky is no longer turning dark already at this hour. Spring is coming back soon. Good, winter might be fun with the snow, but Dean could use some warmth again. His bills might even agree with that.

It takes Dean a bit by surprise when there’s somebody actually sitting at the reception this time. It’s a man, probably in the thirty, looking as if he can figure one thousand things to do that are more fun than this. Dean nods at him while passing, but then finds that the gate won’t open for him. He takes a step back in surprise.

“Yeah, unless you have a member’s pass, it’s three dollars entry, and five more dollars to rent skates,” the man mumbles dryly with a smirk pointed at Dean, as if he’s laughing at him. Right, Dean hasn’t been here during opening hours, so he had no idea, really.

“Uh, right,” Dean mumbles as he fishes out his wallet from his back pocket, and takes out the required cash. At least the entry isn’t too expensive, otherwise Cas could just kiss hanging out today goodbye. The man offers him a ticket, and then presses a button that lets the gate open.

“Enjoy your skating, sir,” the man says. Dean just frowns but then shakes his head. So the guy might be a bit of an asshole. No biggy, there are surely worse things in the world.

It’s obvious that there’s a whole new crowd on the skating rink. The place is divided in two; one half is reserved for the lessons, and the other half is reserved for the free skaters. Dean can see Cas already skating lazily on the free part, but it’s obvious that he can’t do much with all these impossible youngsters on the ice. Dean snorts, watching how one of the kids almost skates against Cas, who is practicing his spin.

The changing room has a whole other audience to it. Here and there are a few kids, seated while they remove or put on their skates. On the hangers are a few backpacks, most clearly with happy colors for kids. After getting his skates – though these are different from the ones Cas often brings – Dean finds himself a free spot and quickly changes. It’s five ‘o’ clock on a Saturday. Surely, lessons will be over soon, right?

Dean lets out a breath when his skates are on again. He hangs his coat on a free hanger, makes sure his shoes are safely tucked away, and then he fishes out his gloves – which he now automatically leaves in his coat, apparently.

Right. Let’s get going.

Dean gets up, avoids a few screaming children who don’t want to leave the ice yet, and gets into the cold atmosphere of the arena. It’s strange, seeing it so crowded for once. On the sidelines, parents are sitting, watching their kid perform during their lessons. Dean spots a few teenagers almost making out, as well. Other parents – the smarter ones – have put themselves in the tribunes, where they can check out their child in the warmth of the cafeteria with a cup of coffee.

It’s loud and noisy. If there’s music playing, Dean can’t hear it. He looks for Cas on the ice, and quickly spots the guy falling down but getting himself up again soon after that. Right, that’s where Dean needs to go; in the middle of the rink, without doing a round to get used to the ice. With all these crazy kids on the ice. How was this a good idea again?

“If it isn’t the barman,” a deep voice says behind Dean, who turns around in surprise. He wouldn’t have thought anybody would recognize him, but clearly he was wrong. Seeing who is standing there also isn’t really the best thing in the world.

“Ah, Balthazar, right?” Dean asks, trying not to sound too much like a jerk. Balthazar is dressed in a black long-sleeved shirt and dark blue training pants. He’s wearing dark skates, as well, and he’s looking at Dean with a very unimpressed look.

“Right, he told you of me,” Balthazar says. Dean notes that he has a strong British accent on in his voice. He’s slightly tanned, but it couldn’t be from the sunlight since there hasn’t been any lately. “I wouldn’t have imagined you to skate as well? It’s surprising how small the world is, really.”

Though the look he’s giving Dean’s rental skates isn’t all that friendly. It’s more like he’s mentally spitting on them, cursing their existence. They’re not too bad for Dean, but he can imagine what a figure skater would think of it.

“I skate, yeah,” Dean says, but he doesn’t mention what kind of skating he does. He doesn’t really want this guy to know him all that well. “Is there anything you wanted to tell me?”

Dean wonders why it is that he’s had to ask so many questions like that, lately. People have just been staring at him, behaving weirdly around him, and he always has to fish after any sort of explanation. He’s also sure that the reason _why_ Balthazar decided to talk to him is not just to say hello.

“Yes, according to my colleagues, I’ve been a bit of an ass last time you saw me,” Balthazar says, and he sounds like he’s actually pained to talk about this. He doesn’t really seem like the type to throw out apologies. “I don’t remember much of it, but they told me I… might have forced myself on Cassie.”

“Yeah, if by forcing yourself on him you mean that you were trying to make out with him without giving him room to breathe, then sure, call it that,” Dean mutters back. Balthazar throws him a glare, but then sighs.

“I’ve been trying to apologize, but he’s been avoiding me. So instead, I wanted to apologize to you.”

Okay, now Balthazar has lost him. What is he on again?

“Excuse me?” Dean asks in confusion. He crosses his arms and shakes his head. “Why would you apologize to me? You did nothing to me?”

Balthazar shrugs. “I might have kissed your partner right in front of you. Sounds like an asshole move to me. I’m surprised you didn’t break my nose or anything.”

Dean sighs, and rolls his eyes again. Really? Twice in one day? How long is this gonna keep on going? He’s tired of explaining this already.

“Everybody should stop jumping to conclusions, really. Cas and I are _not_ in a relationship. I am not-“

“Dean!”

Both men turn their heads towards the skating rink, where Cas seems to have noticed him at last. He’s happily waving at him, but staying on his spot in the center, probably because of Balthazar. Dean gives him a short wave in return, and then faces Balthazar once more.

“Listen, I’m not going to tell you to stay away from him, what happened between you two is still something _between you two_ , and I’m not meddling in that. But the guy was finally over you – so he told me. You smooching him up the lips probably wasn’t really what he needed right then.”

And then Dean moves to leave Balthazar’s side. It’s slow and uneasy, since walking with skates isn’t that easy.

“You’re really blind, aren’t you?”

Dean turns around again, raising an eyebrow and staring at Balthazar in confusion.

“Pardon me?”

“He’s falling, Dean. The question is; are you going to catch him, or are you going to make him touch the ground?” So now Balthazar is speaking in riddles. The guy claps his hands together and then sighs.

“Did you just unleash a curse on me or whatever? What’s with this mystical prophetic crap?” Dean mumbles, and Balthazar then glares at him again. After that, the skater makes his leave, and Dean, too, is reminded that somebody is waiting for him on the ice. He turns again, getting himself on the ice and making sure that he doesn’t fall on his face. He’s carefully slow, especially with the kids skating around him like they’re all trying to be the fastest on the rink. On the other half of the rink, Dean can see Hannah busy with teaching things to the kids. Balthazar is joining his own group again.

Huh, Dean didn’t know he was a teacher?

“What did Balthazar want?” Cas asks when Dean finally gets to him. Dean holds out his hands to keep stable, but he doesn’t really dare to move too much. When he looks at Cas in front of him, he’s almost envious at the ease in his stance. He’s much more used to this than Dean is.

“Told me he wanted to apologize to you,” Dean says, leaving out the whole other part of crap Balthazar told him. Cas doesn’t need to know that, right? Cas just scoffs and shakes his head, throwing the other half of the rink, where Balthazar is currently teaching a group, a long glare.

“The ass, he shouldn’t involve you with this,” Cas mumbles. Dean wants to answer something to it, but the words Balthazar just spoke are still ringing loudly inside his head.

‘ _He’s falling, Dean_.’ Cas seems alright by Dean? It doesn’t look like he’s feeling uneasy or anything? Sure, he’s been more nervous with every day the competition gets nearer, but other than that he’s been acting just fine? Even Jimmy hasn’t noticed anything horribly wrong with him?

“Hey, are you alright, Cas?” Dean asks then, suddenly worried about his friend. He really does want to help him if he needs it, but first Dean needs to know what the matter is.

Cas just tilts his head in confusion. “Yes, Dean, I’m alright. Why do you ask?”

See, there’s nothing to worry about here. Cas is perfectly fine. But no matter how much he tries, Dean can’t seem to shake this strange feeling off of him. He’s aware of Balthazar’s eyes on them, having caught it a few times whenever he looked over.

“Nah, it’s just… the competition is getting closer, and I wanted to know how you were doing, is all,” Dean says in a shrug. Cas’ frown deepens, but he doesn’t say anything about it. It’s obvious that he doesn’t really believe Dean in what he’s saying, but luckily he doesn’t press on.

Instead he takes Dean’s hand out of his coat and starts skating backwards, pulling Dean along with him. The other man lets out a small sound of surprise. Dean’s barely on the ice for two minutes; he’s not ready to mess around like that just yet.

“C’mon I’m gonna teach you stuff,” Cas says enthusiastically. Dean wants to say something in return, point out that he can skate well enough, thank you very much, but he’s mostly too focused on staying up right now.

The kids around them skate on, seemingly going faster every time Dean sees them. If he had been on his inline skates, it would probably have been the same. Right now he just needs to get used to it again.

Cas is patient enough, though, and after ten minutes of skating around with Cas’ hand in his own, Dean feels a bit more stable already. He wonders if he should pull away now, or if Cas doesn’t want to let go of the hold? Other kids are already staring at them, Dean notes. A few of the figure skaters on the free track even hold up their phone to take a shot of them. Cas maybe doesn’t notice it, but Dean does.

So eventually, Dean pulls his hand back, and rests his own on his hips while trying to appear tall and strong. “Now, show me what you want to teach me, master Novak,” he says jokingly. Cas looked a bit strange when Dean let go of their hold, but now he’s smirking again. He clears his throat, and starts explaining.

The way Cas teaches ice skating… sure, Dean knows the basics well enough, but even if he hadn’t, surely after watching and listening to Cas he would have managed to do anything he told him. Cas is calm, patient and kind, and he doesn’t hesitate to show him the way it’s supposed to happen whenever Dean isn’t really aware of it.

Now, Dean knows most of the jumps. He learned them all long ago, but he never really kept track of that for a long while. Sure, jumping and practicing with all these speed-devils around isn’t easy and almost even dangerous. One time Dean touched down on the ground perfectly, only to have a kid slam in to him because she wasn’t watching where she was going.

“I would almost say you’ve done it before,” Cas says after finishing up with the last thing he had planned for today. Dean checks the clock, to see that it’s almost six. He still has time. He drops down on the ice and tries to catch his breath for a while, having forgotten how exhausting practicing like this really is.

“Heh, it’s not new, no,” Dean says, looking up at Cas and offering him a smile. His ass is starting to get cold already, but he doesn’t want to get up just yet. When Cas holds out his hand to pull him back up, Dean instead pulls him down, making Cas fall over his lap with a funny sound.

“Dean!” Cas complains when he tries to scramble up, but his hands are slipping on the ice and his legs are being held by a very mischievous Dean. The free rink is now much less crowded, mostly used by more individuals who came to practice with their coach. The classes next to them are now finishing up, so it seems.

“What? I thought you were the master of the ice?” Dean jokes at Cas, chuckling when Cas scrambles once more before giving up and dropping all his weight over Dean’s lap. “Huh, now you look like you’re ready to get spanked.”

“Shut up,” Cas mumbles, but he does try to turn around onto his back after that. Dean lets him, allowing him to get up again. His ass is almost freezing off, anyway. When Cas is back on his feet, he offers Dean a hand. When Dean wants to take it, Cas pulls it away again. “Nah, you’ve been an ass. Get up on your own.”

He’s not mad, he’s still smiling. Dean just shakes his head with a smirk and does try to get up on his own. It’s not that different from getting up with inline skates. Even without Castiel’s help he manages.

“Hey Castiel, we’re going to do that hockey-game, you and your friend want to join?” somebody from the side shouts. The two men turn around, seeing that all the kids have left the ice, and now the instructors and other grown-ups are filling up the half of the rink. These must be the members of the figure skating club, Dean notes. They’re all wearing the same sweater with the logo of the organization on it.

Dean and Cas share a short look, but then they shrug. After all, Cas _had_ mentioned in his text that they could be playing hockey afterwards. In a quick movement, get off the ice to get to the other side. Dean receives different types of materials and protective gear. Cas seems a bit confused at how to wear them, but Dean remembers well enough from when he did this back when he was younger. It’s all pretty much the same.

“I’ve never played hockey before,” Cas mumbles a bit in embarrassment, and Dean chuckles while he helps him get his stuff on. Cas looks almost scared to join in on the game, but Hockey _can_ appear a bit… savage sometimes.

“Well, it might look wild, but it’s a lot of fun. Just don’t poke your stick too high, okay?” Dean says gently while putting on his protective shin pads. Cas looks down in surprise when Dean pulls up the sleeves of his pants, but calms again when he notices it’s for the thick-ass pads. “These will protect your legs. These sticks might go everywhere, and with you in the competitive season it’s best that you’re protected as much as possible.”

Cas nods, but he doesn’t say anything when Dean rolls the pants back down again. After that, he hands Cas the elbow pads and helmet. Since it’s not an actual competition and it’s mostly a game with what Dean hopes are amateurs, they don’t need to go all the way for the get-up.

Dean struggles with his own shin pads, since his jeans aren’t stretching enough to accommodate to them. He almost even considers not putting them on, but he really doesn’t want to get any accident. Better to put them on the top, then. Once he’s ready as well, he can see Cas putting on the same sweater as the others. Hannah probably handed it to him, since she’s still standing there with her hand held out.

Dean remembers the woman well enough. She’s kind, friendly, and obviously head over heels for Cas. Dean even slightly feels bad for her that Cas doesn’t feel the same way.

“Ah, Dean, we’ve got one for you, as well,” Hannah suddenly says when she catches Dean standing there, looking at the two. She turns around and picks something up from the bench she was sitting on. When Dean sees that she’s holding one of the club’s sweaters, for a moment Dean wonders if he should accept it. He’s not one of them, would this even be right?

But Dean doesn’t really want to stand out that much, either, so with a grateful smile he accepts the clothing she offers him, and then he drops down his helmet to put it on, feeling its warmth immediately around him.

“Whoa, that’s a good sweater,” Dean says happily, seeing how Cas, too, looks extremely happy in it. The other man takes his own helmet in his hands again, and then puts it on top of his head. It seems a bit too big for him, but it looks adorable as hell.

Wait, what? Did Dean really just think that?

“Hey, come on! Let’s get the teams ready!” somebody on the ice shouts. Cas and Dean give each other a short look before they, too, get on the rink. Dean is used to carrying the hockey stick, but Cas seems to find it extremely unhandy. He’s mostly just letting it slide on the ice behind him before Dean snatches it out of his hands to make sure he doesn’t end up damaging it.

“C’mon dude, just hold it in your two hands,” Dean says, handing it back and showing how to do it. Cas nods once more and copies Dean, still looking uncomfortable as hell but at the same time quite enthusiastic

“Cassie, introduce us to your friend, will you?” somebody else asks then. Dean recognizes a few faces from the Roadhouse, but he wouldn’t be able to put names on any of them.

“Yes, this is Dean. He’s an inline skater and he works at the Roadhouse so you might have seen him before,” Cas says shortly with a shrug. Dean snorts, figuring Cas doesn’t find it easy to speak when all the attention is pointed towards him. To help him, Dean raises his hand in a short wave.

“Yo,” Dean greets. A few mutters are being spoken to each other, but Dean doesn’t pay too much attention to it. Instead he rests his elbow on Cas’ shoulder and leans on him. Cas frowns at him, but doesn’t push him away.

“So, you played hockey before?” one girl asks. She’s a redhead with a young, enthusiastic face. Her hair is short and curly, at least from what Dean can see underneath the helmet.

“Sure thing, I used to crush this one’s brother in it, as well,” Dean gloats, grinning widely while nodding towards Cas. “On the ice can’t be that much different, right?”

Cas is quiet, but Dean can hear him chuckle at the mention of Jimmy. The other players start discussing some things before everybody clears away and only two people are standing in the middle. So it’s going to be an obvious ‘pick your team’ thing they’re going to do here. That’s okay; grown-ups are mature enough not to get insulted by getting picked last. Dean wouldn’t even dare to let the kids at the skating club use this method, since it almost always ends up in tears.

Much to his surprise, Dean is chosen almost immediately by the redheaded girl, who Dean later on learns is called Charlie. The other man who is choosing, a dude called Inias, ends up picking Cas – who is obviously not everybody’s first choice. Cas doesn’t seem to mind, instead just apologizing to Inias and warning him that he wouldn’t be a very good player. When Dean sees that Cas is stuck in the same team as Balthazar, Dean wonders if Inias did that on purpose?

They go over the rules once more, mostly for Cas who has never played this before, and after that they all discuss their own strategy. Charlie is cool, letting Dean plan along and not treating him like an outsider at all. The rest of the team is… well, some are kind but others don’t really seem to approve of him. Maybe it’s the inline skating-thing that bothers them.

When the game starts, Dean is almost immediately in his element. The teamwork is surprisingly good, but the opposite team seems just as gifted – except for Cas who is clumsily following behind the puck but never really hitting it. Dean can’t help but chuckle each time that happens.

People fall. Dean slams in on a few guys of the opposite team, but Dean, too, ends up falling on his ass more often than not. Everybody’s friendly enough to help each other up, afterwards, but he’s sure most of them are going to have bruises after this.

It’s not very competitive, mostly just to have fun. Dean notes how Cas is slowly getting more comfortable, racing behind the moving puck after what must be twenty minutes of just mostly standing at the sidelines. He’s still not the best player, but he’s showing progress. Of course, Dean wonders if there’s anything on the ice that Cas can’t do?

At the final five minutes of the game, the scores are tied. They only need one more goal to decide who the winner is, and Dean is determined to make sure it’s his team. He moves relentlessly, picking up speed and evades the opposite group with such an agility that even his own team members seem a bit surprised at it.

Right before he gets to the goal, though, Cas throws his arms around Dean, throwing all his weight against him and pushing the two of them on the ground. Dean feels the air leave his lungs for a moment, but he quickly regains it, finding Cas lying on the ice next to him, not looking much better.

“What the hell was that?” Dean asks in a faked anger. Cas just catches his breath while shrugging, smirk clear on his face.

“Couldn’t let you win, of course,” Cas answers playfully. Dean has never been more glad that he’s wearing a helmet, otherwise this would surely have hurt.

In the end, Cas’ attempt at tackling Dean had been useless. Dean had given the puck one last push with his stick before being toppled on the ground. The keeper had been so surprised, that he hadn’t even seen the puck passing through his legs, and hitting the back of the goal. Despite Cas’ attempt, Dean’s team still won.

Cries of victory are made, and Dean is quickly pulled up and being ‘worshipped’ by his fellow team members. Charlie, especially, can’t seem to stop hugging him. Dean smiles, feeling warm on the inside at the idea that they seem to accept him so well right now.

Cas, too, seems to be getting the attention he deserves. The guy threw himself on the ground to try and prevent Dean from scoring, after all. Mostly he’s congratulated, and thanked for his effort. Balthazar wisely keeps his distance, Dean notes. Hannah starts fussing over him.

“You could have hurt yourself Castiel! You have a competition in two weeks, you shouldn’t be doing stuff like that!”

But Cas is smiling, making Dean smile as well in turn. It was a fun game. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be the last.

Most of them decided to go to the roadhouse afterwards. Dean, who has to be there anyway, doesn’t disagree to join in. Cas drives with him on their way there, his skates once again safely tucked away in the trunk next to Dean’s inlines. They don’t talk, but the silence is not uncomfortable.

When Dean arrives at the roadhouse, one and half hour before his shift officially starts, Ellen seems to be surprised. Especially when Dean doesn’t take immediate place behind the bar, but instead joins the group for a little chat. He gets to know Charlie a bit better, learning that she’s a coach as well, married with her longtime girlfriend Dorothy who works as a police officer.

By the time his shift starts, Dean loses the ability to control what Cas is drinking. He’s not that surprised when, an hour after he left his side, Cas is already sitting at the bar, with his head resting on the counter and blabbering on drunkenly about how the game had been unfair and that he almost ruined his skating career to make sure Dean wouldn’t win and shit like that. Dean knows he doesn’t really mean it, but it’s still quite funny to listen to.

“Ah, looks like you’re going to have to drive this one home again,” Jo jokes when she joins him behind the bar.

“Wouldn’t be a problem, but he would have to survive ‘till two. I think it’s better I call Jimmy for this,” Dean mumbles. He fishes out his phone to start up a call, seeing that he has a few messages from the guy already.

_ The competition’s fun, are you coming as well? The kids would be happy to see you ;-) _

_Krissy just won gold. You must be proud! ;-) _

_ Dude, are you just going to ignore me? Come on, get your ass here! _

_ Dean? Seriously, are you alright?  _

_ Fine, whatever, you ass. If I hear that you’ve been hanging out with my brother, I’m going to keep saying that he’s your boyfriend. That’s what you get from ignoring me.  _

Dean rolls his eyes, but instead of typing an answer, he dials up the number. It’s only ten in the evening, so surely Jimmy would still be awake.

 _“Hello? What’s this? You found your phone again?”_ Jimmy asks from the other side of the line the moment he wakes up. His voice sounds teasing. Dean sighs and shakes his head.

“Sorry dude, I was… busy. But I’m at work now, and your brother’s pretty drunk again. I would drive him home, but I don’t think he’ll manage ‘till two,” Dean explains quickly. Jimmy then starts laughing loudly, and Dean even has to pull the phone away from his ear for a while.

“ _Dean, you should really learn to stop giving him alcoholic drinks! He just needs two beers and he’s out, you know that!”_ Jimmy calls out loudly. Dean can hear some shifting on the other side, and he wonders if Jimmy is getting ready to head out.

“I didn’t give him anything! I think Charlie’s been sneaking drinks for him behind his back. I had noticed she’s been passing by more often,” Dean says, thinking back of how the young woman had been standing at the bar quite often, continuously requesting more drinks and kindly paying for them.

“ _Charlie? Have you met his friends already? What’s next, meeting our parents?”_ Jimmy asks. Great, so he’s going to be an ass about this again. “ _Besides, what were you so busy with, today? The competition was okay but it might have been more fun with you around.”_

Dean sighs again. He doesn’t want to lie to Jimmy. “I was at the ice skating rink. We played hockey.” And Dean might have learned some jumps from Cas, and might have skated together hand in hand for a while. Shit, Jimmy doesn’t need to know this.

“ _Okay, I’ll set up a meeting with our parents then. I’m sure they want to get to know their son-in-law before the actual wedding.”_

Dean closes his eyes and groans.

“James Novak just get your ass here and pick up your brother,” Dean snaps then right before hanging up. He might have been a bit too harsh there, but Jimmy has been getting on his nerves quite a lot, lately. Dean knows that normal friends would just have to talk this out, but Dean isn’t really one of those talking-types. He would just have to hope that, in time, Jimmy would just get tired of it and go back to the way it was before.

Before Dean met Cas… shit. So much has changed since then. They’ve been hanging out much less, especially now that Jimmy’s married. They barely skate together anymore, stopped teaching classes together just for fun. Jimmy has a wife now, maybe even plans to start a family. He has a fulltime job as a sales provider at AM radio, gives skating classes after his work-hours. His only free day is Sunday. The guy doesn’t have much free time at all.

Things had been much easier last year. Sure, Jimmy had two jobs back then, as well, but his hours were much less long and the classes were less crowded. Dean had been able to help him out whenever he couldn’t teach, so things mostly always worked out.

Maybe Jimmy is just teasing like this because he, too, has noticed the sudden distance between them. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it, either, but just starts behaving like a little shit to make his point?

“Ma brother’s an asssss,” Dean hears Cas slurring against the wood of the bar. His forehead is resting against his arm, and his fingers are dipping in a glass of water, occasionally pulling out so he can watch the drops fall down.

“Cas, you need to drink that, not play with it,” Dean mumbles as he pulls Cas’ hands away from the glass. Knowing him, he would accidentally tip it over, drop everything on the ground. And who would have to clean that up again? Right, Dean.

“I was wondrin’ Deannn,” Cas starts, ignoring Dean’s words. “Since when didy’ start call’n me Cas? I reaaaaally like that one more than Cassssssie.”

Dean stops in his tracks, taking in Cas’ words. Huh, the guy has a point. Since when did Dean indeed start calling Cas that way? He remembers at first that he just saw him as Castiel, but now that name would sound weird coming out of his own mouth.

“I… I don’t know,” Dean mumbles in confusion. He scratches his hair then and frowns, trying to think back of a moment where he made the change in his head. But he can’t. It’s almost as if it’s been _Cas_ since the beginning.

“Y’cant help making me feel special, can ye?” Cas continues. He looks up at Dean, and offers him a wide smile. Then he motions for Dean to come closer, so the other man does, a bit in hesitation. What could the guy possibly have to say to him? He shivers when he notices Cas bringing their faces close, feeling Cas’ breath against his cheeks.

He should pull back, make sure nothing will happen that they might regret. But he also wants to know what Cas has to say, right now. When the man’s lips are close to his ear, Cas finally starts.

“I’s actually gonna do sumthin else, but I think I have to puke,” Cas mumbles, and then he’s out of his seat and running outside with difficulty. The remaining people from the skating club watch him go in confusion, and Dean even notes Balthazar running after him without hesitation. Dean, on the other hand, just remains standing in surprise. He finds himself unable to move after that.

What was Cas planning to do?


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, we're getting somewhere!

It’s been a while since he’s been to a skating lesson. What with work and with the recent competition, Dean never really seemed to find the time to get himself to the training center and get some time on his wheels.

Okay, he might be exaggerating, it’s been three days only, and he’s been on the blades once since then. That needs to count for something, right?

Jimmy seems a bit surprised to see him arrive to the hall. Dean throws him a wave, and Jimmy smiles back at him. Good, at least that means Jimmy isn’t angry at Dean for letting him pick up Cas last night. Dean might have snapped at him on the phone, and he hasn’t really forgotten it.

“If it isn’t our beloved barman,” Jimmy greets him jokingly when Dean is in his skates and rolling himself towards the other man. Jimmy just receives an eyeroll in return.

“Shut up, your brother practically puked on the entire parking spot, and _I_ got to clean it afterwards. Ain’t anything beloved about that,” Dean grumbles, remembering how Ellen had glared at him when she saw Cas run outside to empty his stomach.

“ _You should stop getting him drunk all the time Dean! It’s irresponsible!”_

Luckily, Charlie had come to his rescue and explained that it was her fault. Ellen stopped yelling then, but still ordered Dean to clean up his mess. Once he had gotten outside with a bucket full of water, he could see Cas and Balthazar talking together a little further away from the vomit. Cas was leaning forward a bit, as if his stomach was still disagreeing with him. Balthazar just leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

Dean doesn’t know how long they had been talking. He doesn’t even know why it made him feel extremely angry to see the two of them together. All he remembers well enough is that immense feeling of gratitude when he saw Jimmy arrive in the drive-way and all but pulling Cas out of there. He didn’t seem _too_ friendly against Balthazar, but he did wave at Dean before disappearing again.

“Say, you didn’t seem too happy to see Balthazar there?” Dean tries. He’s actually curious as to what exactly his thoughts are about the man. His guess is correct when he sees Jimmy’s smile immediately turn into a scowl. His expression turns sour very quickly.

“That asshole needs to stay away from my brother. He’s only going to hurt him again,” Jimmy mumbles, faking a light smile when one of the kids passes them by, but immediately dropping it afterwards. “Cassie was heartbroken, and sometimes I believe he still is. But not really because of Balthazar anymore, just mostly at the idea of being alone again. He’s very sensitive, always afraid that he won’t be able to find anybody because of the way he is.”

“You mean the way he is about sexuality?” Dean asks in a frown. Jimmy throws him a long look, but then nods, though his eyes are throwing him that weird vibe.

“Yeah, that. He told you about that?” Jimmy asks in confusion. Dean just shrugs.

“I was working at the bar, Cas just came back from… uhm, Georgia I think it was?” Dean tries to think back, but he can’t really recall. “Anyway, Balthazar was celebrating with the rest of his group, and he was throwing us a death glare the entire time.”

“Huh,” Jimmy huffs as a reaction. He watches the kids perform what must be their last round while he motions towards them. “With the way he’s acting, one would say it’s _Cassie_ who dumped him, and not the other way around.”

“Weird guy,” Dean snorts, and then the kids have joined them in the middle. Some of them skate towards Dean with a happy sound, and two of them even wrap their arms around his middle and hold him in a strong hug. They’re almost acting as if they haven’t Dean anymore in a long while.

“Dean! You’ve been gone so long! Did you and Jimmy have a fight?” one of the younger girls asks. Dean recognizes Tyler, a happy blonde little girl, always with two braids in her hair.

“Of course not, Jimmy and I are best buds as always,” Dean says with a smirk, throwing his arm over Jimmy’s shoulder and pulling him closer. Jimmy normally pulls away then, throwing a smart remark. This time he doesn’t, though. Instead he passes his hand through Dean’s hair, and smirks as well.

“Yeah, he’s just been hanging out with my little brother. You should see them together, they’re just adorable!” Jimmy counters, and Dean lets go of him and gives him a small push, figuring bitterly that, no, Jimmy still isn’t tired of joking about it.

“Does your brother look a lot like you?” another kid asks. Jimmy nods.

“Yes, he’s my twin brother, after all. If you want, I can ask him if he wants to come over for a little while? He could surely use a break from practicing all the time,” Jimmy says with a grin, and then he pulls out his phone. “In the meantime, I want you all to practice on your backwards skating. Those of you who are scared to do that alone can ask Dean if he wants to skate with you. If he’s here, he should make himself useful, right?”

The kids agree with a loud shout, and then they start on their assignment. Tyler, a fairly young and new skater, takes Dean’s hand in her own and gives him a look with her big brown eyes. Dean gives her a light smile.

“Sure, come on,” Dean says, and together they start skating. She’s skating backwards, Dean forward. He’s just making sure that she stays up. There are a few times where she almost trips over her own feet, but after the second round, it seems like she’s gotten the hang of it. Dean then lets go of her hand to see if she can manage on her own from then on.

After Tyler, there are some other kids who have trouble with the backwards skating. They’re still at their first round, so Dean offers them his hand. With that, he has two kids on each side, and another one skating right in front of him.

It goes slowly, and they’re pretty much spending way too much time on it, but after everybody has finished their mandatory four rounds, Dean ends up on the ground again with all the kids on top of him.

Yeah, that’s their way of thanking him, Dean has learned quite early on.

“Look who’s here!” suddenly Jimmy calls out, and all the kids look up in surprise. One by one, they get off from the meat pile, and eventually, Dean finds the strength – and breath – to get himself up again. When he looks up, he can see all the kids quickly making their way to Jimmy and his brother, who is now standing next to him, looking awfully small without skates on.

Dean can’t help but chuckle, seeing how taken aback Cas appears from seeing all those kids approaching him. Dean can hear even from there that they’re all asking him questions; how much older than Jimmy is he? If he skates as well? Does he have kids of his own? The questions keep on going, as if Cas is the most special thing in an amusement park and everybody needs to have at least seen it before they can go on with their lives. Would they flip if Dean would reveal he’s actually a famous ice skater, as well?

Cas throws his brother a long look, as if he’s silently asking what exactly he’s doing here. Dean shakes his head as he skates forward, joining the group and patting Tyler over her helmet. She grins at him and takes his hand again, hanging on to him until Dean decides to just pick her up.

When Cas’ eyes land on Dean at last, the look of fear ebs away almost instantly. If his lips would keep down the smile, his eyes would have betrayed it instead. He gives Dean a short nod, and Dean returns the gesture with a salute of his own. Next to him, Tyler giggles, still holding on to him.

“Will you put on some skates as well? Jimmy can teach you, I’m sure of it,” Lucas little innocent voice says. When Dean met the kid, he never even dared to open his mouth. His mother had warned Jimmy that he had been very quiet after his father’s death. Now, two years later, Dean is glad to see such a big change in him.

“I don’t really-“ Cas starts in hesitation, eyes once again finding Dean’s.

“I don’t need to teach him. I’m sure Dean can manage that well enough,” Jimmy says while wiggling his eyebrows. Some of the kids make a knowing sound, and Tyler is almost jumping up and down in Dean’s arms.

“Hey, settle down!” Dean says bitterly, but none of the kids stop, instead pulling at Dean’s arms until he’s standing right next to Cas. They literally _rolled_ him to the guy. These kids are crazy, and spend _way_ too much time with Jimmy.

“C’mon, while the lovebirds do their thing, we actually have a class to continue,” Jimmy then says, obviously ending this conversation here. He claps in his hands, and nods towards the other side of the room. That means that they’re only going to use one half of the track, leaving the other half to Dean and Cas.

Dean lets go of Tyler, receives another hug from her – she’s a real affectionate kid, so it seems – and then he’s once again alone with Cas.

“Uh, hey,” Dean mumbles awkwardly. He can remember that one evening very well, but he still really hasn’t figured out what exactly happened. He doesn’t _want_ to know really, either. Dean hides his hands in the pocket of his pants, and looks down to the ground.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas starts, sounding uncertain as well. Good, so it’s not just Dean, then. “I feel like I need to apologize about last time. I don’t really remember much, but Jimmy told me you had to clean up my mess.”

Dean just shrugs. To be honest, the pile of puke Cas had left on the parking lot hadn’t really been his biggest concern back then. “It’s okay. But you’re getting a ban on alcohol from now on.”

It’s meant as a joke, but much to his surprise Cas nods in agreement.

“That must be for the best,” he mumbles. Dean offers him a light smile, figuring things shouldn’t been awkward between them. They’re still friends, after all. Instead he passes his hand through Cas’ hair, making it just as messy as Jimmy’s. Cas grumbles and pushes his hand away, but it’s already too late.

“So how about I fetch you some skates, and we’ll get some practice in, huh? Last time you taught me, now it’s my turn to teach you,” Dean says, adding a wink to that. Cas’ eyes widen, but eventually he nods. He turns around, and already heads for the place where they rent out skates. Dean then grabs his arm and shakes his head.

“No way, you’ll need to pay for them now. I got an extra pair in my trunk, and I think they would be better for you.”

Cas tilts his head to the side a bit, but then he nods again in agreement. “Okay, Dean,” he says calmly. Dean quickly skates to the side, picks out his coat and then fishes out the keys. After that, he hands them to Cas.

“You know my car. It’s in the trunk, in a black box. You’ll see it immediately,” Dean says when Cas takes the keys from him. Dean can’t really go since he’s still in his skates, but Cas can make a quick run.

“Good, I’ll be back, then,” Cas says, and he walks back to the exit. When he hears some distressed noises coming from the other side, Dean just makes a dismissive gesture.

“He’s just getting skates, don’t panic!” Dean answers back, loud enough for the kids to understand. Even from there, Dean can see Jimmy’s grin. Oh how he really wants to punch it right now. But that’s not what friends do, right?

When Cas eventually returns, he hands the keys back to Dean, who then in turns sets them once again on their rightful place in his coat. Then he nods towards the bench, where Cas takes a seat and opens up the box with the skates.

They’re practically a new pair, never really used. They are much lighter and thinner than Dean’s current ones, and much easier to do jumps and other tricks with. Dean doesn’t really know why he bought them all those years ago. They’ve been in the same box Dean bought them in, and have never even been worn.

“These are artistic skates. They’re much like your figure skates, meant for artistic inline skate – or figure skate, nobody’s really clear on the name, to be honest. I’ve had them for forever, but I never put them to use,” Dean explains, taking one out of the box and giving them a good look. It’s only lucky that they share the same foot size, otherwise this wouldn’t have worked.

“Dean, they’re beautiful,” Cas says, clearly in awe from the skate he now picks out of the box. He looks at them intently, taking in the black leather and the four snow white wheels. “What’s that in the front?”

“That’s a toe stop, or a toe pic. On the ice you can ‘pick’ yourself in the ice, but with inlines it’s not that easy. This helps with spins and jumps,” Dean clarifies. Cas nods and passes his hand over it, as if to test its sturdiness. Then he puts them back down in the box and starts undoing his shoes. Dean fishes out the skate, and starts loosening the laces to give Cas less work.

There’s a clear difference in Cas’ skating now, in comparison to last time Dean forced him in them. Cas is smiling, constantly mentioning how much lighter they feel compared to the last skates. He seems to appreciate them a great deal, and can’t stop looking at them.

He’s still unsure in them, though, so Dean’s not that much surprised when Cas keeps a hold of his arm while they start doing their round. Well, half their rounds, since the other half of the track is still in use by Jimmy and his class.

“So did you have a hangover?” Dean asks with a grin, wondering how Cas is actually still up right now.

“Yes, Crowley cursed my ass off when I showed up for practice like that,” Cas shrugs. Dean laughs it out, and shakes his head while resting his hands on his stomach. Cas gives him a hard punch in the arm in return, scowling the rest of their round.

Eventually, Cas manages to let go of Dean again. He skates a bit faster, and eventually even tries to skate backwards again. He gets used to it surprisingly fast, in comparison to last time, so Dean figures it must be the light skates he’s wearing now. They’re barely a weight, probably still heavier than ice skates but not as much as Dean’s current ones.

Dean and Cas don’t really speak to each other, mostly just skating forward, Dean with his hands still in his pockets. Once or twice, Cas almost loses his balance and grabs a hold of Dean’s arm. He quickly lets go again afterwards, though. Meanwhile, Jimmy’s class finishes, and the kids head to the side to get changed again and make the track clear for the teenagers that follow afterwards. Jimmy goes to talk to a few parents, but eventually he joins Dean and Cas on their other half.

“Wow you got some fancy skates there,” Jimmy says while letting out an impressed whistle. He eyes the skates in admiration, and even bends forward to get a good look at them.

“They’re Dean’s, he allowed me to wear them since the other skates are so heavy,” Cas says happily, and he makes a few round around Jimmy before standing still again. He miscalculates his stop, though, so Dean has to grab his arm again to make sure he doesn’t fall forward again.

“The hockey-stop doesn’t work on inline skates, Cas, remember,” Dean says dryly, thinking he must have mentioned that three times already now. Cas’ mouth just falls open as he indeed remembers, and he nods in agreement.

“Why would you even have skates like these, Dean?” Jimmy asks in confusion. He doesn’t even look like he’s teasing, so Dean feels something uneasy passing through him. He looks down again and clears his throat.

“I don’t really remember why I bought them, but they’ve never been used up until now,” Dean mumbles out, hoping that it’s enough explanation for Jimmy to let this rest. Sadly, it isn’t.

“Dean you don’t just _buy_ figure skates, these are expensive as Hell, especially these Snow White ones,” Jimmy points out, gesturing his hands towards the things on Cas’ feet.

“But these skates are black?” Cas asks in that innocent way of his.

“Snow White is the name of the brand. They must be the best-known artistic skates out there. You don’t just buy those on a _whim_ , just to never use them?”

Dean grumbles something and turns his head away. He doesn’t want to deal with this right now. Maybe he’d rather not deal with this, ever. It’s true that it was very impulsive of him to buy them. He hadn’t really been sure if he would ever use them.

“Just let it go, Jimmy, it doesn’t really matter,” Dean mutters, and that curious look on Jimmy’s face disappears, making way for an expression of understanding. The man nods and clears his throat as well, instead turning towards Cas and putting his hand on the man’s shoulder.

“How’s practice been going?” he asks. Dean skates a few rounds around them, staying close enough to stay part of the conversation but not really planning on joining in.

“I think Crowley is going to have a breakdown. Ever since I placed third, I can’t seem to get it right anymore,” says Cas with thick embarrassment in his words.

“Nerves getting to you? That’s never happened before?” Jimmy sounds actually concerned here. Dean just frowns, remembering the last time Cas performed his program to him. It had been perfect back then, worth every single point he would get from it.

“Last time I did it without any mistakes must have been… uhm, I think last time I showed it to Dean,” Cas then drops, and Jimmy immediately turns to stare at Dean with big eyes.

“ _He performed his program for you_?” Jimmy almost shouts out in surprise. Dean sees Cas slapping his own forehead. Dean just shrugs in an answer.

“Yeah, he was freaking out, I just gave him some exercises to relax and then told him to try it again,” Dean says. He doesn’t want to make too much of a deal about it. Jimmy thinks otherwise.

“Cassie, you wouldn’t even perform for _me_ , always saying that we had to wait until the competition to see it!” Jimmy’s voice is now loud enough for the teenagers to hear as well on the other side of the hall. The man is grabbing his twin brother’s arm, and he’s almost shaking him around to get his attention.

“Jimmy, it’s not a big deal, just let it go,” Cas returns while almost pushing his brother off him. Then he nods towards the teenagers that start skating their rounds on the half of the track Jimmy had claimed. The instructor then clears his throat and lets out a deep sigh.

“Fine, but this conversation is not over, Cassie,” Jimmy says before disappearing again. The moment he’s gone, Cas lets out a long breath. He stares long at his skates, and neither really wants to start talking. Dean pokes him in the side then, indicating that they might as well continue skating as they were. Cas agrees silently.

They go on for about ten minutes until Cas opens his mouth again.

“I think I should return. It wasn’t my intention to stay away for this long, and I wanted to get some practice in before Crowley arrives,” Cas mumbles. He stands still on the track, and Dean stops along with him, taking in the face in front of him.

Cas looks torn, somehow. He’s nervous, fumbling with the pockets of his sweater and unable to keep his feet still. His teeth are biting on his lower lip, his eyes looking everywhere but at Dean.

“Okay,” Dean says after a long silence between them. In his mind, a strong urge to take Cas’ hands in his own comes up, but he quickly shakes his head, trying to get that thought away again. It’s probably just a strange impulse that he has to ignore. Cas is just looking a bit defeated right now. It must be Dean wanting to cheer him up that makes him think such things.

“I don’t-“ Cas then starts, but he shakes his head again. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I don’t think I can make it next week.”

Alarm bells immediately start ringing in Dean’s ears, and his hands grab Cas’ arms and he gently starts shaking him.

“No, you can’t think like that, Cas!” Dean snaps at him. “You are the best figure skater I’ve ever seen, you have been the world’s champion for five years in a row, and you will make it _six_ after next week.”

Cas’ eyes are glassy, reddened from the tears that he clearly tries to keep in.

“Dean, every year skaters retire. I think maybe this year, it’s my turn,” Cas points out. Dean just shakes his head once more.

“No, Cas. You’re not ready to give it up. You’ve got more years in you. I’ve _seen_ you perform, I know you can do it. You just need to believe it, yourself!” 

Cas sighs again and turns around, pulling away from Dean’s hold. Dean only notices then that his heart is beating at a fast rate. Is that fear he’s feeling? Is he actually scared for Cas’ choices here?

“What kind of skater am I if I can’t skate without you around?” Cas mumbles right before moving away. Dean’s mouth falls open, his breath stops, and he’s got the feeling that his heart, too, has ceased beating for a little while.

He knows, deep inside, that he needs to follow Cas, needs to tell him that he’s making things up and that he doesn’t need Dean to win this, but the longer he stands there, the more he understands that this might have been building up for a while now.

_Cas thinks he can’t skate without me around_.

He can see Jimmy’s confused look when Cas passes him by. He instructs something to the teenagers, and then follows his brother. Dean doesn’t join in. He just can’t move right now.

He thought everybody had just been teasing all the time; Ellen calling Cas his boyfriend, Jimmy’s annoying behavior lately, Jo’s knowing looks, Balthazar’s cryptic messages. And Dean genuinely thought it was all for good fun, because, from his side, he doesn’t think more of it.

How could he have known that, from Cas’ side, these things might have been true, indeed?

The question now is; how does Dean feel about this?

After Cas is out, having left the black skates back in their box, Dean, too leaves. He takes the box with him, and he heads home. When Jimmy calls out for him, Dean doesn’t hear it.

He just needs to get out of here.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean returns to the training center late in the evening when everybody’s out again. His phone has been turned off when he got tired of receiving all the messages Jimmy kept sending him. He went to work, did some bartending, and then returned back here.

It’s the only way to clear his head.

It’s not as if he wants to think about it. He’s been managing just fine in keeping himself busy at the bar, serving drinks to people and even flirting with some of the ladies – much to Ellen’s obvious dismay – but in the end, the moment he got inside his car, the thoughts kept on turning back up.

So this time he doesn’t take his typical inline skates, instead going for the plain leather black ones that are always secretly hidden in that box in his trunk. The ones that have only been used for the first time, today.

It’s dark outside, temperature still low despite the spring nearing slowly but surely now that they’re in March. The snow has finally disappeared. People are walking outside more and more with nothing more than leather jackets. Children start riding their bikes again.

Dean turns on all the lights. It’s cold, with the heater turned off. Normally he takes off his jacket, but now he keeps it on. He sits down on the bench, opens the box, and pulls out the _Snow White_ skates Jimmy easily identified earlier today.

He ties the skates tightly, realizing that they’re indeed much lighter than his normal skates. They’re slim, simple, and easy to move in. It takes some getting used to, but Dean manages that quickly enough. He does a few rounds on the track, and then he closes his eyes.

Dean might have practiced artistic skating a few times in the past. Back then, it had only been because Dean didn’t want to forget the program he and his coach had been working on. They spent so long on it, practicing three days in a week together, and other days he tried it out individually. He always made sure he no-one of his family saw it. He had wanted it to be a surprise for them.

His arms move before he can really think too much about it. It’s such a familiar gesture by now, repeated for years and years but never shown to anybody other than his coach from that time. The wheels under his skates softly roll over the floor, making him move in a half circle before he continues backwards.

His eyes are still closed almost the entire time. He does a quick spin, sinks down his knees and passes his fingers over the ground and then he gets up again. With a few quick movements, he’s on the other side of the track. He tries out the first jump he and Cas had been working on, and he quickly follows it with another one. This one, Cas hadn’t taught him, but Dean mostly remembers it somehow. It just feels natural, again. After all those years, he notices he’s forgotten most of the names of the stuff he’s doing.

His coach had told him about them when she taught him this stuff. She had been so enthusiastic, especially when she saw how quickly he caught it all up. He had been her most promising student, she had told him. Dean had believed her, but back then he also thought he had anything resembling to a future in the competition.

He makes an angry grunt when he does his next jump, but lands it perfectly. He can’t keep on thinking about what could have been. His father had been so mad when he saw him perform this. He had shouted, had stopped Dean in the middle of the program and had practically dragged him out. After that, Dean hadn’t spoken to his coach again. John had made sure that he would be getting somebody else to train him.

Somebody that taught him the _right, manly_ way of skating.

That’s when Dean misses his jump again, and lands on the ground. Always on that exact moment. He’s never managed to go further than that. His body and his mind just refuse to go further than this part.

“Dean?”

Shit.

So he _isn’t_ alone here. He knows that voice; would recognize it anywhere. He doesn’t even look up, instead keeping his head down and not bothering to get off the ground. Why does it have to be Cas? Out of all the people here, it has to be the one that has been stuck on his mind for the entire hour. He’s the reason Dean is here, practicing things he shouldn’t be practicing.

“How long have you been here?” Dean asks Cas, feeling his heart race faster than it should. He should have taken in account that Cas would be able to just barge in without any warning. He’s always next door, always in the neighborhood.

“I only got here two minutes ago or something,” Cas says. Dean can hear the nearing  footsteps, and he wants to tell him to stay where he is, not to come close. His lips are tightly shut, though, eyes just staring at the floor angrily.

“You shouldn’t have been here,” Dean mumbles. Cas is now standing right next to him, probably wondering what he should do right now. He should just go, leave Dean alone. But Dean knows the only reason why he’s here is because he probably needs another ride.

“I didn’t know you could do that, Dean?” Cas says gently. He kneels down in front of Dean, and puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean flinches, but doesn’t push Cas away. Not yet.

“Does it matter?” Dean asks. He then finally looks up, figuring he’s been acting pathetic for long enough now. He gets up on his feet, and skates himself to the complete opposite side of the room to get changed again.

“When you said your father got angry at watching you perform… It’s because you did _this_ type of skating, isn’t it?” Cas urges on. Man, doesn’t he know when to just quit? Is he really going to keep asking about this?

“ _It doesn’t matter_ ,” Dean bites bitterly while taking off his skates. He’s being a bit too rough with them, but right now he hates these skates more than anything else in the world. They’re just a constant reminder of a dream some random coach had planted in his brain. A dream that wasn’t meant to be.

“Yes it does, Dean,” Cas adds. He kneels down again in front of Dean, and pulls away his arms to stop him in his movements. Dean just looks at where Cas’ fingers rest on his wrists, holding him in place with a strong grip. Much stronger than Dean would have thought. “What I just saw… you have a talent, and you shouldn’t give up on it because of your father.”

“Right, sure. My father making a scene during what should have been a qualifying competition for me to get to the real thing, that shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not as if I couldn’t show my face there anymore after he accused all of them of pulling me into ‘their faggy way of life’ or anything. I’m sure they would have been just fine with it.”

He knows he shouldn’t be snapping against Cas; he wasn’t there, and he never even met John Winchester. But Dean hasn’t even told this shit to Jimmy, or even Sam. Because what could he really say? ‘My dad saw me figure skating once and accused me of being gay and forbade me of doing so ever again’? Yeah, sure, that would just work out perfectly.

He can remember the fear he felt when he had seen the papers Sam had brought. WIFSA; World Inline Figure Skating Association. Dean searched it up, finding that it was indeed something small. Not as big as the Artistic Skating World Championship, at least. That shit has been going on since 2002.

That _shit_ was the thing his coach was even trying to get him in to. Dean had been thirteen years old, practicing artistic skating with his coach ever since he started it, in the first place. The woman had come to him, asked him if she could coach him personally. After John had agreed – without even asking for any details – she had made him work to get to that place.

And then John took it all away in just a few minutes.

How did Sam even know about it? When did he even _see_ Dean practice?

“Dean, just try to breathe slowly,” Cas soothing voice says next to him, and Dean is quickly pulled out of his train of thought, where he realizes that he must have been breathing too quickly for his own good. His lungs are hurting, his head is starting to feel light.

Great, he really doesn’t need this.

“Just, talk to me, tell me something about yourself,” Cas says, and Dean recognizes his own calming-exercise he taught Cas in the first place. He shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut.

“What do you want to know?” Dean asks, repeating what Cas had asked then, as well. He feels Cas’ hands on his wrists, and before he knows it he’s pulled up from the ground. Cas looks at him with a strong expression, looking much smaller since he’s not wearing skates.

“What’s your favorite food?”

Dean snorts before he knows it.

“Uhm, pie. And burgers,” Dean answers quietly while letting out a long breath. He can feel Cas pulling him forward by his hands. Dean doesn’t move at all, letting Cas do all the work here.

“I love burgers, too,” Cas says calmly. “When was the last time you spoke to your brother?”

Dean clears his throat. “This morning. I always call him before going to work.” Not that they talk about much, but Dean just needs to hear his brother’s voice. Just needs to make sure that he’s doing fine.

“And your brother has a girlfriend, you said? Have they been together for long?”

Dean nods.

“They met in college. Been together now for two years. She’s a real sweetheart,” Dean says fondly. He can feel Cas squeeze his hands then, and out of reflex he squeezes back.

“Will they come here again, soon? I would love to meet them,” Cas then asks. Dean shakes his head and then shrugs.

“I don’t know when they’ll be over. Next week I’m heading out for Stanford to spend the week at his place.”

The smile that had been on Cas’ face falls lightly. Not much, but enough for Dean to have noticed it.

“The week of the twenty-third?”

Dean opens his mouth to ask what’s wrong, but then he understands that’s the week Cas leaves for China, for the championships.

“Yes,” Dean answers truthfully. He doesn’t really know why Cas takes it so wrong, but he doesn’t like that look on his face. “But I’ll be watching the competition from there, you don’t have to worry,” he quickly adds.

“It’s fine, I guess it would have been _too_ optimistic of me to ask if you wanted to join me to China,” Cas whispers out. Dean feels something tear at his heart. Cas looks so disappointed in himself, as if he can’t even believe he was so naïve to think Dean would ever join him.

“Cas, I can’t get in a plane,” Dean admits. He knows he mentioned a while back that there was no way he would walk into one of those death traps, but Cas probably thought Dean had been joking at the time. “I can’t- if there was any other way to get there, I would have come. But just don’t make me fly.”

Cas nods softly, not looking him in the eyes at all. Then he lets go of Dean’s hands and takes a few steps back.

“Show me,” he then says. Dean frowns.

“Show you what?” he asks in return.

“The program you were doing earlier. Show me what you can do,” Cas clarifies. Then he clears his throat. “Please?”

And so Dean does. This time, he manages to finish it, as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the sweet comments! It always gives me the biggest of smiles whenever I see them.


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter should just be called "Out of hand", since it's been used quite a lot here. It's a bit longer, and it might possibly hurt a bit. I'm sorry about that.

Dean knows he let things get out of hand. That’s probably what he gets by not dealing with the problems he has, and instead avoiding them.

To be honest, things could have been cleared up if he would just have taken the time to talk about it, explain to everybody involved how exactly he feels about this and that he wants them all to stop. That might even have prevented the outcome that eventually came with it.

But, Dean is not the type of guy that starts explaining his feelings. He runs away from them; starts skating to clear his mind, and then puts the thought away in a deep dark corner of his mind, not to be taken out again. After that, he pretends that nothing happened. And sure, Jimmy would know about that, since he’s known Dean for a few years now.

Cas, sadly, _doesn’t_.

It mostly begins slowly, though. It’s the day after Cas figured out Dean’s alternative type of skating. After Dean had performed his very old program, neither of them had spoken about it. Instead, Dean drove Cas back home in silence, and then went back to bed himself.

Dean is woken up by a text, having forgotten to silence his phone the previous evening. So with a loud groan, he checks out the cell, finds a message from Cas, and opens it bitterly.

“Stupid morning-people with their morning texts,” Dean mutters against his pillow. The text only contains some information about inline figure skating clubs in the neighborhood. There aren’t any in Pontiac, which Dean already knew, and the nearest one is still a two hour drive. Not really worth it, Dean finds. So he doesn’t answer, and instead puts the phone on silent and resumes his sleep.

Once he’s busy at work at Bobby’s, his cellphone rings one more time. Once again, it’s a message from Cas, this time with some news about the inline figure skating competitions that Dean might be able to get in to. Dean just rolls his eyes, already knowing about these. He once again pockets his phone and gets back to work. It’s safe to say that his mood is pretty much sour the entire time.

In between his shift at the garage and at the Roadhouse, he still has a few hours to kill. He has an invitation from Cas to get to the Ice Rink, but Dean never replied to that, instead heading to the training center and get some practice in. He leaves the Snow White skates in the trunk. Just because he put them on once doesn’t mean he’s going to keep on doing it. He takes out his black and green ones, puts them on instead, and does a few rounds.

Eventually after an hour, his phone rings again. Another message from Cas.

**_Are you angry at me, Dean?_ **

Dean stops in his tracks and closes his eyes before letting out a long sigh. Sure, he’s angry and bitter, but he shouldn’t work it out on Cas. The guy is only trying to be a good friend – and somewhere deep in the dark corner of his mind, he’s reminded that he’s trying to be even more, but it never really catches his train of thought.

_Nah, not pissed at you. Just stop bringing it up and we’ll be fine._

So, that was a good-enough message, right? He’s not being too much of an ass, and he’s made clear that he doesn’t want to talk about the artistic skating.

**_Okay. Any chance you do want to come over to the ice rink? It’s free skating again so it’s difficult to get any practice in right now._ **

Dean sighs. Some part of him knows that he’s going to regret agreeing to this, but practicing this way is just getting boring. There’s nobody here, and he’s been at it for an hour already.

_I’m on my way, can you get some skates ready for me?_

**_Of course. I’ll talk to the cashier to let you through, as well_ ** _._

Great, now Dean doesn’t have to pay to get in, either. This is good. He quickly skates to the side, feeling that he still has quite a lot of frustration inside of him. He might be able to skate it off on the ice, instead. He just hopes Cas isn’t going to ask him to try out the jumps again.

He drops his inlines back in the trunk, gets in the car and parks himself closer to the ice rink. It’s mostly to spare himself the walk back to the training center. He fishes out the gloves from the backseat and puts them in the pocket of his sweater. Then he heads inside, where he can see the cashier raising an eyebrow at him but not charging him. Dean simply waves before going through.

“Ah, Dean, Castiel put these skates aside for you,” Charlie’s familiar voice says. Dean turns to see the happy redhead standing there with indeed a pair in her hands. Despite his grumpiness, Dean can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. She looks so carefree, as if she’s enjoying every little moment in her life. “You two must really be good friends if he keeps on inviting you back here.”

This right here, this is what he needs; the mention of them being _friends_ , and nothing more. It even feels weird at not having to correct her instantly. She doesn’t look as if she’s teasing, isn’t throwing him a knowing glance.

But then again, Dean doesn’t know her _that_ well and she might as well be implying things, too. Either way, he prefers this over Jimmy’s continuous banter.

“Yeah we get along just fine,” Dean says, trying to downgrade it a bit. He takes over the skates and moves to the bench to put them on.

“Hey Dean, if you have some stuff that you want to keep safe, just hand them over here and I’ll put them away. I’m sure Cas can retrieve them later on if you decide to skate for a while longer.”

Dean looks at her, but then nods. He stands up, hands her his phone and wallet, and then thanks her. Charlie just waves away the gratitude and sends him to the ice.

“Don’t keep him waiting, he’s been quite annoying when he thought you were ignoring him.”

Dean snorts and then turns to get to the cold rink. There are once again people on the ice, but the rink is not divided this time. Cas is somewhere in the middle, performing spins and small jumps. Others are skating around him, admiring him from a distance. Dean, too, can’t help but stand a bit on the side to have a good look at the way he moves. It’s been a few weeks since he last saw Cas’ program, but he can remember the anxiety he’s apparently been having.

_I can help him with that_ , the deep dark corner in his brain whispers to him. Dean shakes his head and pushes away the thought. Nope, he’s not heading back to that thought. Cas can skate perfectly fine without Dean around, thank you very much.

Dean finds himself chuckling when two teenagers approach Cas hesitantly. He can’t hear what they’re asking, but eventually Cas nods at whatever question they made, and then the three go stand together while one of them pulls out her phone to take a selfie. So, they’re fans? This is actually kind of endearing, and Dean finds himself smiling before realizing it.

Cas shakes their hands before the two skate off, but Dean can see their reactions when they skate back to the border and start looking at the picture they took. It’s like they’ve finally met their biggest idol, and can’t wait to share it with everybody. Dean just shakes his head with his smile still thick on his face, and decides to get on the ice.

The moment Dean gets on it, Cas notices him. He calls out for him, and even waves to indicate where he is. As if Dean hasn’t noticed him the moment he got in the hall. Dean just simply waves back and even dares to get to the center of the rink instead of trying out for a few rounds at first. He’s been skating an hour already, and he’s pretty much used to how this is feeling, as well.

“Hi Cas,” Dean greets the other skater, taken aback when he suddenly has two strong arms wrapped around him in a strong hug. So Cas is the greet-and-hugging-type. Great to know.

“Hello, Dean, I’m glad you’re here,” Cas says. Dean just pats him on the shoulder a few times before pulling away, and then he catches the two girls from earlier, still freaking out over their picture.

“You made some people happy,” Dean says as he nods towards the two at the border. Cas follows his gaze and then nods with a loud sigh.

“Yeah, while I still can,” Cas mumbles. Dean frowns immediately, noting the defeated look Cas is giving him again. Great, he remembers Cas telling him yesterday about how he was planning to retire. No way in Hell is Dean going to let that happen.

“Stop saying you’re going to retire,” Dean almost snaps at him. Cas’ eyes go wide in surprise, and he opens his mouth to say something before Dean beats him to it. “You still have the Olympic Winter Games to win, so there’s three more years before you can retire.”

Now Cas’ mouth drops open as well, and his breathing seems stuck. Dean then suddenly notices that, despite pulling away from their hug earlier, Cas still has his hands resting on Dean’s forearms. He wonders if he should put some distance between them, but eventually decides it doesn’t really matter that much.

“You- you remember about the Olympics?” Cas then finally breathes out. Dean snorts.

“Dude, how could I forget, you mentioned it the first time we met. Being an asshole about it, as well.” Dean tries to joke about it, but even he has to admit that this sounds a bit… weird. Ah, well, another thought to push in the deep dark corner of his mind. He has to make sure that it doesn’t end up getting _too_ crowded in there.

“But I don’t think I can make it to the games,” Cas admits in clear shame. Oh, now this strange urge comes up inside of Dean. The urge to put his (gloved) hand on Cas’ cheek and gently stroke his skin. The urge to put his other hand on Cas’ lower back, and to keep him close. It takes another deep breath and a squeeze of his eyes before Dean, once again, banishes the thoughts away.

“Sure you can, Cas. I’ve seen you skate, both in real life as on the tv-screen. You’re better than any of the others out there, but you’re just doubting yourself too much,” Dean says. If Cas notices him skating a bit closer to him, neither of them mention it. Heck, Dean barely even notices until he sees Cas looking up at him.

“But I can’t-“

“For crying out loud, Cas, you’ve managed without me for years!” Okay, Dean didn’t mean to snap, and he regrets it the moment Cas pulls away in surprise. To be honest, Dean didn’t expect that outburst, either. If Cas wants to stop skating, it actually isn’t really Dean’s business now, right? Sure, Cas might be quitting _because_ of Dean, but it’s not like it’s his actual fault?

So why does it actually feel like that?

“C’mon, let’s just skate for a moment,” Dean then says, and he holds out his hand without thinking about it. Cas hesitates for a few seconds before taking it, and then Dean pulls them forward.

There aren’t many people here, and the amounts of children are limited as well. There’s nobody risking smashing against them, nobody bringing them in the immediate danger of falling down on their asses.

After a while, Dean starts skating backwards. He keeps a close eye on Cas in front of him, where he can clearly see the conflicted look he’s giving. Cas clearly doesn’t really know what he wants from his career. The least Dean can do is help him save it.

He gives Cas’ arm a little tug, getting his attention. Then he skates them back to the middle of the rink, and pulls out his memory from long ago to try and get this right. His coach, a friendly woman called Annie Hawkins, had once made him try for pair skating. Sure, he hadn’t disliked it back then, but the girl she had him pair up with had been real annoying and before they got to really serious business competition-wise, Dean decided to stop with it. Luckily, Annie hadn’t been too disappointed at him (which back then had been the most important thing to Dean given his teenage crush he had on her).

“Spin with me,” Dean tells him quietly, noting how the music in the background slowly turns into something calm. It’s an old love-song, Dean understands. He snorts but before he goes blaming somebody he notes that the radio has been playing. Not that Charlie or anybody else changed the tune.

“What?” Cas asks, but before he can protest, Dean starts the broad spinning. His hold on Cas’ hand is still strong so the other man follows almost immediately. Dean notices how he lifts up his one foot, and that’s when Dean moves forward, resting his hand on Cas’ hip as he starts the official spin. Both men are skating with one foot lifted up. Dean’s hand on Cas’ hip is quickly covered by Cas’ other one, while their other grip isn’t separated, either. They go backwards, their eyes are meeting the entire time. Dean feels his heart beating faster the longer he watches. His mouth starts to feel dry, and his head is spinning.

Oh, that’s probably because they’re still going. With a little push on Cas’ hip, Dean pushes him forward. Cas steps out of the spin, and Dean follows suit again. Now, Cas is leading Dean instead of the other way around.

When Cas stops, he’s smiling. He lets go of Dean’s hand, and starts chuckling while shaking his head.

“I haven’t tried pair-skating in a while,” Cas says then. Dean gives him a long look, remembering Cas mention he tried it a few times with Balthazar, but that he couldn’t get into competitions with the two of them being men.

“Do you like it?” Dean asks. Cas nods immediately, wrapping his own arms around himself.

“Yes, but… only with people I care about… I couldn’t do it with just a random partner. I think I couldn’t even do it with Hannah.”

Dean nods in understanding. Clearly, pair-skating seems to be something Cas cares about pretty much. It seems like a shame he can’t do anything with it.

“If you were to find a good partner, you would do it more often,” Dean notes. Cas nods in agreement, picking his blades in the ice while the silence grows between them. “Would you want to do competitions?” Dean eventually asks.

“Yes, but… I can’t, remember?” Cas looks up again. “The entries need to be male-female.”

“Right,” Dean says, though he knew that. It’s sad that Cas can’t something he wants to, just because of _who_ he falls for. But on the other hand, people would tell him to suck it up and just skate with another woman. Most people don’t really understand when it comes to something like that.

Dean only realizes there was a tense moment between the two of them when they’re once again interrupted. This time it’s by a few other teenagers, looking once again excited. Dean sees that they’re all wearing figure skates, so they surely know who Cas is.

“Excuse me, Mr. Novak? We were wondering if we could get a picture with you?” one of the kids ask. It’s the only boy in a group with five girls. They can’t be more than fifteen years old, meaning that they’re old enough to compete against Cas.

“Sure, yes, that’s fine,” Cas says, offering them a big smile. Dean holds out his hand towards one of the teenagers.

“I’ll take the picture,” Dean says, and immediately three phones are pressed in his hand. He snorts and skates a bit further away while the group gets ready for the picture. It’s a lot to figure out how to work with each phone, but eventually he manages to snap three photos. When he hands the phones back to the teenagers, they make excited noises.

“How about you show Cas what you guys got?” Dean then asks, and six faces look up in utter surprise, one of them even appearing horrified.

“Yes, I would be honored to see you skating,” Cas says with a bright smile. Dean looks away when his stomach starts to feel weird. Huh, maybe he’s hungry. He hasn’t eaten in a while anyway… He should ask Cas if they could grab a bite in the cafeteria upstairs later on.

“Yes, of course!” one of the girls then shouts, and then the others follow. One by one, they start showing off a bit of their talents. Both Dean and Cas can see that they’ve been training probably all their lives. They might make it big, could even try out for one of the greater competitions. When Cas tells them that, one of the girls even seemed close to fainting.

Eventually, when four of the six have performed, the last two remaining girls take each other’s hands and skate towards the middle of the rink. Cas’ eyes open wide, and his mouth falls open in surprise.

“Are they-?” Cas starts to ask.

“Yes, Siobhan and Kristin have been practicing on pair skating for the past year,” one of the girls proudly says, looking at the two as if she’s the one who personally trained them. “They were hesitating about doing this because they’re both girls, but then they found out about the _Gay Games_ , they knew they finally had a chance to compete. They’re planning on joining the competition once they’re eighteen.”

Dean hears Cas huff out a breath, and then the other man is leaning against him. Dean gives him a small poke in the side, but doesn’t take off his eyes of the two girls – Siobhan and Kristin, if he heard that right.

“I’ve never heard about that competition? Is it new?” Cas asks, and the girl shakes her head.

“No, it's been there since 1982. The next competition is in 2018, it’s once every 4 years, like the Olympics,” she explains. “The competitions are in August.”

Cas’ face clears up, and he somehow looks genuinely happy, as if he just heard the best news there ever was. Dean raises an eyebrow at him, but he can actually understand the sudden joy he’s feeling. For a guy who has put aside pair-skating for so long because he could never do anything with it, now he finally seems to have a chance with it.

“You should try out, Cas,” Dean jokes while poking Cas in the side with his elbow. The other skater chuckles but then shakes his head.

“Not if I don’t have a partner,” he says. After that, they continue watching how Siobhan lifts up Kristin in a swift movement. Their jumps are in-sync, they spin together so gracefully that even Dean almost feels the urge to try out pair-skating again.

Eventually, the girls finish. Cas gives them all his input – he even hands out tips and suggestions on their programs. Meanwhile, all the other free-skaters have left the rink, and it’s only the eight of them on the ice. Behind him, Dean can see Charlie walking around the rink and picking up some stuff that has been left behind. Dean quickly excuses himself, and heads to her.

“Charlie!” he shouts out, and the redhead looks up immediately. When she sees Dean, she smiles at him.

“Dean! Is everything alright?” she asks, and Dean nods.

“Yeah, but I was wondering if you could put up the music for Cas’ program? He needs to practice some more.” Dean nods towards where he always used to point the remote control to whenever he put up the music the last few times. Charlie gasps in understanding and quickly heads back inside before coming back out with the familiar remote in her hand.

“Cas’ music is always ready to be played, but you probably know which button to press,” she says, and with that she gives him a wink before continuing with cleaning up. When she bends forward to take something from the ground, Dean catches a tattoo on her back when her shirt goes up. Is he hallucinating, or is that Princess Leia in her space-bikini? 

“Nice ink,” Dean teases. Charlie jumps up in surprise, making scared noises as she tries to think about her explanation. Eventually she just sighs and shrugs.

“It was Comic Con, I was drunk,” she says, and then she waves him away. “Go to Cas, don’t distract me!”

Dean nods, and he takes off once more. Cas is still instructing the teens, actually making a good teacher in Dean’s opinion. Dean still interrupts him by resting his elbow on Cas’ shoulder and leaning a bit against him.

“Now, I think it’s only fair Cas shows off his own skills in return, right?” Dean says pointedly, staring at the teens in front of him with a knowing expression. They all start agreeing happily, some of them even jumping on the ice at the anticipation that _Castiel Novak_ , six-times world champion, would perform his program to them.

“Dean, I don’t know if-“ Cas starts, and Dean puts a hand on his mouth to shut him up.

“It’s a _great_ idea!” Dean says, grabbing Cas’ hand again and pulling him towards the center of the rink. Cas glares at him the entire time, and the teens start heading to the sides to stay out of the way.

“Seriously, Dean, I _don’t_ think this is a good idea,” Cas mutters as he’s being guided forward. Once they’re at the spot Cas needs to be, Dean lets go of his hand and instead grabs his arms in a strong grip, shaking him a little bit.

“You love skating, Cas. And you _can_ do your program. You just need more faith in yourself,” Dean says in a low voice. “These kids look up to you. Allow them to see their idol in public.”

Cas gulps and turns his face down. Dean can’t fight this new strange urge, and he wraps his arms around Cas once more, resting one hand behind Cas’ head, and gently stroking through his hair.

“You’re not finished yet. Please believe me,” Dean almost begs of him, and then he lets go again and skates away. The teens are just putting aside their phones when Dean arrives where they are. One of them is grinning up at Dean, and Dean smiles back down at her while holding out the remote and pressing play.

Luckily, Cas knows immediately which song is going to play first, and with that he starts his short program. The teens next to him gasp in surprise. Dean just feels his smile grow wider with every move Cas makes. He’s brought back to a time where he, too, enjoyed performing like this. When Annie trained him, made him practice for so many hours to get him to the top. She had always claimed he had been the most promising of them all.

He wonders if she’s still teaching now.

Cas jumps, spins, performs his step-sequence with perfection, and eventually he ends with his chest heavily going up and down as he breathes for air. Before the second song starts playing, Dean hits pause again. He gets back on the ice, heads to Cas and puts his hand on the man’s shoulder.

“I told you you could do it,” Dean says with a smile. Cas drops his arms, and gives Dean a long and sad look. Dean wonders if his eyes are red because of the cold, or because he had actually been crying during his performance.

“That’s only because you were here,” Cas mumbles, almost soft enough for Dean not to hear it. And he almost didn’t. Surely, it hadn’t been Cas’ intention for Dean to hear it in the first place, so Dean doesn’t comment on it, but the words are resting heavily on his shoulders.

Right, time to banish them back to the deep dark corner of his mind… It’s getting a bit full there.

 

* * *

 

 

That is where things kind of started to get out of hand, Dean realizes later on when he thinks back on that moment. Dean had left the ice, gotten back to work at the Roadhouse, and afterwards just went home to start a new day.

The next morning, Dean is once again awoken with a text message. Once more from Cas, but this time it’s a short one.

**_I’m sorry, Dean._ **

Dean frowns, somehow too curious to even be angry at the early awakening. He immediately types a request of clarification.

_Care to elaborate?_

Dean’s eyes sting at the brightness of the screen, and he just wishes Cas would answer quickly so he can get this thing over with. Whatever Cas thinks he did wrong, Dean doesn’t think he has any reason to be angry at him.

**_The pictures they posted on Instagram, they’ve gone viral._ **

Okay, that doesn’t help a single bit. Dean would check on Instagram, but the only people he follows are Cas, Jimmy and Sam, so it’s not like he’ll see anything. Just when he’s about to ask for even more clarification, Cas sends him a link.

Dean opens it, glad that he’s got his internet connection on. The page loads slowly, but eventually, the image of him and Cas performing their pair-spin is there right in front of him, both of their faces as clear as day. The article is from a Figure Skater news page. It doesn’t look too official, but it’s still on the internet and that’s enough for Dean.

Well crap.

> **_ World Figure Skating champion Castiel Novak switching to pair-skating with new flame? _ **
> 
> **Castiel Novak, the American Figure skater from Illinois who has won a total of six golden medals at the World National Championships and seven at the Grand Prix Finals, has recently been spotted at his home skating rink trying out pair skating with a potential new flame. The twenty-five year old champion has been in the spotlight for a while now after publicly coming out with his previous partner Balthazar Roche, a former figure skating competitor who eventually retired to teach instead. The two broke up during the summer of 2014 according to multiple sources, and the figure skating champion has since then often been spotted with this new stranger who has not yet been identified.**
> 
> **Multiple sources have revealed that Novak and the man have been spotted skating together a few times in the past few months, and now they’ve been seen trying out pair skating together. Is it possible that Novak is going for another direction is his career? So far there haven’t been competitions that allowed same-sex pair figure skating other than the Gay Games, which happen the same year as…**

Dean stops reading after that, feeling his face turn cold and his heart stopping on the spot. This is a disaster, he finds. There are multiple pictures of him and Cas taken, not just from yesterday but also from that day when Cas taught Dean those jumps. In most of the pictures they’re either holding hands as they skate together, or they’re just sharing gentle touches like a hand on the shoulder. Dean had never really thought to much about it, but now that he sees it from another point of view, he can understand where all the teasing came from at first.

Damn, they really _do_ seem very touchy, now that Dean thinks of it. How is it that he hasn’t really noticed this before?

Dean closes his eyes then, tries to count to ten in his head while his breathing evens out again. It’s alright, this isn’t world-news. Dean’s face won’t end up in multiple magazines or newspapers, and there won’t be a million articles appearing on the internet.

The Figure Skating community is not _that_ big, so, sure, a lot of people will see it, but not enough that Dean’s life would change from it.

After scraping his throat, Dean picks up his phone again and quickly puts together a short message.

_It’s not your fault. I’m sure this won’t end up on television or something. Don’t worry too much about it._

But Dean can’t follow his own advice. That day while he’s working at Bobby’s, he’s more often than not checking his phone to see if the news hasn’t blown up. The amount of likes on the article goes up, sure, but so far there doesn’t seem to be anything else appearing about it. He still checks every hour to make sure.

Bobby might be a bit annoyed that Dean is busy with his phone during work, and after a while the man even snatches the device out of Dean’s hand with the warning that he’ll only get it back after his shift is finished or if somebody calls and if it’s important. Dean is sure that, if the phone were to ring, Bobby would actually pick up to make sure it _is_ , in fact, important.

Customers come, customers go. Dean fixes up two cars before being able to call it a day. His back aches, his entire body is sweaty, and he finds himself feeling nervous the entire time knowing that his face is going around on the internet, being identified as Cas’ new pair-skating partner.

He even knows who took the pictures; it’s those teens. The two girls at first, but also the six that performed for them. Dean caught them more often than not giggling at their phones, but Dean had just thought they were admiring their picture with Cas. He should have known that they’d be playing pretend-paparazzi and share the images on whatever platform they could find.

Dean doesn’t have a shift at the Roadhouse today. It’s Wednesday, meaning that Jimmy has lessons to teach this evening. Dean could use his friend right now, just to be reminded of how easy things were before all this happened.

But let’s face it, his friendship with Jimmy hasn’t really been the same ever since he met Cas.

The lessons don’t start until six in the evening, meaning that Dean still has two hours to kill. He _could_ go to the training center and just get started already, but somehow he doesn’t really want to. Instead he takes a quick shower at Bobby’s place to make sure he doesn’t walk around all sweaty and greasy, and then he drops down on the couch to watch some TV. He’s stayed at Bobby’s a few times now, so he knows he’s always welcome here, even if the old grumpy man is still finishing up his paperwork at the garage next door.

Dean zaps through the channels a little bit, but finds that there’s nothing interesting coming up. He’s close to just turn the thing off, when he suddenly ends up at a program that shows figure skaters. He stops immediately, keeping the remote in the air while he sees Cas’ free skating program appearing there. Dean is familiar with it now, so he knows which part follows the previous one. It seems they’ve taken one of his flawless performances – there have been one or two where his hand touched down on the ice to prevent from falling.

_“And our next skater is Castiel Novak, the most promising candidate to get the gold at the World Championship next week. We’ve been allowed to follow him for an entire day so we could get a look on his standard practice-time.”_

Oh, so it’s a standard reportage, Dean thinks. He can’t recall Cas being followed by camera’s for a day, so Dean is extra sure that his face won’t appear here. Good, the last thing he needs is more images of him going around on the internet.

The reportage simply asks Cas a few questions, shows him skating at their rink while there are other skaters on the ice, and then asks more questions. It’s very simple, and they show good images of Cas practicing, and the questions seem to stay on subject. Dean can say that this is a very good, neutral piece. At least there are no questions of who Cas’ latest partner was, or another sort of bullshit about his private life.

Just when Dean thinks that the thing is over, another fragment is shown of Cas standing at the sidelines, smirking down at his phone as he texts something. Dean doesn’t want to think _too_ highly of himself, but he’s almost sure that _he’s_ the one who received that text.

“ _Of course it’s not_ always _practice. Overworking is not good, either, so I make sure to spend some time with my brother or my friend Dean to, you know, stay sane during these times,”_ Cas says on Dean’s screen. Dean feels his face reddening; his name is mentioned on TV. That won’t make people connect the dots, right? Oh, he hopes not.

After that the feature is finished, and the screen goes from one last jump made by Cas to a news anchor. It’s a young man with a slight scruff on his face and dark hair. He smirks a bit as he collects his papers and clears his throat.

“ _On the subject of Champion Castiel Novak, his latest appearance in the news showed us him trying out pair skating with another man. The images have been shared wildly around the internet, and has even started a petition amongst mostly his fans.”_

The image of him and Cas comes back. It’s the one where Dean has his hand resting on Cas’ hip with Cas’ hand again on top of it. Cas has his back close to Dean, and the two are looking at each other as they’re spinning. Dean knows his face is red now. Is it hot in here? Why does he feel like he’s at the verge of melting?

“ _The petition asks to let same-sex couples compete in the greater competitions, and to change the rules that state that the pairs can only exist out of one man and one woman.”_

Where is Dean’s phone? How is it that he hasn’t gotten a message about this yet?

Oh, right, Bobby still has the damn thing. He almost stands up to fetch it, but then he hesitates. He just wants to make sure that he’s not identified. He needs to be sure that his name won’t travel around on the internet as Castiel Novak’s new flame.

“ _Not much is known about the man Novak was skating with; many speculate that it’s his friend, Dean, but so far this hasn’t been confirmed. We all just want to say: congratulations to you both.”_

And after that, the man continues on with _actual_ news. Dean snatches the remote and turns the thing off. He needs his phone, and he needs to get out of here. Doesn’t matter if Jimmy’s not there yet, he needs the distraction of skating.

When Dean gets back to the garage, Bobby is still sitting at his desk. He’s no longer writing stuff down, but instead he’s frowning at his computer, clicking away on things as the frown deepens. Oh no, what could possibly make the grump even grumpier?

“Hey Bobby, I forgot my phone,” Dean says and he walks towards the desk to take the device lying there. Bobby just grunts bitterly, not removing his eyes from the screen.

Dean gives him a long look, wondering what brought Bobby in such a bad mood. He could ask, but he doesn’t know if he will be chewed out for prying or not. He hasn’t checked his phone, but he’s sure he’s gotten a few messages there.

“What’s wrong, Bobby?” Dean eventually dares to ask. Right after the last word comes out, Bobby stares at him with his dark blue eyes.

“Yer on the news, boy,” Bobby mutters. Dean freezes; he can’t mean the _actual_ news, right? He probably just means the Sport News. This matter isn’t important enough to hit the actual thing? “You started quite a commotion, I must say.”

Dean hurries to the back of the desk to look at the screen, seeing how it’s true; the image of him and Cas has indeed been shared on the _actual news_.

“Oh crap you’ve got to be kidding me,” Dean mutters to himself.

“You’ve got something you want to tell me?” Bobby asks with his eyebrows raised. Dean barely hears it, instead reading about the petition that has caused so much drama. He sees something about equality and gay rights, and more other things that he never thought to be linked to his name – or face.

“Holy crap! I try to calm down the guy _once_ and now I’m his new flame _and_ the reason millions of people are protesting against the rules of the competitions? How is this even my life?” Dean complains to himself. He lets out a long breath and leans back against the wall while he passes his hand through his hair.

“So I’m assuming you’re still _not in a relationship with him_?” Bobby asks pointedly. Dean throws him a glare.

“No, I’m _not_ in a relationship with _anybody_ ,” Dean snaps. “People need to stop suggesting this!”

“Well, it’s on the news. It won’t be easy to let that go away,” Bobby shrugs. Dean sighs once again and looks away. He can feel his phone vibrate in his pocket, but he doesn’t pull it out to check who it is.

“Damn it,” Dean mutters, and he pushes himself off the wall. He needs to see Cas, to make things clear. He knows in that deep dark corner of his mind that Cas might feel more for Dean than Dean does for him, but he had tried to not let that get to their friendship. Now, though, he _knows_ he can’t keep on hanging out with Cas without making clear that things won’t become more than this.

“Where you going?” Bobby asks when Dean gets out of the office. The mechanic turns around to face his father-figure and clears his throat.

“It’s my fault things got out of hand. I need to make sure things don’t get worse,” Dean says, and with that he turns again. He keeps his phone still in his pocket as he gets into his car. His radio is turned off the entire ride, and his mind is elsewhere so he almost drives through a red light and only barely manages to stop to let an old woman crossing the street.

His heart is racing when he stops his car at the Ice Rink, and it takes ten full minutes before he manages to convince himself to step out and head inside. The guy at the entrance isn’t there, so Dean jumps over the gate. When Charlie calls out for him, he ignores her, instead heading for the doors that would bring him to the cold arena.

There is Cas on the ice, performing what Dean remembers is his short program. Dean can see that his movements are off, and that he seems awfully distracted. Dean can understand that; he, too, would have trouble focusing right now.

“Bloody Hell Castiel, no no no! What is going on with you? You haven’t been doing well at all since the last competition!” another British voice says from a little further away. When Dean turns to look at the source of the voice, he sees the by-now familiar figure of Crowley standing there.

Oh, Cas is in training. It’s probably not the right time to do this shit, then, right? Behind him, the doors open again, and somebody comes standing next to him.

“They’re both in a horrible mood. It’s better not to interrupt them,” Charlie’s soothing voice says next to him, and she puts her hand on his arm to pull him away. Dean doesn’t follow though. One part of him knows that it’s better to just head out and have this conversation another time, but the other part really wants to get this thing over with now. He needs to clear things up, and have the best chance of saving his friendship with Cas.

“No,” Dean tells Charlie. His voice is loud enough for both Cas and his coach to look at him and Charlie. Cas looks shocked, as if he’s rendered breathless that Dean is even here. Crowley, on the other hand, looks like he’s about to explode.

“ _You!_ Winchester! This is all your fault in the first place! Get your ass out of this training session of I’ll personally kick you out!” Crowley shouts at him. Dean doesn’t pay attention to him, instead letting his eyes meet Cas’ for a few short moments.

The moment they make contact, his heart starts aching; this is his good friend, somebody that he’s grown to care about. This is a man who wants something out of Dean that Dean can’t give to him. He knows that his friend is going to end up getting hurt, no matter when Dean is going to explain things.

He really let things get out of hand.

Before Cas can open his mouth, and before Crowley can storm up to him to kick him in his ass, Dean turns around again and gets out of the cold room.

He can’t disappoint his friend. Not yet; not this close to the World Championships.

But he also can’t give him what he wants.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean doesn’t speak to Cas for a few days after that. Instead he’s been busy with explaining the situation to his brother, and assuring Jimmy that, no, he’s not in a secret relationship with his twin brother. A lot of people that know him recognized him in the picture, so the next two days have been filled with answering phone calls and denying anything that is sent to him by text.

After the third day, he just starts ignoring it.

The shit really starts when he’s eventually identified. His Instagram told him even before he checked the news on that part; he got about a hundred thousand new followers in just one night, and the rest of the day that amount kept on growing, still.

It’s now one more day until Cas leaves for the World Championships. Two more days until Dean leaves for his week at Sam’s place. The two still haven’t spoken after that, and Dean knows that this is his last chance. But he doesn’t know what he should say.

It’s Wednesday, exactly one week since Dean’s face appeared in the news. Dean hasn’t been to the Ice Rink since Crowley chewed him out, and his time at the training center is also cut short; there’s just not much enthusiasm left to skate on right now.

Jimmy organized a party to wish his brother luck, so once more they’re all at the Roadhouse to celebrate Cas’ departure. Of course, Dean is working this Wednesday evening, so he’s, again, stuck behind the bar while handing out drinks and orders, making sure that he’s not giving Charlie double portions that she could hand over to Cas.

But it’s a lost cause. Cas still manages to end up drunk, and Jimmy isn’t any better. The twins are constantly shouting at each other, singing loudly whenever a song comes up that they know, and one time Jimmy even manages to convince Cas to get up on the table and start dancing.

If Cas is feeling bad about anything that has happened this past week, he’s not showing it at all.  

Dean watches it all happening from a distance, glad that Amelia is there as well, being the designated driver that will bring the two home again. She laughs sometimes, but more often than not she joins Dean at the bar to have some _normal_ conversations again.

Talking with Amelia is nice enough. Dean’s always liked Jimmy’s wife; she’s friendly, sweet and always honest. He can understand she’s most of the kids’ favorite teacher at the school.

“So you’re heading to your brother’s in two days?” Amelia asks when they’ve been sitting together for the past hour. Jimmy and a few of his friends have started a session of pool, and Cas seems to be sitting at the sidelines, just simply watching it happening.

“Yeah, I’ll stay there for the whole week,” Dean explains while he cleans up some glasses. Then he throws the towel over his shoulder and leans forward a little bit. A long sigh escapes his mouth.

“Oh, is something wrong?” Amelia asks then. Dean bites his lip and then sighs.

“This whole thing with Cas… things got seriously out of hand and now he leaves for China tomorrow…” Dean mutters, knowing that he can’t really say his piece when the guy is drunk. It’s clear that he’s going to have to wait until he’s back from China. “You know he asked me to join him to China?” Dean asks then. “I think he was a bit disappointed when I told him I couldn’t go.”

Amelia nods then and lets out a long sigh as well, both of them turning to give Cas a long look. That’s when they notice him staring back at him, right before he realizes he’s been caught and he turns his face away, back to the pool-table next to him.

“He’s grown to care quite a lot about you,” Amelia then says. Dean still stares at Cas, taking in the slender but muscular figure standing there. He once again has stubble showing up on his chin, and his hair is just as messy as Jimmy’s. But now, after having spent enough time with him, Dean has no more trouble keeping the two apart.

He doesn’t notice Amelia inspecting him in return, so when she starts talking again, he almost jumps up in surprise.

“And I see you care about him, as well,” she points out. Dean then lowers his eyes and clears his throat before moving away once more. “But you’re worried, because you’ve never felt like this before.”

“Don’t-“ Dean starts in a loud snap, but then he holds back again. He’s never been angry at Amelia – she’s such a sweet woman. Instead he shakes his head while taking in a long breath. “Cas is a good friend. I’m more worried about _his_ feelings getting hurt here.”

Oh, yes, things are getting out of control alright. Amelia’s presence has opened up the wall that kept his deep dark corner apart; now it cracked, and something came out. Something Dean had been trying his best to keep away.

“If you’re planning on just staying friends, he will get hurt, yes,” Amelia says bluntly. “It’s not easy for him, to come and trust somebody _that_ much already. You know he never asked Balthazar to join him on a foreign competition?”

“He only asked me because he thinks he can’t skate without me,” Dean mumbles back. Amelia shakes her head.

“He asked you because he wants you there. He feels stronger with you around, more confident. He trusts you, Dean.” Amelia then gets up again. “I need to go to the toilet, please excuse me.”

Dean nods and watches her go. Then he throws his towel down on the ground and lets out an angry noise.

He really let things get out of control.

It’s his own damn fault.

He steps away from the bar, passing Jo by with a simple “I need to get some air,” before actually getting outside. It’s still chilly in the evening, but he doesn’t want to head back inside to grab his sweater. Besides, the cold helps him clear his mind again.

He wraps his arms around himself, and leans against the wall – the same wall he was beaten up against all those weeks ago. Has this been going on since then, as well? Did Dean unintentionally start making Cas feel something Dean can’t reciprocate?

“Damn it,” Dean mumbles.

“Dean?”

Great, this is really the last thing Dean needs.

“Not now, Cas,” Dean warns him. He doesn’t face him, doesn’t really think it’s a good idea to look at the guy right now. Things have gotten seriously out of hand, and it’s all his own fault for not seeing it sooner.

“Yes now! You’ve been avoiding me for an entire week and I really need to say some things,” Cas snaps back, slurring over his words. It seems like he’s been practicing this speech, but the alcohol makes it difficult to get over his words.

Dean turns around to face his friend, seeing Cas standing there with reddened cheeks and clouds of air escaping from his mouth as he breathes out. He’s wearing a warm sweater, and Dean just feels a slight jealousy at seeing that. Damn himself for heading out in just a shirt.

“Say them, then,” Dean mutters to him, not removing his hands from his arms, and his teeth clattering together. Cas takes a step forward and clears his throat as he prepares himself.

“I’m in love with you, Dean Winchester,” then eventually comes out, and Dean’s heart stops. The shivering and clattering of his teeth is put on pause for a few seconds, and his breathing seems to be stuck.

It seems so simple when Cas says it like that.

“I’ve been in love with you for a while now, and I _know_ you feel the same way,” Cas continues. Dean eventually regains control over his body again and lets out a long sigh before shaking his head.

“You can’t know that,” Dean mumbles back with his head lowered, eyes staring deeply at the ground. He hears Cas taking a few steps forward.

“ _Yes I know_!” Cas shouts. “I can’t be the only one to feel this? Why would you _not_ feel this when, to me, it feels so _right?_ Every time you touch me, fireworks go off. Every time you look at me, my heart explodes. Every time I manage to make you laugh, I fall in love with you even more than before.”

“Stop it, Cas!” Dean returns with a loud voice. He’s shaking his head, slamming his hands against his forehead to banish the words far away. No, no, no! He doesn’t feel the same; he just _doesn’t_.

“Why? Why stop when it feels so right to be with you?” Cas then asks, whining a little bit in his question, as if he’s a teenager screaming that things are not fair.

“Because I don’t feel the same,” Dean counters, but he’s not sure who he’s trying to convince here. The cracks in the Deep Dark Corner – as he’s grown to call it now – are letting through all these little thoughts that he’s banished for the past few weeks. Even as he speaks the words, these thoughts make him question every single syllable he lets out.

When Cas is standing right in front of him again, the other man simply puts his head on Dean’s shoulder and literally starts sobbing against him. Okay, so a drunk Cas means an emotional Cas. 

“Why am I feeling like this?” Cas cries out with his face pressed on Dean’s shirt. He sounds so pained, troubled. Dean lets out an uncertain sound, hesitating on whether or not he should put his hand on Cas’ back or not, but eventually deciding to just do it. The guy can use all the comfort he can get. Despite everything, he’s still Dean’s friend.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean whispers, pressing the side of his face against the back of Cas’ head. He hates that his friend is hurting like this, and he hates it even more that he’s the cause of it. Dean should have kept his distance, but it was just so easy to be around Cas that he never thought about where the limit should be. And now Cas is here, hurting because of him.

_He’s falling, Dean. The question is; are you going to catch him, or are you going to make him touch the ground?_

Oh, how Dean understands these words now. He thought Balthazar had been cryptic about it all, but he was actually quite literal. Everybody had seen it before him. Everybody knew before Dean did.

Cas had been falling _for him_ , and now Dean was going to let him touch the ground because he just _can’t_ catch him.

Or can he?

He notices Cas raising his head again, and now the two are staring right into each other’s eyes. Neither of them are speaking, both just breathing loudly as they take in what they see in front of them.

Dean doesn’t even move when Cas leans his head forward. He doesn’t move when he feels Cas’ breath touching his skin. He doesn’t move when Cas’ lips gently pass over Dean’s, instead just opening his mouth automatically to start the actual kiss.

The two of them then finally close their eyes. Cas wraps his arms around Dean’s shoulders as well, and before either of them knows it Dean is pushing him against the wall, his hands sliding down until they’re resting on Cas’ hips. Whatever cold Dean had been feeling, it’s now completely gone with the heat coming out of their touching bodies. They’re both breathing heavily, neither of them pulling their lips from each other for even one second.

Cas wasn’t _wrong,_ this feels right indeed. So right, and so hot, and so much. He knows there’s slight panic starting to grow in his belly, but he doesn’t want to let go just yet. Not when this feeling, having Cas pressed so close against him, just feels so perfect to him.

“Ah, Dean,” Cas moans against his lips, and Dean then opens his eyes, pulling his hands away and taking a step back. He can see Cas mourning the loss of contact immediately, and some deep part in him misses it as well.

But this is his _friend_ he was just making out with. Jimmy’s brother. Another _man_. This isn’t what Dean wants now, is it?

“I can’t do this, Cas,” Dean says then, and before Cas can say something in return, Dean starts running towards the car. He knows he left his sweater inside, but he can’t stay here for one more minute.

As he drives away, he can see Cas crying; his face pressed in his hands as he still leans against the wall.

It’s all Dean’s fault.

Things just got out of hand.


	13. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I gave you a bit of heartbreak in the previous chapter, here's a new update only two days later instead of a week ^^ I was just very hyped and got excited.  
> Also, I can't really believe I've gotten this far in the story. Only five years ago I couldn't even get past writing the first chapter. I'm glad all of you like the story. Every single comment fills my heart with joy, so thank you all <3

Crap.

It’s literally the first thing that comes to mind when he wakes up. He opens his eyes, takes a deep breath, and immediately the thought passes.

_Crap_.

Of course, the headache doesn’t help. Dean doesn’t regret downing that entire bottle of scotch last night right before throwing it against the wall. Okay, no, he might regret that last part, because now he’s got a hangover and he can clean up his mess with the massive stinging in his brain. It’s going to be a bitch to collect all the shards.

Maybe he should just stay in bed? But that’s possibly not a good idea, either. It’s too much of an opportunity to start thinking back of whatever happened yesterday. He’s pretty sure Ellen is pissed at him for running off during his working hours. He wouldn’t really know; he turned off his phone after people kept on calling him.

He didn’t want to talk to anybody yesterday, and he’s feeling pretty much the same right now. Because what could he possibly say?

“ _Yeah no I panicked because I made out with my friend and actually liked it, but here’s the punchline; I’m not even gay.”_

No, that’s probably not such a good idea.

“Oh God,” Dean mutters as he presses his face back into the pillow. It’s actually true; he _kissed_ Cas. He pressed the guy against the wall, put his hands on his hips when their lips were touching. He actually _enjoyed_ it. This is all just so messed up.

Staying in bed clearly isn’t a good idea, either. He gets up despite feeling as if he’s about the black out again any minute, and slowly but surely he makes his way to the bathroom where he fishes out some painkillers. It’s his own damn fault that he’s hurting, and he knows he deserves the headache, but he won’t be able to get _anything_ done today if he goes on like this. Besides, he’s probably already late to go to Bobby’s.

Oh, right, maybe he _should_ turn on his phone and actually call the guy. It’s a wonder even that nobody’s been knocking on his door to check out on him.

Of course, that’s the exact moment where somebody _actually_ knocks on his door, and Dean can’t help the sigh escaping from his lips. He quickly takes a tablet, throws it in a glass of water, and then heads to the door to check out who it could possibly be.

_Please not Jimmy, please not Jimmy, please not Jimmy…_

With trouble, Dean manages to turn the key, unlocking the door. It can’t be Jimmy though, right? Jimmy would just walk in since he knows where the spare key is. He’ll find out soon enough, though. With a grunt, he turns the knob and pulls the door back, revealing the person that has been slamming his door like a madman.

It _is_ Jimmy.

“You didn’t find the key?” Dean asks, noticing how hoarse he actually sounds. Has he been screaming yesterday? It’s a wonder nobody called the police if that’s the case.

“Hello, asshole,” Jimmy deadpans, crossing his arms and throwing him a glare. Oh he looks pissed alright. Dean knows exactly why, too. He would be pissed too if anybody did to Sammy what Dean just did to Cas.

“So, what, you’re here to give me a piece of your mind?” Dean turns around, leaving the door open so Jimmy can get in. Right, his cellphone. He needs to call Bobby and tell him that he’s not going to show up today. The guy’s probably going to be pissed as well, but what is one more person going to make as a difference right now?

“I’m here to help you get over your gay crisis,” Jimmy answers as he closes the door behind him none too softly. Dean flinches at the hard sound. After that, he heads into his room, fishes his phone out from underneath his pillow, and returns back to the living room without saying anything else. While he waits for his phone to turn back on, both Dean and Jimmy take a seat on the couch.

Jimmy’s eyes are stuck on the place where Dean had thrown his bottle against the wall. There’s a piece of the wallpaper actually destroyed because of the combination of wetness and cutting glass. The floor is probably sticky, and surely dangerous for people who aren’t wearing shoes – like Dean.

Dean, though, decides to worry about that later. Instead he grabs a blanket from the couch and throws it over himself as he checks his phone, seeing that he’s got about twenty messages and thirty missed calls. Before Jimmy can say anything, Dean starts dialing Bobby’s number.

It doesn’t take long for the man to pick up.

“ _Yeah?”_ he asks. Dean coughs and scrapes his throat.

“Yeah Bobby, it’s Dean. I overslept and I’m really not feeling great, so I’m not going to come in today. You can take it off one of my vacation days, I guess,” Dean mutters. Bobby sighs on the other line, but stays quiet for a long time.

“ _You better take care of the mess you made, boy. You worried a lot of people yesterday and I heard your man didn’t take it too well, either.”_

Dean doesn’t answer. Instead he pulls the phone back, ends the call, and then he throws the device a little further away. He doesn’t need it for now.

“Cas is-?”

“Already on the plane,” Jimmy answers, suddenly not sounding _that_ angry anymore. Dean looks up in surprise, seeing his best friend sitting there, looking annoyed but worried at the same time. This is weird.

“And he’s-?”

“Feeling like shit. He also told Crowley that he’s retiring after this.”

Dean nods, unable to look his friend in the eye anymore.

“Listen, Dean, I _am_ pretty pissed that you hurt my brother, but at the same time you’re also my best friend. I know you have trouble when it comes to relationships or love in general, and I know that you’re pretty much allergic to talking about feelings.”

“Then why are we even having this conversation?” Dean mutters. Jimmy rolls his eyes.

“Because, _this_? This will only make both _you_ and Cassie unhappy. You might not realize it, but I’ve _seen_ the way you act around my brother. I’ve known it for a little while now, but I just didn’t realize _you_ didn’t.” Jimmy sighs again and passes a hand through his hair. “That day when you let him sleep on your couch? When he came back from Korea?”

Dean nods, remembering very well what happened there. When his eyes drops to his hand, he remembers the glass with the painkiller. Quickly he takes a drink.

“Cassie and I had a little chat back then. I guess it was easy to make him talk when he was jetlagged like that. Anyway, I asked him about his feelings for you, and he admitted everything to me.” Jimmy shakes his head again, and a small smirk appears on his lips. “I asked him about Balthazar, and he kept on repeating that, in comparison to you, whatever he ever felt for Balthazar is insignificant.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Dean asks, feeling this ache in his chest once again while Jimmy talks.

“Because, you need to understand that my brother _loves_ you, Dean,” Jimmy says. “And I’m about to point out why I’m sure _you_ love _him_ , too.”

“You people need to stop assuming my feelings! You have _no_ idea how I feel! Nobody does!”

Jimmy nods calmly. “And that’s because you don’t let us in,” he says. “You don’t tell us how you feel. You never did, and so it’s easy for us to make assumptions.”

“What do you want me to say, huh?” Dean then asks. “Want me to talk about my feelings? Fine! Everything sucks, okay? I get my dreams shattered by my homophobic father who didn’t want me figure skating! I had to drop out of high school early because the man never got over my mother’s death and literally drunk himself to the grave! He died with a bottle of scotch in his hand, and I’m left all alone in taking care of my little brother, who then later on just decides to head to college and leave me in Kansas all by myself!

“So I have to leave my _home_ because I can’t keep up the house on my own, end up here where I can’t even get a _decent_ job because I never fucking even finished high school so I’m stuck with two jobs I only have because these people I now call family took pity on me! My only way of relaxing is by skating, but every time I try out the skating that I actually _want_ to do, my father comes back haunting me with his goddamn words and I can’t even fucking continue without falling on my ass!”

Dean is out of breath when he finishes talking. His heart is beating way too fast, and his eyes are stinging. Oh, that last bit is probably because of the tears rolling down over his cheeks. In front of him, Jimmy is just staring at him, staying extremely calm despite Dean practically shouting all of this at him. Dean turns his head away, quickly rubbing away the tears and sniffing a bit. Right, this is exactly what happens when Dean bottles up his feelings; when somebody gets on his nerves hard enough, he ends up spilling everything.

“That’s not all you have to say, though,” Jimmy suddenly says, and Dean huffs out a breath while letting out a bitter laugh.

“You’re right. Because somewhere in between all this, I managed to make a friend. A good friend, with whom I like to spend time with. But because I can’t realize when things are getting out of control, that friend ends up falling in love with the _one_ guy that _can’t_ return those feelings.”

“Are you sure?”

“What?” Dean frowns again, leaning his head against the back of the couch while observing his best friend in front of him.

“Are you sure you can’t love him in return?” Jimmy asks. Dean takes a deep breath and looks away. It’s too early for this; Dean’s hungover, and not really in control of what he’s saying now, anyway.

“I don’t-“ Dean starts, but he already knows the answer to that. And he’s pretty sure Jimmy knows the answer as well.

“Listen, Dean, if you decide not to go through with this, sure, things might get awkward. But after a while Cas _will_ get over it, and I’m sure we can all just hang out together without much worry,” Jimmy clarifies. Dean ignores that sharp sting in his chest at the mention of Cas getting over him. “But think about this; what would the _downside_ be of you two being together?”

Dean can’t find the answer. Sure, there are plenty of reasons why Dean would be the worst boyfriend ever; it’s probably why he’s given up on dating in the first place. But anything that would be bad enough to make a relationship with Cas impossible?

Oh, God, did he really just think about having a relationship with Cas?

“But I like women, Jim… I feel attracted to _them…”_ Dean still tries, knowing that he’s losing this battle.

“Does that mean that you can’t feel attracted to my brother?” Jimmie tries. “There’s more than just straight or gay, Dean. You can be attracted to women all you want, but it’s also possible to like men, as well. And there’s no shame in that.”

“Tell that to my father,” Dean huffs. Man, he’s feeling horrible. Maybe he should just get back to bed after all, if he wants to make the drive to Stanford tomorrow. His whole body aches, his eyes sting, and he’s sure he’s about to pass out when he sees dark sports appear in front of his eyes.

“Your father isn’t here anymore, Dean,” Jimmy tells him. “You’re free to be with who-ever you want. You’re free to perform the sport _you_ want to do.”

Dean looks up again while taking a deep breath.

“If you want to go figure skating, _go_ figure skating! It’s never too late to pick it up again, and I know you’re talented enough to end up on the top.”

Dean sighs. He’s never really been good with being praised like this. He knows that he has the skills, and he knows that there isn’t an age-limit when it comes to participating in these competitions. But Dean has lost so many years; so much practice that he’s missed. So many lessons he could have had with Annie. He’s not the best, yet, and he still has a long way to go before he is. And maybe, by the time he’s ready, he could be thirty!

“What are you going to do now?” Jimmy asks. Dean just shrugs.

“I’m gonna go back to bed, head to my brother’s tomorrow to think things through I guess…” Dean says, knowing that Jimmy wouldn’t be satisfied until Dean admits that he’s not going to let all of this go without thinking it over at least.

“Do you want me to say something to my brother?”

Dean nods. “Tell him I’m sorry. And that we’ll talk when he gets back from China. I’m sure, after that, I’ll have things sorted out.”

Jimmy hums in agreement and then gets up from the couch. Then he walks to Dean, fishes the glass out of his hand and puts it on the table next to them. He nods his head towards Dean’s room with a slight smile on his face.

“You head to bed, I’ll clean up a bit, here,” Jimmy decides. Dean wants to protest, tell him that it’s Dean who should clean up his own mess, but he can’t find the energy to say something in return. Instead he nods, gets up with much trouble, and slowly starts making his way to his bed.

He’s got a lot to think about, but right now, he’s just too tired. The moment he closes his eyes, he’s out.

 

* * *

 

 

The drive to California takes about one day and six hours, which is why Dean leaves early in the morning. Before heading out, though, Dean still decides to make a quick stop at the Roadhouse to apologize to Ellen for bailing on her during a crowded evening. She assured him that things are forgiven, as long as it doesn’t happen again.

His talk with Jimmy isn’t forgotten at all, and it’s what stays on his mind for most of the time while he drives himself through the different states to get to his brother’s. He knows that Jimmy is right, and that Dean is free to live his life the way _he_ wants it, but what is it that Dean exactly wants?

With every plane that Dean catches in the sky, he wonders how Cas is doing. He knows the man has to skate the 27th and 28th, meaning that he still has a few days before he’s up. Dean needs to make sure that he can follow his program live on TV. And maybe he needs to tell Cas that he’s actually watching. If the guy is so sure he can’t skate without Dean nearby, it might help him a bit to know that Dean is still watching him.

That, or he could possibly not want anything more to do with him. He might hate him enough not to pick up the phone.

After driving for almost twenty hours, Dean takes a break at a nearby motel. There are fourteen more hours to go, so after a sleep of five hours, Dean heads out again. Slowly but surely he starts getting to the sunnier side of the country and he needs to fish out his sunglasses from his little cabinet. He lets down the windows the moment he passes the border of California, and by evening he finds himself parking down his car right in front of Sam and Jessica’s shared apartment.

They’re happy to see him, of course they are. Dean receives a hug from both of them, but he can catch their worried glances. It’s not _too_ surprising that they would figure out he’s not in top condition right now.

That same evening they go out to a restaurant and get some fancy dinner together. Sam and Jessica talk about how they’re doing at school, and in turn Dean tells a little bit about what has been going on in Pontiac for the last few weeks. He doesn’t bring up everything, but that’s mostly because even he doesn’t understand everything just happened yet.

He’s under no illusions that it won’t be long until Sam will bring it up. The guy is simply waiting for the right time. Dean knows it’s unavoidable, so he simply tries to make the best with this one evening he’ll get.

Right now, he doesn’t need to think. He’s got his brother, Jessica, and there’s nothing more he could ask for.

But that’s not true. Dean looks at the fourth chair at the table right after the waiter walks off to pass along their orders. In front of him, Sam is saying something to Jessica. Their hands are resting on the table, fingers tangled together in a gentle hold. Whatever they’re talking about, Dean can’t hear it as he takes in the empty place next to him.

That place shouldn’t be empty, his mind tells him. There should be somebody sitting there, and Dean shouldn’t pretend not to know who that exact person would be.

“Dean?” Sam asks, and Dean looks up in surprise. Both his brother and his girlfriend are looking at him in concern. Crap, he needs to lay them off. They don’t need to worry about him. Not right now.

“Yeah, no, just daydreaming. You needed to say something?” Dean counters, trying to wave away the moment that just happened. Sam seems to hesitate for a little while then, but then clears his throat as he looks back at Jessica. A small smile comes up at both their faces.

“Yeah, uhm, I wanted you to be the first to know,” Sam starts, nodding towards Jessica who then holds up her left hand, showing a brand-new ring on her finger. Dean’s mouth falls open in surprise, and his heart makes an extra jump.

No way…

“After we graduate, Jess and I are getting married,” Sam announces proudly. Dean lets out a huff of breath, and then automatically lets the corner of his lips come back up in a broad smile.

“Holy shit, guys, that’s amazing!” Dean says. Sure, Sam’s young, only turning twenty-two coming May, but Dean can see that Sam’s absolutely sure about Jessica. The girl is sweet, and gentle, and Dean couldn’t wish for anything more from a sister-in-law.

They talk some more about their plans for the future once their food appears. Dean listens to everything they’re telling him, and more often than not his eyes get stuck on the ring on Jessica’s finger.

His little brother is getting married. This feels so unreal for a little while.

The moment they get back to the apartment, Jessica announces that she’s going to bed, claiming that she has an early class in the morning. Dean would believe her, but he knows well enough she’s just trying to give Sam a moment alone with his brother.

The two are sitting on the couch, zapping through the channels until they land on a random football game between two teams they’ve never heard about before.

Let’s see how long Sam can last before he starts asking.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

“You know, Dean, you can always tell me everything, right?”

Ah, there it is. Four seconds. Must be a record, Dean thinks to himself.

“I’m fine, little brother,” Dean assures Sam. He’s lying, of course, but there won’t be a day where Dean starts talking about his feelings without resisting at least a little bit at first. Sam snorts next to him, obviously not believing him.

“Dude, I’ve known you my whole life, and I know whenever something’s wrong. Just… you don’t have to keep it to yourself if it gets too much,” Sam counters. Dean lets out a soft chuckle while shaking his head. He leans back against the couch, letting out a long breath and just enjoying being close to his brother for a few seconds before opening his mouth again.

The words flow out so easily once he opens his mouth. He tells Sam everything; starting from the way their dad reacted at Dean’s competition and finishing with everything that happened with Cas. Sam doesn’t interrupt him at all, nodding and humming at the right moments. His eyes are focused while Dean talks, lips pressed together into a thin line. His arm is leaning over the back of the couch, mirroring Dean’s position.

Though Dean hates discussing things like this, even he has to agree that it feels great to have all that weight off of him. Talking with Jimmy is one thing, but if there’s somebody that knows Dean the best, it’s Sam. Sam would know what to do.

“Dean, you know dad was an ass, right?” Sam asks when Dean is finished talking. The other man snorts in response. John Winchester being an ass? That’s an understatement.

“Yeah yeah, I know, I should stop listening to him now that he’s gone,” Dean says while waving his hand. He’s heard that before.

“Dean, seriously, the family we have now, Ellen, Jo, Bobby… you know they wouldn’t care whether you would bring home a girl or a guy. They love you either way, and I’m pretty sure Jimmy thinks the same.”

“It’s not that, Sammy,” Dean returns. “I’ve never… it’s never been a guy before, you see? I know what I’m doing with women, but I wouldn’t even know how to start describing the feeling I get when I’m around Cas.”

Sam nods again, but then he shrugs. “Just do what you would normally do, Dean,” Sam says. “Remember how nervous you were when you and Lisa got together at first?”

“Yeah, and that relationship ended up failing,” Dean deadpans, not understanding in the slightest why Sam would even bring that up.

“Because in the end you two didn’t fit. And that’s okay, it happens. But… not trying to figure it out with Cas… I think you might regret it if you wouldn’t take the risk,” Sam clarifies. Dean blinks a few times; Sam’s words somehow make perfectly sense. Dean _can’t_ predict the future; things might not work out with Cas, but just imagine they might? Imagine that Cas would be the person he would end up proposing to? That he would be the person he would want to start a family with.

“I need to get to Shanghai,” Dean mutters, more to himself. He’s aware of the confused sound escaping from Sam’s lips. In his mind he’s trying to make calculations; there’s a sixteen hour difference between here and Shanghai. Depending on the flight duration, Dean might probably still make it in time for the competition with enough time to at least partially sleep off his jetlag.

“Let’s book you a flight, then,” Sam calmly says, and he gets up to fetch his laptop. Dean is close to just jump into his car and just drive all the way to the airport right now, but there might not be a flight at this hour. It’s almost midnight. The best he could do is take an early one tomorrow.

Sam returns with his laptop, and the two brothers sit next to each other as they search through the different flight hours. They find a flight at nine in the morning, which is still enough time for Dean to pack his stuff and drive all the way to the airport. The flight takes thirteen and a half hour, and he would arrive in Shanghai the twenty-sixth at two-thirty in the afternoon. He can get to a hotel, sleep off the jetlag as much as he can, and then he can start his search for the skating rink the next day.

This should work. The only obstacle here is the actual flight.

Even in his dreams, despite the anticipation of getting back to Cas, the fear of crashing down to the surface of the Earth is still high. The morning afterwards, Dean barely manages to eat anything with the fear that he’s going to throw up the moment they take off.

Jessica is brought up to date with the current situation. When they leave around seven-thirty, she hugs him goodbye, keeping him in a strong hold and telling him she would have come with him if she didn’t have a class this morning – so apparently that _wasn’t_ a lie.

Before Dean can hand in his ticket, he quickly turns to Sam and wraps him in a strong hug.

“Thank you, Sammy,” Dean tells him. Sam just shakes his head and laughs.

“Go get your guy, big brother,” he returns. Dean nods, and after that they part their ways. Sam heads back to the Impala, and Dean manages to make his way to the plane.

The seats aren’t optimal, and the guy sitting next to him isn’t really helping with his nerves. He’s sure he’s being laughed at by the guy when he starts humming Metallica in an attempt to keep calm.

“Nervous flyer?” the guy asks with a massive smirk. Dean huffs out a breath.

“You have no idea,” he mutters out.

The take-off is probably the worst part. The shaking and the loud noises are enough to make Dean believe that he’s never going to get home again. When he understands that he needs to make two stops until he can finally get to Shanghai, he’s even close to puking.

No, he needs to get through this. Things will be fine; Cas takes the plane all the time. If he can manage it, Dean surely can, too.

After a two-hour flight, Dean arrives in Seattle. There he takes the flight to Vancouver, and from there it will be a straight voyage to Shanghai. Only on the second flight there isn’t any Wi-Fi, but that isn’t really something Dean is worried about.

By the time that he’s in the plane that will bring him to China at last, his body seems to be shaking constantly. The take-offs are still the worst part, but the turbulence comes close behind that, as well. Not to mention the landings, either.

Dean is glad when Jimmy sends him the details about Cas’ whereabouts in Shanghai. The event is at the Shanghai Oriental Sports Center, and Cas is staying at a hotel nearby. The place is more expensive than Dean can afford – he’s probably spent all his savings on this flight alone – but it’s not like Dean is actually going to have to get a room there.

During the quiet parts of the flight, Dean manages to catch some sleep. It helps him get through the longer part of the voyage, and after he wakes up again, it’s with the news that they’ve got two more hours before landing.

Right, Dean quickly gathers his papers about the hotel they’ve booked at yesterday – or was it the day before that? Dean’s lost track of time with all these hour-differences here.

He realizes quickly enough that, once he’s in Shanghai, it’s mostly improvisation. He needs to find a place where he can transfer his money and get some local cash. Then he needs to take a cab that will bring him to the hotel. There he needs to sleep everything off, and the next day there’s the mission of finding the Sports Center, hopefully without the help of a cab if it’s not _too_ far away.

The landing is horrible, and Dean is once again close to puking the moment they’ve touched down. Everybody is up quickly, making their way out of the plane in such a quick tempo that Dean figures they’re all pretty much used to travelling like this. Dean takes a little longer before he’s up. The flight attendant smiles at him once he leaves the plane, and he just grunts and waves her up, knowing that he might appear unfriendly but unable to change anything about it.

It takes about half an hour before he _finally_ gets his luggage. It takes another thirty minutes before he can find a place to change his money. He transfers a high enough sum, hoping that it’s enough. After that, there’s just the mission of getting a cab to stop for him, which takes him about another half hour.

The hotel he’s booked with Sam is small and cheap. There aren’t many rooms at all, and the beds are crappy, but it had been the only thing in affordable range. He’s not complaining at all, though, once he touches the bed. He falls asleep almost immediately.

Man, this was quite the adventure…

 

* * *

 

 

“Excuse me, Shanghai Oriental Sports Center?”

The person walks him by without giving him any attention. It’s about the fifth citizen Dean has asked, and so far all he got were two people who weren’t able to tell him anything in English and three that completely ignored him.

It’s now two in the afternoon. The sun is low in the sky, but it’s still quite hot outside. There are some clouds up, and there’s a clear indication that it will rain later in the day. Dean just hopes that the drops will only start falling once he’s _inside_ the sports center instead of outside.

The event starts at four thirty, meaning that Dean still has about three more hours to find the place. He’s been on the search for more than two hours now, and the urge to just book a cab and pay for it gets stronger by the minute. That means a lot since his memory of the ugly green Volkswagen yesterday wasn’t really the best one. The driver had been friendly enough, but when even Dean doesn’t feel safe in a car, it means something.

Despite setting an alarm, Dean ended up sleeping in until eleven in the morning, which means he literally slept for over twelve hours. And even all those hours of sleep aren’t enough to help him with the general uneasiness he feels all over his body.

“Excuse me!” Dean shouts when he sees another young man walking by. The boy – it’s a teenager, Dean notes – looks up with big brown eyes and lets his mouth drop open.

“Yes, can I help you?” he asks, accent strong on his English, but he speaks the language fluidly enough. Finally! Someone that can help him forward!

“I need to find Shanghai Oriental Sports Center?” The boy nods and offers him a smile.

“I knew I recognized you, you were in the news for a while, right? Dean Winchester?”

Dean nods wildly, not believing that his appearance with Cas on quite a few news-anchors is what gets him help in the first place. It had been quite the story; two men trying out pair skating together and the whole world protesting because they couldn’t compete together. It makes good sensation, but it’s still not true. Still, Dean doesn’t correct him. It would be lucky if Dean would even still get the _chance_ to try out pair skating with Cas in the future.

“Yes, I’ll take you there. I was on my way there as well, but it’s a two-hour walk so I was planning on taking the subway,” the boy says. “My name’s Lei Yàn, but you can call me Yàn.” The boy holds out his hand, and Dean accepts the shake with his own.

“I’m Dean.”

The boy nods, and then he removes his earbuds and starts walking again. Dean just follows him quietly, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. When Yàn walks them towards some stairs that will bring them underground, Dean takes a deep breath.

This is it; after this, he’ll just need to find a way to get inside, and he can get to Cas. He can tell him everything he should have said that one evening, he can (hopefully) pull him in his arms and not let go for a long time.

The only trouble now left is how he’s going to get in. As far as he knows, there were still a few tickets left. With that, he hopes that he can still purchase one once he’ll get there. But, having a ticket means that he’s stuck in the public, and not at the sides of the rink. It would mean that he would have to get Cas’ attention one way or another, but that in turn would mean that everybody will be watching them.

_Right, it’s worth it_ , Dean tells himself with a deep breath. He shakes his head for a while, paying for the ticket to get on the subway, and then he takes a seat next to Yàn.

He’s a friendly kid, talking about ice skating but eventually also bringing up inline skating. He bought tickets for this competition because his girlfriend is a big fan of Cas’, and she wanted to see him. She’ll meet him there, he explains when Dean asks where she is.

Yán himself is more a fan of inline skating, which is why he must be getting along with Dean so well. They talk a bit about the different types of skates, and eventually they end up discussing the seriousness of the freestyle skating championships. Dean doesn’t think it’s _that_ big of a deal, but Yàn seems really put on entering as a contestant one day.

After another hour of travel, Yàn finally gets up, gesturing for Dean to follow him. Dean has no idea where they are, unable to read anything around him. He makes sure that his wallet is still safe in his pocket, and then he follows Yàn out. The clouds have gotten bigger already; Dean can feel the first drops falling down on his face.

“It’s another twenty minutes walking now,” Yàn says after that. He grabs his backpack a bit tighter, and then starts moving forward again. Ignoring the rain for now, Dean follows suit again, so extremely glad the kid is with him. He knows that this whole voyage has been _very_ impulsive, so if he hadn’t found this kid, he probably wouldn’t even have found the damn place at all.

By the time it’s close to storming, they arrive at the Sports Center where they’re faced with an enormous crowd. It’s three thirty now, meaning that he has one more hour to figure out how he’ll get inside. Yàn next to him already has his ticket, which means they’ll have to go their own ways after this.

The moment they get to the crowd, a young girl throws herself at Yàn, who starts laughing and hugs the girl in return. Dean figures it’s the guy’s girlfriend, who looks indeed _extremely_ happy about being here.

The two talk to each other in Chinese while Dean looks around, trying to find anything resembling a ticket booth. Or maybe he’ll have better luck outside; somebody might sell their ticket for a good price. It’s something that happens at _every_ event.

He can’t really see anything at all. Maybe he should ask Yàn quickly before saying goodbye. And thanking him, of course! The guy just did him a great favor.

“Sorry, Yàn, do you have any idea where I can get a ticket around here?” Dean asks the boy, and the pair pulls apart after that. Yàns girlfriend stares at him with wide eyes and her mouth fallen open in shock. Yàn just rests his finger on his chin as he starts looking around. When he sees something, he makes a happy sound.

“Ah! You need to follow those red plates; they’ll bring you to the ticket booth,” Yàn says, pointing to the right direction. Dean follows the guy’s finger, seeing indeed plates of different colors hanging around here. The red one is on his left.

“Great, thanks!” Dean says, and he holds out his hand towards the teenage boy. Yàn returns the gesture, and as they shake both share a small smile. “You might have saved my future relationship.”

The girl makes a high pitched noise next to Yàn upon hearing that. The boy just snorts.

“This is my girlfriend Meihui. Like I said, she’s a big fan of your man,” Yàn says with a wink. Dean just lets out a laugh and holds out his hand towards the girl as well.

“Nice to meet you,” Dean says. Meihui barely manages to respond, but as their hands touch, the girl starts smiling again.

“Tell to Castiel that I wish good luck to him,” she says with a bright smile. Dean then nods, hoping that he’ll get the chance for it. The girl’s accent is even thicker than her boyfriend’s, and it seems to be a bit harder for her to talk in the language, but she seems to manage well enough for Dean to understand her.

“I hope I’ll get to see him before his performance,” Dean answers. Then he pulls away again, and bows his head to the both of them. “I need to get my ticket now. Wish me luck, as well!”

“Good luck!”

And with that, Dean runs off again, heading to his left and following the red plates. There, he sees something that resembles a ticket booth. There’s quite a line, already. Dean just hopes it won’t get sold out the moment he gets there.

It takes ten minutes for him to get his turn, and when he starts to explain in English that he wants to get a ticket, the woman just stares at him with wide eyes. For a moment, Dean wonders if she didn’t understand him. It’s possible that she can’t speak English, but Dean, in turn, can’t speak Chinese. That would mean they would have a problem, here…

“You’re Castiel’s partner, no?” she then eventually asks while she starts typing something on her computer. Dean nods wildly, suddenly thanking who-ever uploaded these pictures of them together. Despite his anger at them at first, his sudden appearance on the news _really_ seems to help him forward right now.

“Yes, and I _really_ need to speak to Cas before his competition. We had a really bad fight a few days ago, and I need to make things right again.”

“If I give you ticket for public, you won’t be able to talk,” the girl says as she stops typing. “You can try shouting and get his attention. Then he can tell his coach to get a pass for you. Sadly, I cannot get you one.”

“That’s okay, I’ll get his attention,” Dean assures her. He’ll search for Cas, get close enough to him, and then he’ll shout his lungs out. As long as it’s enough to have him know Dean’s there. If Cas thinks he performs better with Dean around, at least that could help if Dean wouldn’t be able to get down in time.

Dean pays the price she calls out, and with a quick thanks he takes over his ticket. The girl, too, wishes him good luck and then points him towards the line he needs to follow. Dean throws her a small wave, and follows the line. A little further away, he can see Yàn and Meihui, handing over their ticket and walking through the doors. They notice Dean right on time, and wave at him one last time. Meihui even holds out her thumb for good luck.

The line moves forward slowly. By the time he’s at the door and handing over his ticket, it’s already four in the afternoon. He has thirty more minutes, now.

He accepts the program he’s given, and then the man points towards the stairs Dean needs to follow. Dean nods, and walks up, having a quick look into the order of the contestants.

Holy crap, there’s thirty of them. That’s a lot! Luckily, Cas is the third in the program, so Dean won’t have to sit through an entire half before Cas finally arrives.

Dean expected the place to be huge, so he’s not that surprised when he finally gets up top and ends up looking over the entire arena. But, as he stands there, he suddenly realizes how slim his chances suddenly got.

If Cas would be on the other side of the arena, Dean might shout all he wants, but the guy won’t be able to hear him. Then he will perform, not knowing that Dean is there. He’ll be so focused on Dean _not_ being there, and he’ll probably screw things up. Damn it!

Oh, but wait…

Dean reaches for his pocket, fishing out his cellphone quickly and unlocking it. Next to him, a few people are passing him by and throwing him a glare for standing in the way like that. Dean then starts walking down the stairs, all the way down while his fingers quickly search for Cas’ number.

Eventually, he finds it. In record time, he presses the call button, and holds the phone to his ear. The line goes over, and Dean patiently waits until Cas picks up.

But he doesn’t. Eventually, Dean is brought to voicemail, quickly enough that Dean knows Cas hung up on him instead of actually missing the call. Dean just tries again, but the same thing happens.

Crap crap crap! It’s only ten more minutes before it starts.

Dean decides to quickly take a seat. He finds an empty place somewhere in the front. His eyes are passing over every person that is walking on the sidelines. Cameras are being prepared, coaches are running back and forth. Dean catches a few of the skaters, but none of them are Cas.

His heart is literally racing. He quickly tries calling one more time. It’s still the same result.

Around them, Dean hears somebody announce that the skaters can get warmed up on the ice. The public starts shouting at the appearance of the contestants. Dean just searches for Cas, finding him getting on the rink last.

Wow, he looks like crap. Dean’s heart aches upon seeing him like this. He’s hunched forward, his movements stiff… When he tries out for a jump, Dean flinches the moment he falls down on the ice. Around him, people gasp in surprise. Luckily, some of the skaters help Cas back up.

Dean just wants to go down there. Wants to tell him that he’s here, that he understands now. That he feels the same thing Cas feels.

Maybe he should just climb down? No, that’s probably not a good idea, unless he wants security at his side… Still, he walks towards the rail in front of him, and leans forward as much as he can. Cas is close enough he might still hear him.

“CAS!” Dean shouts as loud as he can, and the man actually looks up. Just in the wrong direction. Damn it! Dean wants to shout again, but as he tries to speak something goes wrong in his throat and he ends up coughing, instead. Cas, in turn, seems to have given up looking for the source of the sound.

“Damnit,” Dean mutters when Cas is, again, on the complete other side. This is going to be more difficult than expected.

After the warm-up is over, the skaters get off the ice again, and more announcements are made. Dean doesn’t understand much of it. All he can see is that Cas is not too far away, but still not close enough for Dean to try shouting again. Could he run all the way there?

Dean tries calling one more time. He _sees_ Cas taking the phone from Crowley again, staring at it for a few seconds before pressing on his screen. He hung up, again.

Dean lets out a frustrated sound. The first contestant, some French guy, meanwhile starts with his short program. Dean quickly takes back his seat, ignoring the strange looks he’s getting from his neighbors.

He tries calling three more times. The first time, he sees Cas looking at the screen, but ignoring it. The second time, Cas ends the call. By the time the French guy is finished with his program, Dean tries for the last time. This time, he can see Cas sigh, pressing the screen, and finally lifting the phone to his ear.

“ _What?!”_ Cas snaps through the other line. Dean lets out a loud relieved sigh, and huffs disbelievingly. Cas turns around until his back is facing Dean, and he starts walking away.

“Cas, stay where you are!” Dean quickly shouts, and Cas stands still.

“ _Dean, I’m not in the mood for your games,”_ Cas mutters. Dean then grabs his coat, stands up again, and starts running towards where Cas is. It takes some squeezing past some legs, but it’s not impossible.

“It’s not a game, I promise, just turn to your left and don’t hang up,” Dean begs of him. He can hear Cas sigh on the other side of the line, but the man complies. He turns around slightly, and keeps the phone against his ear. Dean is almost there.

“ _Why am I doing this?”_ Cas asks bitterly. Dean finds himself out of breath when he finally gets to the other side. Now he runs back towards the railing, and leans forward again.

“Just look up,” Dean says, unable to hold back his smile. He can see Cas frown underneath him, but the moment the other man sees him, his eyes go wide and his mouth falls open. That must be the fourth time Dean gets this reaction, but this is the first time today that it really matters.

“ _Dean,”_ Cas mutters out. The second contestant then starts his program. Crap, Dean needs to hurry.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said, Cas,” Dean starts, hoping that the man can still hear him through the music playing. “And you’re right, I _do_ feel the same. I was confused, and I was scared, but now I understand.”

He hears a sniff from the other side of the line. When he looks right at Cas, he can see his eyes glittering, probably wet from tears.

“You might need me, but I know now that I need you, too, Cas. We need each other, and it took me a while to see it, but now I do. I’m sorry that it took so long.”

“ _Dean…”_ Cas starts, but then he lets out a long breath. Dean throws him a small smile.

“You don’t have to say anything now, Cas. Just skate your best, and I’ll see you afterwards, okay? We can talk things through?”

He can see Cas nod and smile in return. When Crowley addresses him, Cas looks away for a few seconds. On the other side of the line, Dean can barely catch the two different voices. What they’re saying, Dean doesn’t know.

“ _I need to hang up now,”_ Cas says eventually. Dean nods then. “ _Thank you for being here, Dean. I asked Crowley to prepare a pass for you. You can get it at the entrance in a few minutes.”_

“I’ll get it after you finish,” Dean assures him. Cas nods again, and then he rubs away a tear from his face. “Show the world what you can do, champion.” After that, he hangs up, and waves at Cas one last time. The skater on the ice meanwhile starts finishing his program. Cas walks away, getting himself ready for his own turn.

Dean looks around for a little bit, trying to find another empty spot. Luck must be on his side, because there are about four more seats in the front row. Dean quickly takes place there, ignoring the strange looks he’s getting.

After the second contestant is finished and his results are announced, Cas gets himself on the ice. The crowd starts shouting in enthusiasm the moment he enters the rink, and even Dean finds himself shouting along. This time, Cas looks more confident. He’s standing more straight, shoulders no longer slumping down. He looks strong, just the way he’s supposed to look.

An announcement is made, but Dean doesn’t understand much of it. He does notice Cas casting a quick look in his direction. Dean waves at him, but he’s not sure he’s seen. Eventually, the music starts, and Cas begins.

The effect Cas has on the ice seems magical. All around him, people stop talking almost simultaneously. It feels like the _entire_ arena is quiet while Cas moves, performing his jumps effortlessly and nailing every single one of them.

Cas is doing just fine, and Dean _has_ seen the program already. Right now, all he wants is to be there at the sides when Cas has finished. He has less than three minutes, though. In a quick movement, Dean jumps up again, running up the stairs and getting back through the door that will bring him back down. Once he storms through the door, a few people look at him in confusion, but nobody stops him.

Dean runs to the entrance, finding the same girl as before still sitting there. She saw him arrive, and the moment he’s close enough, she hands him the pass Crowley must have had made for him. Dean thanks the woman quickly.

“You need to follow blue arrows now,” the woman instructs him, and Dean nods. Then he runs off again, following every single damn arrow he finds. When he’s stopped by two security-men, Dean just shows them the pass and is allowed inside.

Getting himself through the nervous skaters that still have to perform after this, Dean wonders if Cas’ program is already over. In top speed, Dean opens the doors that will bring him back in the arena.

Cas is still on the ice. Good. Now Dean needs to find Crowley again. He’s not too hard to spot, only a little further away. As Dean runs once more, he feels his legs getting tired at last.

“Ah, it looks like our hero saved the day,” Crowley says when Dean finally stands next to him. The man can’t answer, being too out of breath to bring out a single word. The music around them stops, and the audience starts shouting loudly. Cas is standing in the middle, holding out his final pose while his eyes still seem to search through where Dean had been only a few minutes ago.

The change in him is immediate when, instead, he finds Dean standing at the sides. Ignoring all the stuff that is thrown on the ice for him, the skater instead hurries back to his coach and Dean.

“Dean!” Cas shouts. Dean just opens his arms, and the moment Cas is close enough he throws himself in them.

It feels so good to have Cas back in his arms again. No, not just good; it feels literally perfect. Dean breathes in the familiar scent from the man in his arms, and presses his face in Cas’ hair. His arms tighten their hold even more than before. He barely notices the loud cheers around them.

“I still can’t believe you’re here, Dean!” Cas exclaims. The two pull back a little bit, but their faces are still close together.

“I can understand that; I _did_ have to take a plane to get here,” Dean jokes. Cas just snorts, and then leans his face forward to catch Dean’s lips with his own. Dean answers immediately, and this time, there’s no more panic. No more hesitation.

All there is, right now, is Cas. Nothing else really matters for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the story looks like it's finished, but there's still so much more to tell. Let's just say that this was part one, and that part two will start with next chapter ;-)


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this could be confusing, but I have to admit that I've been struggling with the story ever since the part in Shanghai was finished. I felt like the story wasn't over, but the longer I kept on writing, the more I realized I should have stopped there. So instead, I have taken the chapters after Shanghai, and put them in a new story and made a series out of it. There are more possible time-stamps coming soon, but as for the actual story, it is finished at last.  
> If anybody is still reading this, thank you all for everything. Also everybbody who has given me such kind comments and made me believe that this story is not crap on ice. There are still Instagram-pictures that will be added in the Time-stamps after I color them in. I might add a short story with each drawing, but those are worries for later!  
> Now, enjoy the epilogue

_February 14 th, 2018  
_ _Gangneung Ice Arena, Pyeongchang, South Korea_

 

Nobody is surprised with the results. Of course not, since he’s been practicing his ass off to get to where he is standing now; proud, in the middle, about to be handed a shiny round golden medal.

The past three days have been a nightmare almost; Cas has been jumpy all over, snappish about everything that bothers him, and more often than not he’s given Dean the silent treatment when his nerves just got the best of him. But now here they are; Cas performed his free skating program flawlessly, resulting in multiple surprised gasps coming from the audience when he, once more, ended up surprising him by breaking his own damn world record twice more in both his programs.

Despite the ten more contestants after him, everybody already knew who the winner was going to be the moment he stepped off the ice. And now, much as everybody expected it, his name is being called: a cue for him to step back on the ice and join his fellow winners onto the podium. Dean’s smile is so wide it almost hurts when he sees Cas’s exhausted but happy face, waving at his fans cheering him on.

He’s done great. He deserves this.

After Cas gets on the podium smoothly with his skates on, Dean sees another figure coming to stand at the opening of the rink. This man is not wearing skates, and will probably walk on the carpet to reach the podium. Who he is, Dean doesn’t really know. It had been a pain to talk to him given how little English he spoke, but eventually the two had managed to have a small conversation a few minutes ago.

When the man turns his head around, he notices Dean standing there. He gives Dean a nod, and gets a nod in return. After that, the man is, too, called on the ice and starts to walk to the podium with two girls in weird dresses following him. Dean clears his throat and bends down to pick up his bag.

It’s probably about time to change, he figures.

Without getting the entire happening out of his sight, Dean sits down on the bench he and Cas had been sitting on a few times during the entire event. With practiced movements, he opens up his skates, and after getting out of his shoes he quickly puts them on. People applaud when the bronze medal is finally given to some Thai boy – couldn’t be older than twenty, and at the same time the youngest person standing on the podium.

Dean takes a few more breaths before tying the laces of the skates. He turns his feet a little bit to check if they’re comfortable inside, and then he stands up again. He blinks while balling and loosening his fists, and watches how the second medal is given to the Japanese twenty-four year old with a kind smile. According to Cas, that man had been the one to win back in 2014 where Cas had participated as well.

“You’re really going to do this, right?” suddenly comes from behind him, but Dean would recognize that voice everywhere. He quickly turns around, seeing Jimmy standing there with one-year old daughter sitting on his shoulders. Claire looks like she’s ready to go back to bed, being awake for quite some time now.

“You think it’s a bad idea?” Dean asks, confused as to why Jimmy would suddenly second-guess him about this. The man snorts and shakes his head.

“Of course not, but just think of that humiliation if he were to say no?” he jokes, and Dean gives him a punch in the arm before turning around again. Of course, Cas won’t say no. At least, that’s what he’s been telling himself ever since he came up with the idea.

“Looks like they’re done with Hanyu,” Jimmy then says, nodding towards the figures standing on the ice. Dean nods, hoping that the guy – whatever his name was – holds on to their agreement. The crowd applauses for the Japanese boy, and he holds up his medal and gives it a kiss. Cas, next to him, claps his hands as well, looking like he’s about to jump out of his skin.

“ _Gold medalist, and Olympic champion, representing the United States of America,”_ the presentator starts, and Dean takes another deep breath before gently getting himself onto the ice. He sees the Korean guy look behind him to confirm if Dean is there, and they give each other another not from the distance. “ _Castiel Novak!”_

Loud applause fills the room even more than before. Cas smiles widely, standing there where he’s dreamt of being for almost all of his life. Behind him, Dean can hear Jimmy shouting it out in happiness. It gives Dean another boost of reassurance.

But instead of going towards Cas, the Koran man walks away with the two girls following him. While the applause doesn’t stop, it’s still clear to see the confused looks on everybody’s faces. Cas, too, starts to frown despite his smile. And that’s when Dean moves.

By the time Dean is noticed by the audience, more loud cheers start again. Dean has dressed himself for the occasion when Cas had been taken aside for the ceremony. Dean sees his boyfriend pulling his hands up towards his mouth the moment he sees him, standing there in a white long-sleeved shirt with a red tie, and black dress pants. He takes a step back, and somebody quickly comes to stand behind him to keep him from falling.

Instead of getting to him immediately, Dean goes to the girl holding the medal and the bouquet. She, too, offers him a smile and nods at him. Then she holds up the pillow, and Dean quickly picks up the golden medal before skating back to Cas, who now has visible tears on his face and hasn’t removed his hands from his face.

With Cas being in the middle, he’s standing a lot higher than the others. Even if Dean were to jump, he wouldn’t have managed to put the thing around him, so instead he waits for Cas to calm down a little bit. He offers him a long smile, winking one short time.

“Cas, babe, you need to lean forward a bit otherwise I won’t reach you,” Dean tells him gently. Cas nods shortly, lowers his hands and bows forward until his head is at the same height as Dean’s. Slowly, Dean holds up the medal. The moment he puts it on to his partner, the audience starts to scream in excitement. Dean chuckles, accepting the bouquet from the girl and handing it to Cas. He’s taken by surprise when Cas grabs his face and kisses him strongly on the lips, and once more the audience lets him know how happy they are at the sudden turn of events.

After a few more seconds, Castiel jumps off the podium, obviously trusting Dean to catch him, which he does. They embrace each other one more time before Dean finally pulls back, still keeping one of Cas’ hands into his own.

Then he starts to kneel down. The bouquet is quickly lifted up to where Cas’ mouth is from the surprise gasp. More people start to scream. Dean is very much aware of the live viewing of this ceremony, having caught his face on the gigantic screen behind the podium.

“I kind of practiced what I wanted to say, but somehow I can’t really remember any of it,” Dean mutters, realizing his speech has literally left his brain, leaving him now standing there with no words to say but the ones coming from his heart. Maybe that’s better, though, right? “We kind of had a rough start, right? We literally argued the first time we met, and I even had to carry your ass home three times before we were even really friends.”

Some people around them laugh at that. The other two on the podium are clapping excitedly, grinning from ear to ear.

“That very first day we met, you kind-of told me you wanted nothing more than to win the Olympics. For every day afterwards, you have kept that goal in mind. There were a few times you almost gave up, but you pulled through, and that makes me probably the proudest boyfriend ever.

“But I don’t want that anymore, Cas. I don’t want to be your proud _boyfriend_ anymore. We both don’t like that word, and it just sounds like it can’t really describe what we actually feel for each other. So I figured there are other ways for us to stop being boyfriends in a way that will keep us both happy.”

Dean reaches for his back pocket, and takes the small black box out of it, holding it up to Cas at last. In it lies a simple golden band, shining in the spotlight. Dean bites his lip, remembering how that ring has once been a golden medal. In fact, it has been the very first golden medal Dean has ever won ever since he started going back into competitions. He has a few more of them back at home. This one is even just one from a small competition that Annie forcibly made him participate in, but after having confirmed that the gold was real, he took it to a jeweler to have it melted down.

Cas doesn’t know this yet, but Dean will tell him afterwards. Right now is not the time to explain it.

“Castiel Novak, I love you, and _only_ you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so please, will you marry me?”

With that, Dean lets go of Cas’ hand shortly to take the ring out of the box. Then he drops the black thing on the ground, and looks up at the man in front of him. There’s a sudden silence in the entire arena, and it almost makes Dean feels anxious.

“Yes!” Cas shouts. The audience starts to scream once more. “Yes, yes yes, a thousand times yes!”

Without hesitation, Dean swiftly puts the ring around Cas’ finger, and then he stands up from the ice – his knee is probably blue? Immediately, their lips are pressed together in another kiss. Cas’ arms wrap around his shoulders, and Dean’s come to rest on his hips.

They stand there for a few more seconds before they pull back once more. Then Dean nods towards to podium.

“Get back up there, idiot. You have the gold, you’re supposed to be on the highest part of the stage, not the lowest,” Dean whispers to him. Cas nods, letting go of Dean and getting himself back to where he was before with the help of the other two skaters. Then Dean skates around the podium, coming to stand behind Cas, who holds out his hand for Dean to take.

While the three winners wave at their audience in happiness, Dean smiles. While the winners give their interview, he smiles. When Cas has his picture taken with a few fans, he still smiles. And when Cas is finally free again and gets to him to kiss him strongly on the lips, Dean – yes you guessed it – smiles.

The next day, at the gala, the two men surprise everybody once more when Dean joins Cas in the program, revealing their figure skating program for the first time to _anybody_ other than Jimmy.

And as the two men skate, they are in love.

 

 

 

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Wheels on Ice, the Deanjimstiel edition](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10495461) by [FelixMaroussia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelixMaroussia/pseuds/FelixMaroussia)




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